Jail Bait. please help me articulate why is it such an offensive phrase please.

[Ormirian]

DH used it about a young DD of one of our friends. I spluttered and got cross. He looked embarrassed. All I could say was 'she's just a child, if anyone touches here they are disgusting' but I don't think it clarified things much.

It just made me see red.

I was 15 when I first had sex with a man who was 32. Funnily enough I was the total opposite of the stereotype of 'jail bait' which suggests not only is it offensive, it might well be meaningless.

Most offensive terms are meaningless.

Ormirian whatever good or bad things that relationship brought to you, the under-age sex law is a good one, imo, there to protect children from sexually predatory adults. And because it's there, it shows people that it's unacceptable.

Clearly there's a difference between consensual sex between two under-16s and an exploitative relationship in which one person is so much more powerful than the other. (This can also happen between two people of the same age, obviously). Being aware that most people think it's unacceptable for adults to prey on young teenagers might just shame some of them into thinking again?

I'm glad the OP is asking these questions of all of us - and of her husband.

It's a dehumanising word, and subtly implies that the girl in question is being deliberately provocative. I hate it.

My understanding is the same as DinahRods' explanation and also am aware of it being used for children implying the only thing that makes sex with children wrong is the risk of jail.

Not nice. :(

I think the prime offensive element of the term is the supposed implications it has about male sexuality.

As others have noted it plays into the "can't help themselves" rational the says men are incapable of controlling their sexual desires and thus women are responsible for how men act in response to them.

I.e if they're raped it is their fault for wearing revealing clothing/being drunk/flirting. The men are helpless, unable to control their base desires, poor things.

Sickening.

grannie - I was the OP!

Orm - I think your DH was using it wrongly, TBH. I have always associated it with what madwomanintheattic and SkeletonFlowers have described. Not a child who happens to look mature but an underage girl who is deliberately going out of her way to look mature (most likely in order to drink) and might be seeking out sexual relationships.

I see.

I still think it's an unpleasant phrase though.

Oh yes, still unpleasant, but different.

Ormirian - so you were. Sorry. I just read the posts without looking at who was saying what ...

I'm sorry I'm a bit pompous sometimes (just reread it). I suppose I thought you were saying something along the lines of 'I had under-age sex and it did me no harm', and I just leapt in. It's something that I really struggle with, because although I accept that lots of kids have under-age sex with no ill effects, kids in general do still need the protection of the law, imo.