Is anyone's partner unsupportive/indifferent to your weight loss?

[glitterbiscuits]

My DH met when I was ‘plump’ - about 2 stones overweight.

I’ve never been thin but I gradually piled on the pounds hitting 18 stones a few years ago and levelling off around 16 stones for the last 5 years. I gained more over this Xmas and have taken myself in hand and committed to losing weight once and for all. I hope to stick at it but I’m conscious that I am only ever dealing with things one day at a time as I have a history of failed diets.

However in all this time (20 years) DH has never said anything. Ive asked for support but he’s not interested. It’s unconditional love he said. He doesn’t do anything to make things worse like buy me chocolate or cook unhealthy food he just doesn’t seem to register. Fine but being so over weight is unhealthy for me. I’m obese.
He’s skinny, and eats to live. I live to eat and it shows.

I would love him to be supportive. I’m not sure what I actually want him to do? Notice I think would be the first thing.

I am not in any way blaming him for my weight gain as I’ve never been thin but maybe if he’d noticed a few stones back and said something I could have put the breaks on? Or if he said ‘lose 2 stones and this could happen or I will treat you to that’

I think that’s why I started my Thin by Christmas thread, I was feeling very lonely and unsupported with my weight/food issues.

[EmmaHackettsjamtart]

The strange thing is I was at my lowest ever weight when we met and I really thought his body conscious attitude would help me to stay thin....

[EmmaHackettsjamtart]

Glitter, I ‘know’ you from the ‘thin by Christmas’ thread and you are doing amazingly well and being so support of everyone else.

I understand where you are coming from and I have a slim partner who can eat whatever he likes without putting on weight too.

However, my partner has certainly noticed my weight gain and said things about my attractiveness (or rather lack of) that I will never forget.

Far from helping me, I feel that it has made it harder for me to lose weight as it has made me feel like “piss off, I’ll eat what I like”....

[Branleuse]

my partner shows pretty much the same amount of interest in me whether im fat or thin. He quite likes me slim, but he never makes a thing of it, and was just as into me when i was a lot bigger.
I like it, as I used to have a pretty bad eating disorder and his attitude I think has really helped me distinguish what is for myself and what is for others. I prefer it if I get no comments about my size from anyone.

[GreyandGrumpy48]

glitterbiscuits I do understand your feelings. A few years I lost 3 stone (i’ve put it all back on now) and lots of friends complimented me. My DH didn’t say anything ever and when I asked him he said he hadn't really noticed. What I take from that is that he doesn’t really notice me at all which really hurts. He has various health issues and I always check how he’s feeling, what I can do to help, when he has appointments etc but he never remembers mine. Otherwise I know he cares in his own way but I guess I have to learn to get support from elsewhere.

[BrownTurkey]

I think his position is justifiable - he is non judgementally accepting of you, so if he gets involved in rewarding and praising your weight loss, then that puts him in a horrible position when you put it on again (and ‘supporting’ you might then seem like judgement or control).

On the outside other people can see that while the diet feels exciting to you, it is not going to last and the weight will ping back.

[glitterbiscuits]

It’s not his fault I’m fat but I think he could have said something or health grounds. It all about personal freedom for him, I suspect.

I have now lost a stone.
Me this morning ‘do I look any thinner?’
DH ‘No, not today’

That was it. No words of encouragement

[NorthEndGal]

I do duly understand wanting to know he is on you side, cheering you on and carving about your health.
I think it sounds like he feels you need to make changes for you, and that it is out of his hands.
As someone who had tried to help/encourage/motive a loved one to loose weight, it can be hard. You don't want to become their food police, or their reason for not succeeding.
No one else can change your habits, but he could certainly be encouraging and supportive, even if it was just to say "Babe, I know you can do this"

[glitterbiscuits]

Yes, i have asked for support
I once asked him if he could think of a load of rewards I could aim at for every half stone or stone. But he didnt bother!
He can’t understand any type of addiction.
If an asked him to pass me an apple or a family size Galaxy either would be ok. He’s so skinny himself it would not occur to him.
However if he was 5 or 6 stones overweight I would be concerned about his health, blood pressure etc.
His view seems to be I’m an adult and I make my own choice.
Which I can’t disagree with but....

[NorthEndGal]

I think he is in a no win situation. People on here regularly slate men who so much as notice their wife's weight, let alone verbalize anything about a gain.
Have you said to him, directly, that you would like some encouragement?

[TheWizardofWas]

same here. My DH just wont talk about food, or food and health issues. Shame is that his cooking - as he does a lot of it for us all - is not helping my or my DD's weight. I am soldiering on where I can make a difference, but he is not helping in cooking endless oily and carby things!