Actively avoiding social situations but not socially phobic?!

[Nowanextraone]

Just wondering really as sometimes I DO wonder if there IS an underlying issue with me 😬

I'm 42 years old, married, kids, work full time etc etc. Genuinely happy.

But...I actively seek to avoid social situations. They don't make me nervous, but I just don't enjoy them. As an example, it's a big awards day at work today. I have won 2 prestigious awards...when I found out it was an awards day, I booked annual leave 😬 I'm really happy I got the awards but the thought of having to dress up, sit around with colleagues eating a meal.etc fills me with dread. I'd much rather just know I've got them, and be quietly given my award and move on.

I didn't go to my BSc graduation, I didn't go to my MSc graduation.... I don't go to hen dos, I avoid wedding parties. The amount I avoid it's a surprise I'm invited to anything really 😬

Even meals out with friends, I book, and as the date gets closer I feel resentful of having to leave my house, lose an evening relaxing and can't wait until it's over! One thing I do quite like is a day time coffee with a friend when I'm not at work. It feels like it doesn't take time away from my kids and relaxation time. I wonder if I feel like this as my life is so busy that I feel protective of my time at home maybe, although this was the same before I had children too...

I can't really explain it. I DO enjoy seeing friends when I am there, but the pleasure I have when someone cancels is immense!!! I'm not unsociable, infact people often think I'm the type of person who would love socialising because I'm confident, happy, jokey etc.
Everyone has been so excited about the awards thing at work, and all I feel is pure relief I'm not going.

I'm leaving my job in 3 months to start a new one. Everyone at work said 'we would suggest you have a leaving do but know you wouldn't come' 😬 And they're right!

Is anyone else like this?! Do I have an issue or is it just part of my personality?! I have brilliant friends BTW, who all laugh at my anti-social behaviour.

[mindutopia]

It just sounds like something you don't enjoy, that's fine! I would say I'm the same. I don't have social anxiety - being around people or in social situations doesn't make me anxious and actually professionally I have to do a fair amount of interacting with other people. I have lovely friends and family and I do enjoy spending time with most of them (but not all). But honestly, I'd rather not if I don't have to. I'd rather read or garden or go for a walk or watch a film at home. I don't feel I need lots of time with other people (I live with 2 dc and dh so I have plenty of time with other people), what I mean is that I don't feel like I need any more time.

I think for me a lot of it comes simply from being introverted. I like people and I can hold my own and socialise, but it doesn't fill me up. It drains me. I need time alone to re-charge and feel refreshed. That's fine.

What I find annoying though is dh who is not necessarily an introvert and does not desire time alone, but who is also socially anxious. So he wants to constantly organise things with others, but then is anxious to do them, wants me to come along, gets stressed with all the planning of things with other people, but doesn't want to not do all the things with all the people all the time. I'm just like, just bloody go and enjoy and stop getting worked up about it! Or say you don't want to do it and stay home!

I've gotten very good at just saying no thanks to lots of social things and doing my own thing.

[Newnamesameoldlurker]

Hmm I'm not sure OP. You use the word dread, so it sounds like there might be a little bit of anxiety in there? The avoidance of this type of situation is quite extreme for there to be zero anxiety associated with them. What is so aversive about these group situations for you, do you think? It surely can't just be that they're taking time away from your kids and relaxing- as something like the awards ceremony comes around exceptionally rarely, whereas you get to relax with your kids every day. It's fine if you don't enjoy these events but I do wonder if there really is no anxiety if you look a little deeper. You sound like me. Everyone says I seem confident, and I seem fine at this type of event when i do go, but like you I dread them and i do label it a form of social anxiety.

[Summerpussy]

I'm exactly the same ,I have a diagnosis of autism tho
A coffee with a friend is the only socialising I do
But I also dread going on holiday ,and I'd hate to go abroad,I wouldn't cope with the airport or not being able to find vegan food .

[Dotdashdottinghell]

I could have written this post! I like down time, I'd say I need it for my well being. Between work which can be intense at times, the dc who never stop talking, DH and my immediate family I'm pretty much done.

I haven't been on a night out in years as I just CBA, but I'm happy to go out for a coffee, walk, lunch with a friend or maximum 2 friends at a time. I don't enjoy socialising in large groups, it makes my head hurt.

I do value my friendships but they are all low key, I can't be bothered with talking on the phone daily or anything like that.

I rarely invite people round for a bbq or whatever as they never bloody leave! I much prefer to meet somewhere so I can leave when I'm done.

I think some people just love the company of others and want to be constantly surrounded by people, and others don't.