Barking mad SIL wants to control wedding guest list.

[DaisyAndConfused]

My SIL is lovely but barking mad at the same time.

She has become obsessed with my DSS's wedding later in the year, specifically the guest list. As usual the couple are struggling to keep numbers down and are currently 10 over the venue capacity. She keeps on asking if she can invite TWO of HER friends (who they have never met) despite very clearly being told NO (she offers to pay for their meals as if that was even the point!).

Basically she keeps doing complicated and flawed sums in her head to somehow make some point about there not being enough of DSSs family there.

The latest is that she thinks that because the bride has more aunts and uncles than DSS, the bride should invite less of her friends (despite the fact that the bride has one parent and DSS has 2 parents and 2 step parents).

Just wanted to have a rant really, but if anyone's got any advice that would be great!

[LydiaWickham]

Good you did it, it needed doing. She'll calm down when she realises she was in the wrong. She's not really annoyed at you for saying it, but for herself for getting in that position.

Over Easter, act like nothing has happened.

[DaisyAndConfused]

Ok, update if anyone is interested.

Had a frank talk with SIL. She maintains she has no recollection of previous conversations about the guest list and her friends. She has actually told these friends that they will be getting an invite !! So she will have to tell them that she was mistaken. She has apologised and seems genuinely contrite.

She has promised to stay out of it from now on, the couple are getting more and more stressed (just been gazumped on a house) so she will stay well away.

My name is most likely mud in their house after being so direct with her but we have invited them over for Easter Sunday dinner to make amends.

[DaisyAndConfused]

Yes, she is pushy to the point of rude and subconsciously uses emotional blackmail to get her way. She has many, many good qualities BTW, she's not a complete nightmare.

I'm wary of giving her a job to do at the wedding in case it increases her sense of entitlement but I will definitely do what I can to shield DSS & his DF from her madness. The direct approach, in front of witnesses (she has a habit of "forgetting" what's she's been told) is the way to go.

We are planning a christening for my DD this year so I might try to distract her with that. I am pretty easy going so can tolerate her interference, and as I said she is lovely in many ways.

SoupDragon don't think my life would be worth living if she didn't get an invite!

[SoupDragon]

Solve two problems in one go and don't invite her :o

[JustHecate]

"the answer is no. Please stop asking, it is embarrassing to have to keep saying no. But it will not turn into a yes if you continue to pester."

I do hate people who cannot take no for an answer. It's very rude. Like they think that if they go on and on and on at you - they'll grind you down. Shows a lack of respect for you.

[AThingInYourLife]

I think as much as you can try to shield DSS and his DF from these demands.

I'm sure it's a PITA having to deal with them, but it's far easier for you to tell her no than for them to have to deal with a pushy, bonkers aunt.

Have you had a little word about how it's really not her place and she should leave them to sort it out?

[Hebiegebies]

Sounds as if no needs to be said repeatedly!

After that, refuse to discuss the issue of the invite lst with her again.

Agree that it's worth giving her a job, looking after an elderly relative perhaps?

[mummytime]

Just say No. Tell her the stressed happy couple have enough to do without more pressure. I would even tell her the venue is already over capacity.

Is there any little job that could be offloaded onto her, to make her feel useful and get her out of everyone's hair?