Advice needed

[uncertainofhampshire]

I will start by saying I am 45 and been with partner for over 20 years. I don't really know how to ask but I don't know if our relationship is healthy. I don't want to use the word abuse because I don't think it is.
He is a sole trader and so if he does not work he does not make money. He works very hard but gets very stressed easily and used me to take it out on. He wants me to help him with his work by being around and helping with bits every day when I finish work. He moans about me working and saying that it would be better if I worked with him to do his paperwork etc as he finds that hard to do and has no time to do it. I have got into debt with loans to help him out over the years which I am still paying off. I give him most of my pay (after I have paid the loans etc) and use the joint card to pay for food. I need to check to make sure it has money on and it feels like I almost have to justify why I spend what I do in the weekly shop.
When he is not stressed and gets enough sex (another thing we disagree on as he wants more and being peri, I just don't want it). He can be a nice guy.
I don't know what I am asking really but no relationship is perfect so it's this normal? I don't think it is.

[EpicAlice]

that is not normal.
Financial abuse, coercion into having sex so he stays a ‘nice guy’, walking on eggshells because he is stressed and takes it out on you.
What would you advise a friend to do if they were living like that?

[jackstini]

You might not want to use the word abuse, but I'm afraid it is. Sorry

You don't sound like this is a happy life for you at all, and he seems miserable, moany, negative, controlling and unsupportive

Is this really what you want for the rest of your life?