Finance issues blended family

[ALLYCAT16]

Me and my partner have just purchased our first house. We both put in a 50/50 share of the deposit. We both have 2 children each from previous relationships who live with us full time. We are trying to work out finances, however this is causing arguements. I earn £30k and he earns £80k before yearly bonus. I suggested we put 65% each of our earnings into our joint account to cover our household bills like mortgage, gas,electric, water,tv and insurance. My Daughter recieves PIP at enhanced rate for mobility and care. My partner has said she should pay rent using this, but my daughter is 16 and in full time education. He said this is the same principle as his daughter on an apprenticeship and paying rent. I also recieve child maintenance from my ex husband, and wondered if this should be included in my 65% share into the account.
my partner is not happy, and thinks we should be paying 50/50 into the joint account. But my income from earnings don’t allow this. But he wants to include my children’s disability money and my child maintenance.
on a side note, he has a rental income from a house he owns and recieves yearly work bonuses, and shares that pay out yearly (share money is paid from his salary, however we are discounting that. I am happy not to consider all this in his 65% contribution, and use just his monthly take home. Am I being unreasonable?
advice needed please. X

[Candleabra]

How have you not agreed this before you bought a house together. Your partner earns nearly 3 times your salary, wants a 50/50 split on everything and your 16 year old daughter in full time education to pay rent?
I’d be backing out of this move.

[Azerothi]

Was your boyfriend like this before you bought a house together? The fairest thing to do is to put 50 50 into the house each. Why did you not make sure you could afford it before you wanted to buy your own house with this current boyfriend?

As a side note your boyfriend is being awful and you should back out but the fairest thing to do would be 50 50.

[Undertherockpool]

Yup. I very rarely play the ‘leave the bastard’ territory but he clearly doesn’t give two hoots about you. Run for the hills.

[neverendingcold]

Yes your child maintenance should go into this provided your child's costs come from that pot.

The PIP shouldn't.

[NCprivatelife]

Did you not discuss any of this before you bought a house together???

How old is his daughter on apprenticeship? I think the age is more significant than what they're doing re paying rent. Also the PIP is your daughters', for her needs related to her disability - it isn't to cover her housing, which is still very much your job as her parent imo.

I would not like living with someone who earns so much more than me tbh without an understanding we share all finances (which is usually in a marriage/LTR). You will always be a step behind, as a family you won't be able to do things together as you will always have less disposable income.

For me, someone with as much money as your partner, with such a huge disparity in income, haggling over the split and trying to get money out of my disabled daughter would give me the ick tbh.

[neverendingcold]

I do agree with others it's far too late to be deciding this now

[Undertherockpool]

@Azerothi

Was your boyfriend like this before you bought a house together? The fairest thing to do is to put 50 50 into the house each. Why did you not make sure you could afford it before you wanted to buy your own house with this current boyfriend?

As a side note your boyfriend is being awful and you should back out but the fairest thing to do would be 50 50.

Why? She cannot afford it. Why should she? They are a partnership and should share everything. Or they are not a partnership and so why would she be with him?

[Ilovemyshed]

If you haven't exchanged yet on the purchase, I would pull back until this is all settled. He sounds very selfish.

[TheCheekyKob]

You either include the disability money and CMS and he includes his extra rent and yearly bonus

or you both include just your wages.

Personally this should of took place ages ago before you even bought a place.

[BibbleandSqwauk]

I agree with the first post that this should have been sorted way before. I think CMS Into the pot for your 65% is ok as most people would have it just as part of their available funds and not ring fenced but not the PIP. That is specifically awarded for specific additional costs arising from need and as a 16yo in ft education he is taking the piss on that. There are serious issues here.

[Eloraa]

He earns £80k but wants to take your child’s disability payments?


Cunt.

[Anameisaname]

Your daughter's PIP is for her needs. Not for his shred needs. This doesn't sound like a partnership here if you can't agree in basic finances.
There's no right or wrong really just if you can't agree on basics. I don't see why his daughter is paying rent either !

[MrTiddlesTheCat]

He's not really a partner if he counting up every penny in order to leave you in poverty while he sits pretty on his income.

[Daleksatemyshed]

First post hits the nail on the head,@Candleabra is quite right, you should have agreed finances before buying together. He earns 3 times what you do with his rental income on top and your CM and your Dd's money are for her, not to let him pay less. What sort of man is happy to have spare money every month whilst you have nithing left?

[Azerothi]

@Undertherockpool

Why? She cannot afford it. Why should she? They are a partnership and should share everything. Or they are not a partnership and so why would she be with him?

Hence my use of the correct word boyfriend. They are clearly not a partnership and she should run away very fast. It is like buying a house with a random stranger and I find it very hard to believe she didn't know this from the start.

[ZenNudist]

@Candleabra

How have you not agreed this before you bought a house together. Your partner earns nearly 3 times your salary, wants a 50/50 split on everything and your 16 year old daughter in full time education to pay rent?
I’d be backing out of this move.

This

You need to put in proportionate to your wages, have reasonably equal fun money. I think it's OK for him to save and invest more. 16yo in ft education is a dependent who does not pay rent.

[Cygnetmad]

@Eloraa

He earns £80k but wants to take your child’s disability payments?


Cunt.

This! and it tells you all you need to know.

[ScarlettSunset]

This man is clearly not who you thought he was as I doubt you'd have ever agreed to buy a house with him had you realised he would be like this.

As upsetting and difficult as it may be, I think you need to find a way to get out of this and get back to living in a place with just you and your DC.

This man wants to take your child's PIP and leave them and you struggling, while he has a large income and extra on top. He is not someone you need in your life.

[Bartoz]

How this wasn't discussed before you even viewed a house to buy is beyond me. When you applied for a mortgage, how was the application filled out? Was the disability benefit included in household income?

All this should have been hammered out long ago before you both entered into a financial commitment together. God help the 4 children.

[BusyMum47]

@NCprivatelife

Did you not discuss any of this before you bought a house together???

How old is his daughter on apprenticeship? I think the age is more significant than what they're doing re paying rent. Also the PIP is your daughters', for her needs related to her disability - it isn't to cover her housing, which is still very much your job as her parent imo.

I would not like living with someone who earns so much more than me tbh without an understanding we share all finances (which is usually in a marriage/LTR). You will always be a step behind, as a family you won't be able to do things together as you will always have less disposable income.

For me, someone with as much money as your partner, with such a huge disparity in income, haggling over the split and trying to get money out of my disabled daughter would give me the ick tbh.

I agree! Serious ick vibes!! ⬆️

When my now husband of 21yrs & I first moved in together, he earned twice as much as me, so we worked out all of our monthly household outgoings (including an emergency buffer amount), set up a joint account for it all to be paid from & he covered 2/3 of it & I covered the remaining 1/3. The rest of our salary was our own & we pretty much shared paying for socialising, holidays, treats, etc. Worked perfectly. 🤷‍♀️

[WhiteLeopard]

You really should have discussed this before buying the house! You're not being unreasonable except about the maintenance from your ex. I think that should be in the pot too.

[Zola1]

My view..Child maintenance counts, disability money doesn't. Under 18s don't contribute to household finances.
Actually though he sounds like a controlling and unpleasant man ans I would not live with him. Speaking with experience of living with a man with really unrealistic expectations about financial contributions to the home.

[ConfrontationDoesntHaveToBeScarey]

He sounds like a selfish twat and you sound foolish for not discussing and agreeing all this before hand.

[ALLYCAT16]

Thanks for everyone’s input.. for more context

me and my partner have been together for couple of years. We are due to complete on the house at the end of June. When doing the mortgage we both done full financial disclosure to one another. He said he knew he would have to put more in and was ok with this. When sitting and looking at the figures of what this translates too, he has said the split is not fair as he will put in £2925 and me £1300 based on 65% share of our take home. I offered to put in half of my child maintenance aswel. The joint account is solely for bills and money cannot be drawn for anything else. He has said that it’s not fair that I will have more disposable income than him. However I have explained that the PIP money is my daughters and she’s currently having driving lessons out of it and a mobility car and the DLA for my son pays for his hobbies.
my partners daughter is 17, nearly 18, currently not in education but hoping to get an apprenticeship. When she does as this is classed as employment, so she will pay a small rent of £25-£50 weekly. The apprenticeship pays £1000 pm take home.
my partners son receives DLA but my partner saves this for him, which is fine. like I said we are not including bonuses, shares, rental income from his house etc in this. I’m happy for him to keep this all. I am just upset that I am being made to feel inadequate due to my lower earnings. I will never earn a high amount as a social worker and he knows this.

[TwilightSkies]

Fuck sake! Get out while you can!
Hes showing his true colours now, and how little care and respect he has for you and your DC.
I know leaving is hard, but things will only get worse from here.
Save yourself and your DC from years of shit.