We need to talk about Kevin!

[MyIronLung]

Has anyone read this? I'm about half way through And I'm struggling to put it down!
It's almost like approaching a car accident and not being able to look away. You know you're going to see something truly awful but can't stop yourself!

What an amazing book.

I found myself looking at my gorgeous 4 yo ds this morning and wondering...this book has truely gotten under my skin.

I'd be interested to hear what others think about it.

[mercifulTehlu]

Interesting thread. How people feel about the book is clearly very much dependent on their own situation and experience, and their feelings about parenthood and relationships.

I read the book a few years ago when my children were quite little and, although I found it chilling and unputdownable and thought about it for quite a long time afterwards, I can't say I found it upset me or gave me disturbing feelings about my own children or myself as a mother though. If anything, the contrast between Eva's experience and my own made me feel more secure about my own family, the responsiveness of my children and the 'normality' of my relationship with them.

[hollyisalovelyname]

I found it REALLY hard to get into but soo worth it in the end.
Thought provoking.

[bilbodog]

First read Kevin a few years ago and had to re read it straight away to see if it was him or her. I've read it again a couple more times and I definately think Kevin was born like this. Eva tried so hard with him and he fought her all the way. I have watched the film a number of times and find it gets better each time - eg. The beginning, where Eva is at the tomato festival in Spain, covered in 'blood' and if you listen carefully you can hear the screams of the kids in the gym - very clever portrayal. Great acting by the boys who played Kevin as well .

[crapfatbanana]

I read this when my twins were babies and was terrified my son would turn out to be a Kevin. Amazing book, but grim.

[Hygge]

I love this book.

I loved Eva, I didn't dislike Kevin. I hated bloody Franklin.

I blame him for it all.

If he'd supported Eva at the start she might have had a better relationship with Kevin as a baby.

Instead he didn't listen to her, he put his low level career above her high-earning one because he put his role as 'man' above hers as 'woman', he hated her travelling even though she was travelling before they met, yet he was happy to do his driving about for work. Her money was good enough to buy a house she'd never seen and didn't like though.

So many other things, but worst of all his idea of Kevin was of some make-believe American child. Maybe if he'd seen Kevin, like Eva saw Kevin, then things might have been different.

I read it before I had children and I read it afterwards. I've read it about six times now.

I liked Eva every time, I didn't blame her for what happened. I don't believe that Kevin was born evil, but I don't blame Eva for not nurturing him either. Kevin was a boy who needed to be seen properly, and Eva could see him, and she could see herself. Franklin had his head in the sand.

I saw someone say it was one of the worst books on school massacres they had ever read, on one of the news stories about the mother of one of the Columbine killers like the one linked above. And I think they missed the point.

The book wasn't about school killings to me, it was about women, and mothers, and how we are viewed and blamed in a way that men, and fathers, are not.

OP if you would like to read another Mumsnet Marmite book, I would like to suggest you read The Slap next, if you haven't already. I surprised myself by reading that twice, and I think I'll read it again soon.

My hatred for Franklin is nothing compared to my hatred for almost every single character in that book. Only two came out of it without me hating everything they said and did.

[HopefulHamster]

I hated it, but it's stayed with me. Powerful.

I'm not convinced any child is a 'Kevin' right from the start, though.

[DrSeussRevived]

A fantastic book, definitely her best.

[purpleme12]

I read this years ago, years before becoming a mummy. I always said it was one of my favourite books. I agree with the people who said it was quite ambiguous. I can't remember all the details now though cos it was so long ago. But this thread has made me think of it. I guess it would be interesting to read it again now I'm a mummy but I've just thought I don't actually think I could. You'd look at it from a different perspective I think. God now this thread's put the thought in my mind!

[MyIronLung]

I definitely wouldn't have been able to read it while I was pregnant.

[TheoriginalLEM]

I have just finished this book and like someone upthread said, i wish i could unread it. It wasn't what i thought it would be. I felt i could relate to Eva in the start, having suffered PND but i was the opposite and bonded too much with my DD (maybe i was over compensating).

The end of the book reminded me of the end of Cujo by Stephen King. Uneccessary and all the more upsetting for it.

Lost all sympathy for Eva when she allowed herself the "penance" of visiting her son in prison. Self absorbed. The thing with the eye - just fuck off! why write this??

[TheCunkOfPhilomena]

Wardrobespierre I have to say that whilst I enjoyed the book (obviously 'enjoyed' is the wrong word) I couldn't agree more with your take on Eva's relationship with Kevin. I've read the book a few times both before and since having DC and her character has always left me cold. There was a huge attachment issue there. However, I think the topic the book raised for me was one of the pressures on people to have children. I don't think Eva ever fully committed to parenthood nor did she want to. She felt it was something she had to do.

Going against the grain but I found the film to be a great interpretation of the book. It didn't try to be the book, it found its own path and I thought it worked very well. Tilda Swinton was exactly as I'd imagined Eva.

[Millionprammiles]

Kimmy got there before me - I agree its one of the few books to dare to present a different view of motherhood.

I felt a lot of sympathy towards the mother, she was struggling and there was noone she could turn to, noone to empathise.
The father was blinkered, passive, irresponsible, (a bit of a caricature admittedly).

I don't think she was just 'a bad mother' (see her and Kevin's behaviour when he's ill for 'how it might have been' and see how she desperately wants a second shot at it, with very different results).

I read it twice, once before I had dd and once after. If anything I felt more sympathy towards the mother the second time.

Its a brave, original and significant book.

[ChipsandGuac]

I remember that thread!

[WhoaCadburys]

There was a thread on here once called 'I need to talk about 'I need to talk about Kevin''. I felt when I finished it that I needed to talk about it. I think I tore it in half as I couldn't face anyone else reading it.

I know of someone who it had a very detrimental affect on. I certainly wouldn't recommend it for everyone.

[ChipsandGuac]

I thought the book was mindlessly boring for the first 100 pages. Then it was unputdownable. It also made me realise that I was being too hard on my son (who was about 9/10 at the time) and that he really needed his parents to step up and advocate for him. For that, I will be forever grateful to Shriver. It's one of the only books I've ever read that genuinely made me a better parent.

The movie was a pile of crap.

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

Thank you for the guardian link...have just finished reading her interview, the book excerpt and her previous interview in O. Brave woman. Some parts broke my heart: the origami pegasus, the self reproach for not keeping him and hence the others "safe", the need to shows photos that prove he was hugged, that prove he was loved, the overall judgement that " a mother is supposed to know". Such a tragedy.

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

doing the

Sausage fingers

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

I loved this book.
There are so few books out there about maternal ambivalence/the sheer relentlessness of the early years/the loss of self and grief for life before kids, (even if you would not be without them, it can still feel like a bereavement)
I can only think of:
This one
Elisa Albert After birth
Rachel Cusk A life's work
Naomi Wolf Misconceptions
and to some degree
A little stranger Kate Pullinger
Kramer vs Kramer Avery Corman

Motherhood is fetishized, unconditional love the default setting
Lionel Shriver got unwarranted criticism for veering from this social
norm, as did Rachel Cusk.
It was an important book to me simply for saying that motherhood can be brutal and it can be hard not to take things personally sometimes even when it's a toddler doping tjne dirty protest

[bunique]

This thread is making me want to read it again, which may be unwise now I'm a parent.

[2016IsANewYearforMe]

I read the book years ago. What stuck with me was the relationship between the husband and the wife. I wondered if he had listened to her, supported her more, if things would have been different. Whether Kevin had been bad from the start or the mother at fault for not seeing him clearly and failing to attach, the father being a better partner may have helped.

[HelenF35]

It's an amazing book. The film is crap though. Although I may have liked the film more if I hadn't read the book first.

[maamalady]

I think if you're knowledgeable about a subject then reading about that subject in a work of fiction is always jarring. It is rare that an author really knows what they're talking about - it doesn't matter for those of us who are blissfully ignorant, but I can see why someone like wardrobespierre would be irritated by inaccuracies. I get the same thing with genetics - I read the "genetic explanation" in The Time-Traveler's Wife with the literary equivalent of my fingers in my ears going lalalalala.

[GlitteryShoes]

It's not a textbook, it's a novel.