My child is a shit sleeper and it is keeping me fat

[TheOriginalWinkly]

I'm just so tired. She's 1.4yo, still a voracious breastfeeder, and has never slept through the night. I was going to put her to bed then do the 30 day shred, it took an hour and a half and I'm too fucking tired. I want to sit down and eat biscuits. I won't, this time, but I've become hooked on sugar to get through the day. I did lose 22lb of baby weight but have been static at this weight for about 6 months (I lost enough weight to fit into my uniform when I went back to work then stopped.) Logically I know that quitting sugar and eating well will help with the tiredness but yaaaawwwwnnnn...

[GlitteryFluff]

OP I really think tigger is just trying to nudge you in the right direction and not kick you when you're down. Sometimes you just need a bit of tough love for things to finally click and suddenly you're determined, strong and are ready to fight. I think he/she has said these things to hope something they say is that trigger for you. To get you where you want to be.

I had ds 15 months ago and I'm about a stone heavier than I was before I fell pregnant but overall around 4stone overweight as I was overweight before . I need to lose weight but it's bloody hard. At work this week someone asked another colleague when X was due in (my name is X too- there's two of us) I said 'I'm here!' And the other colleague said 'not you, little X' my heart sank and I instantly felt disgusting.
So again, this Monday, I'm going to try. I'm really hoping that was my trigger to give me the kick I need.

Good luck

[CRtester]

I empathise too. Mine is 2 and still bf at night and still a rubbish sleeper (sorry). I know that if I had more sleep I'd feel less inclined to eat sugar, but sleep deprivation is such torture!

Tackling the sleep issue first is probably the way to go...but I'm too tired! The thought of making things worse does not bear thinking about.

[HopefulHamster]

The thread has taken an oddly harsh tone. Can't we be a bit nice to someone who says they're thoroughly shattered?

I am breastfeeding a 14 month old OP and constantly hungry, but probably not quite so tired as you. I didn't really lose any baby weight until she became allergic to some food and I had to cut out all dairy and egg. Since then I've dropped to lighter than pre-pregnancy weight, but it's not something I would recommend doing as it's rather drastic. Certainly not saying I lost weight to sound smug, it was a side-effect for me. If I was eating what I wanted I'd definitely be bigger but now when I'm peckish there simply aren't as many things available to snack on so my calorie intake has massively dropped.

Some tips you can disregard if they don't apply:

1. I co-sleep. She goes to bed in her cot but when she wakes after midnight I just take her into bed with me and let her feed whenever. I still get slightly disrupted sleep but don't really feel it in the same way. Often when she wakes in the morning she dozes back off if a boob is to hand.
   
   
2. I try to force myself to eat a bit more fruit. I never really fancy it. It's cold and tart and I want warmth and chocolate. But if I take an apple to work and put it on my desk I eventually eat it and feel good about it.
   
   
3. I have (dairy-free) CHOCOLATE granola for breakfast that comes in 40g bags so I'm not eating massive portions and it keeps me going until lunch.
   
   
4. I hate lunches, especially now I'm dairy/egg free and can eat fuck all. I've never been a fan of traditional salad with tomatoes/cucumber/etc. But I found some bits I do like - spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, olives, bit of meat, and try to eat more of them. Not particularly healthy at all, but better than supermarket 600cal sarnies are my two favourite (dairy-goddamn-free) standbys peanut butter on granary bread or hummus in pitta. Leftovers from night before are cheaper and probably less calorific than bacon/chicken/mayo sarnie and a mars bar deal.
   
   
5. Dinner, I make a point of having smaller portions than husband and cooking from scratch more (due to hellish dairy free lifestyle), which also helps. Lots more veg (choosing the ones I actually like) too and making sure I always have them in.
   
   
6. Snacks. You need some if you're breastfeeding. God knows I've woken up just craving pure calories before. But try to get some that come in smaller portions, ones that are a bit of a faff to sort (dates with almond butter anyone, but hey DAIRY-FREE), or that are rich (dark chocolate), so you're more likely to not mind having a little instead of a little.
   
   
7. Hot drinks. Have as many as your child will allow. I try to have them instead of snacks sometimes. Almond milk (yep that dairy free thing again) is v low cal (the unsweetened stuff) and I'm used to it now in tea. I'm sure this has helped with my calories!
   
   
8. I hate exercise. You should do it. I should too. But I'm lazy so I just walk into town with the pram as much as I can instead of using the car.
   
   It's a bit like sex, too. (bear with me). The healthier I eat, the more I find I like those foods and the more I want them.

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

Hi OP.
Here are some practical suggestions.
-Do you give DD chopped fruit/veg, carrot sticks tomatoes etc? If so chop a load extra for you to snack on throughout the day. You're doing it anyway for her so it's not an extra job to do. Or buy a Big bag of chopped carrots- £1 at Tesco
-Do you already take her out for a walk every day, rain or shine? I have dogs so I kind of have to go out but a little walk every day might lift your mood, increase your metabolism, give you more energy, and possibly afternoon fresh air is linked to children's better sleep.
-Do you need sugar in your hot drinks? Cut down to half. Just make it sweet enough to taste sweet and eventually you might wean yourself off it altogether.
-Eat those Go ahead type bars instead of normal stuff.
-Frozen grapes sound shit but I really enjoyed them, as they took a while to eat one, and I kind of peeled the peel off and it was like eating a boiled sweet. Yawn, I know right? Just a little tip that worked for me when I lost nearly 5 stone (admittedly pre child but I didn't run as I was too ashamed to go running)
-Don't have it in the house. I don't mean to patronise you but this is the simplest method. If it isn't there, you can't eat it.
-If you must have it, just limit yourself to one treat a day, ration these treats in your weekly shop so you only have one a day and if you eat them all over two days then try not to buy more.
-Do you use MFP or similar to track what you're really eating? When I started out listing it all I was amazed. I don't use it every day now but if I notice I've gone up too much I use it to rejig my eating habits.

I am a shift worker (currently not working, but I know how shit shifts can be and how they mess with your body and eating habits). I have a 1yo who also BFs and doesn't sleep well.
You can do it. It's tough but you really can do it.

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

Can you go for walks with the buggy?
Walking is fab exercise. Download a step app like pacer and see if you can do 10 000 steps a day.
Ive cut out wheat and cut down on sugar and I've been losing weight. I've just been eating normal dinners and have some shop bought fresh soups for lunch. Lots of fruit and some chocolate covered rice cakes for snacks.

[HopefulHamster]

*having a little instead of a lot.

Sorry the above is littered with errors.

[Artistic]

I feel your pain. A poor sleeper can make you lose the will to succeed at anything let alone weight loss which needs 'restraint'. I had to quit breastfeeding completely with both DC to see any kind of weight loss! Until then I was either gaining weight or static. I found that low/ no carbs is the fastest way to lose weight. If you are finding other things hard why not just keep track of your carbs and see if you can just slow down on them.
I also had to go backwards and start co-sleeping at 12 months as I just couldn't take the broken sleep anymore! Not recommending, just empathising...

[Ledkr]

To be fair. My dd has never slept well and she's 4.5. I am the heaviest ever.
It's really hard to fit in exercise and make healthy choices when you are literally on your knees after work and know your night will be shit again.

[Emily7708]

Winkly I don't have any advice but just wanted to give you some support. I have a shit sleeper and also work opposite shifts with DH to share childcare. The combination of the two things is absolutely killing me and I am the heaviest I've ever been. It's so hard to find willpower and energy when you are on your knees with exhaustion.

[Loiterer]

OP, I feel your pain. My DS is only 5 months old, but also a bad sleeper. I am shattered and get through the day on cake and cups of tea. When you are so tired you feel you deserve any tiny piece of comfort.

It is shit. I have tacked it by not avoiding cake, but upping the exercise by going to a buggy fit class. I'm surrounded by other sleep deprived mums. You can take the baby. Sometimes we go for cake afterwards. But at least for that hour and a half you're exercising which for me is better than nothing.

I've found that a bit of exercise makes me more chilled which rubs off on DS and therefore I'm less inclined to hit the kit kats. It doesn't directly help with the sleeping but makes me feel better. for you, you sound shattered.

[hilbil21]

What diet/diets have you tried? I've lost 1.5 stone since having my baby on weight watchers. Still got another 2 stone to lose before wedding next year but I like it because you can still eat crap just in moderation. So now maybe if DS is playing up and stressing me out I have a curly Wurly instead of a massive bar of galaxy

[Bishboshbash]

Another one who is fat and has a shit sleeper!
I was in such a sleep deprived haze for the first 18 months or so I wasn't even aware of how fat I was tbh. It's only now that ds sleeps better(still not great) that I looked in the mirror and went "oh shit what happened?!?"
I don't think people who have good/ok sleepers can understand how soul destroying and exhausting it is. When your child wakes up every hour all night the last thing you want to do is to stand up and make a healthy dinner and go for a jog!

[Artandco]

You need to excerise with children not wait until the sleep as that's what you want to rest.

1. go for a 6 mile fast walk daily minimum. You can walk 3 miles with child in buggy, then stop somewhere they can get out and play/ run around together/ walk slower, then walk back 3 miles fast with her in pram. 3 miles fast walk is 30-45min walk.
   
   
2. don't buy any crap at all. Only eat what you would feed your child ( healthy I presume)
   
   
3. do a keep fit/ yoga dvd with child in the afternoon. They can copy/ join in. Might not be 100% as without child but 80% is good enough
   
   
4. get a bike with bike seat for daughter. Cycle everywhere you can't walk, don't use car for anything less than 5 miles away.

[TheOriginalWinkly]

Some lovely and interesting helpful posts thanks :) .I will read them properly in the morning, I am a bit too tired and fragile -feeling at the moment. It's funny how easy it is to go back to being that humiliated teenager.

[BernardBernard]

Are you me op?!
Dd is 1.4 and I have a 3.6dd too. Dd2 doesn't sleep through ever and I am on my knees looking after them full time. I also run a small business and volunteer and DH is setting up as self employed so is no help whatsoever.
A recent miscarriage and some slight pnd mean I'm eating my feelings so hearing 'stop eating crap' doesn't work for me either. Yes I know I am but I can't stop, ok?!
Wine and chocolate are all that get me through the day. Literally.
Can't exercise due to lasting effects of childbirth and still 2 stone to shift.
Look, if you ever need to moan or whatever I'm always fucking awake here.

[eurochick]

Winks (hi!) have a big hug. I sympathise.

I've always been slimmish and never really struggled with my weight. But like you now have a non sleeper and it is HARD. I rely on caffeine and sugar to get me through the day and can't find time to exercise. I've always liked working out and I really miss it. But I used to go to the gym after work and if I did that now I'd never see her. My windows are therefore to get up before her (and she wakes at 6/6.30 - I am already barely functioning so getting up an hour earlier would finish me off) or after she goes to bed for the night (usually around 8 and I go to bed around half nine and in that hour and a half we have to do laundry, eat dinner and do anything else that needs doing before morning).

I don't have any answers although I do agree with the advice not to keep crap in the house. It's too easy to reach for it when knackered.

[reallywittyname]

Urgh, poor you. I'm going to disagree with a few posters and say don't bother with the exercise until your dc sleep is sorted. In the meantime, I can recommend low carbing for weight loss, as it has the added bonus of stabilising blood sugar - so although you'll still feel tired if you are tired, you won't feel "food tired" iyswim, no more 3pm slumps which make you reach for the biscuits. It is hard at the start but then gets easier. I found it really helped me when my sleep was broken.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

I get you OP. I'm 4 months in to my second non sleeper and my just 2 year old still doesn't sleep through. I'm 2 stone heavier than i should be. I am constantly starving and have no energy. I know I eat too much junk but after 3 hours broken sleep a night it's pretty hard to make the changes. As it is for a lot of people, otherwise no one would be fat. I haven't got any advice as I haven't cracked it yet but just want you to know that I hear you.

[Discogeek]

I feel your pain, I've been up with rubbish sleeping DS2 since 4.30am. It's so hard to eat well when you're on your arse with tiredness DS is 2 and I'm back at work, he has always been a shit sleeper but his love of early mornings is killing me and DH.

What's helping for me is forcing myself to go to an exercise class straight from work once a week and walking the 3 miles home from work as often as I can.

Ive started using MFP to map what I'm eating but there's some days when I need a sugar hit at 3pm or I'll be asleep at my desk!

Wish I had some better advice but wanted you to know you're not alone and it's fucking hard.

[Thattimeofyearagain]

Not rtft but I had a poor sleeper then 10 years later had a job on nights, put weight on both times as your body will crave carbs/ fat to deal with tiredness. With poor sleeper I contacted the sleep clinic ( well, visited the hv and refused to leave until she referred him) With night working I upped protein and are little and often.

[IDismyname]

I had a non sleeping DS, and just gained on my (already large) pregnancy weight, so I hear you, too....

You've had loads of good advice here. It basically boils down to moving more and eating less, but that's a tough call on a chronically sleep deprived person!

Take one thing and act on it. Maybe heading out for fresh air and excercise every day. Just that. See how you go. It may well improve your mood, make you lose a pound or two, and from that you may find the inner conviction to either move more, or to make changes to your eating habits.

Do you have a local gym where there is a crèche? You could book your LO in for a session, and you could take yourself for a swim?

Anyway, what I'm saying, is take it in baby steps. Every little thing will make a difference.

And don't be too hard on yourself.

[bimandbam]

Aww op it is hard I know. Ds is 2 and I still have my baby 2 stone. I bf too and found it very difficult to shift the weight while I was bfing.

When I stopped at about 18 months I felt better. Lost half a stone in a couple of weeks.

I know I can lose another half a stone by swapping lunchtime sandwich to soup. And porridge or fruit for breakfast. More home cooked food and fewer takeaways/fast food.

Also moving more. I am struggling with walking at the moment as ds can climb out of his pram the little sod so we go as far aa he can manage at the moment. But a good couple of miles 3/4 times a week with the pram soon shifts it.

I found the more and I excercised and the better I ate the better quality sleep I got and the better I felt. It's difficult I know but only you can change things and having an excuse to not do stuff just makes it more difficult.

Focus on what you can change. 1 small thing at a time. Make that a way of life then move on to something else.

[SevenSeconds]

I feel your pain too OP. My DC are older now (youngest is 6), but when they were younger and I was sleep deprived it was only chocolate that got me through the day!

Good luck with making some healthy changes.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Also as bimandbam says I really struggled to lose weight while breastfeeding DD1. When I stopped I almost instantly lost half a stone. I think my body clung on to the fat when feeding. Unfortunately I only had a month between stopping breastfeeding DD1 and getting pregnant with DD2, who I am now breastfeeding!

[BIWI]

By the way, I definitely agree with PP - don't torment yourself by thinking you have to do some exercise, as I imagine you can't imagine anything worse! Exercise counts for around 20% of weight loss, compared with 80% that is diet - so try and focus on that first.

You have to go shopping; but you don't have to buy the sugary stuff. Concentrate on buying/cooking foods/snacks that you really enjoy, but that aren't going to make the problem worse. Caffeine and sugar will make you feel better in the short term, because you get a swift energy boost, but they'll actually only contribute to your fatigue in the longer term, because of the slump that they inevitably create.

Do you have a partner/DH? What are they doing to help you out? Sounds like you need them to help out so you can have a bit of a break.