Do you ever feel like an alien in your extended family?

[DemiZen]

Our life in our nuclear family is so far removed from that of the extended family that it feels like we're living on a different planet. Everything from outlook, ideals, way of life etc. How do you reconcile them both when they collide? Especially if DC are involved?

[catscalledbeanz]

Absolutely. My lifestyle/ values/ morals/ goals / hobbies are so far removed from my extended families that it makes it very difficult at gatherings. The fact is with no common ground beyond blood, conversation is painful. I'm sometimes sad about it as they are all close and a proper big family all together- with me on the side. But when it does upset me I remind myself that I could have followed that path and chose not to. For good reason. Its not for me and I far prefer my way to theirs.

[mindutopia]

Yes, I am NC with my whole family. Not specifically for this reason. But I'd say I have a very different outlook and lifestyle than my extended family and was raised very differently. I was just not particularly close to them as a child and as an adult, I just naturally drifted and we no longer keep in touch. They don't see my dc and I would imagine most of them don't even know I have dc, so that's a non-issue. I am NC with my mum (my dad no longer alive).

If you want to still have family in your life and you want your children to know them (it's perhaps straightforward for me because I don't want these things), I think you just have to keep the visits infrequent but polite, and then be very clear with your dc about what your own values are.