im lonely

[wahd]

I have asked so many friends to hang out and they have all been so busy and maybe free at the end of May. i've spent the last three weekends by myself and I feel stupid getting so many rejections.

I put myself out there and met up with a woman from online who posted in a group that they were new to my area. She was lovely but we didn't have much in common. Now I feel desperately lonely. I have called up 7 friends/family today for a catch up and not one was free. I messaged my friend group from my home town asking if anyone would like to catch up over FaceTime this week and only two people have seen the message and ignored it.

A friend said she may be able to squeeze me into her lunch break in three weeks time, whereas I want to give her my whole weekend. I don't think my mum particularly enjoys my company but I love hers. I have a partner but he's away a lot, and i'm alone for a few more weeks.

I think I am a very likeable person so it is so sad for me. I love people and am a good friend too. Everyone just seems so busy.

I just received a very bad message from work and have no-one to call about it. I hope someone replies with some kindness as I'm going to bed soon.

[Azandme]

It can be really lonely being an adult sometimes, and people don't often talk about it. Can you call your partner?

Hope the work thing is fixable.

[Charlingspont]

Sorry you're feeling lonely. What is the work message? If you tell us we could maybe help?

[wahd]

he's in a different time zone sadly @Azandme

[AprilDecember]

I don't have much advice but you're not alone in feeling alone, I feel like this a lot.

Getting out there and meeting the woman new to your area was really courageous!

Is the work issue something you can chat through on an anonymous internet forum? Doesn't help with loneliness but if there is a practical problem to solve maybe some strangers can help you think it through 😊

[AtrociousCircumstance]

That sounds tough OP. I’m sorry. Have you thought about ways in which to connect with new people?

Hope the work thing resolves ok.

[QS90]

Sorry to hear that OP. I have felt very lonely before - it's a horrible thing. Do you have parents you are in contact with?

Other than that, maybe try a group - walking / book club or similar? X

[wahd]

I'm a freelancer and I misunderstood a task. I spent an hour on it and got a harsh message saying I shouldn't have done any work on it, I need to read it properly and I wasted company resources @Charlingspont

[wahd]

My parents are away on holiday and really don't like to be interrupted when they're away. They're very busy people and I would call and talk to them every day if I could but they prefer a quick 10m catch up every week or so.

I have tried groups with not much luck. I went to a language exchange but no-one was interested as I speak such basic Spanish. I went to another meet up and it seemed like everyone knew everyone else. I will try some more and have considered starting my own but aren't great at consistency.

[AprilDecember]

Have you tried a Spanish class? I don't think classes help with the loneliness but at least they give structure to my days and give me something to look forward to.

How long have you been freelancing? Would you consider becoming an employee somewhere? Most of my friends that I see regularly on a social level are from work. My school and uni friends all went in different directions with family and relationships so don't have time to just hang out, my colleagues have been a lifeline.

[wahd]

@AprilDecember the funny thing is I have zero interest in learning spanish! I just learnt bits on duo lingo so I could go to the meet up as it looked like a nice group of people and I saw them posting a lot on Facebook over the past two years and they looked so friendly. So I learnt Spanish for 3 months and went there and they were completely disinterested as they were just there to practice and not make friends. I have sent 3 emails today enquiring about different clubs and groups. I'm thinking martial arts as it's so different. But I also am on a budget which makes things challenging

[wahd]

@AprilDecember Most of my friends I was referring to work for the company that are my clients. But over the past three years my friends have moved up in management and now work around the clock. One got into a relationship and has no time for friends now. I don't think I would want to go back to work in a job, but I would love to be able to afford a co working space.

[AprilDecember]

Ah yea if you don't care about Spanish it's probably not the one! Is there anything you are really interested in as a hobby? My classes are a sport and I'm in love with it and it's all I ever think about, the silver lining of having no one is I also have no one making demands of my time so I have a lot of space to work on this. It is a minor silver lining, I would much rather have some company now and again, but it doesn't give me some fultiment. And my teachers and fellow students are fun and care about me so it is some social contact while I am there. But yes it does depend on your budget.

Are you in a big city or do you live in an isolated place?

[Charlingspont]

@wahd

I'm a freelancer and I misunderstood a task. I spent an hour on it and got a harsh message saying I shouldn't have done any work on it, I need to read it properly and I wasted company resources @Charlingspont

Okay, nasty of them to be harsh, so send a short reply, and leave it at that. Don't dwell on it - we all make mistakes and misunderstand things sometimes - in a week or two you won't feel so bad, so just wait for time to put distance between you and their harshness. Try not to dwell.

[wahd]

I'm in a small city :) @AprilDecember I am interested in lots of things but doesn't mean I have much experience in them. Violin, art, martial arts etc I would be interested to try these things. I love sport , playing football in particular. But I often find I don't have alot in common with other women who play football, im just there for a laugh. I also haven't really played since primary school so aren't good at anything. Do you have any sports you can recommend?

[AprilDecember]

I tried boxing, dancing, yoga, capoeira, all sorts! And I was never a sporty person at school or university, they were way out of my comfort zone. I had zero experience in my main hobby, I took my first class at 28 and I was not good. I am good now, I'll never make a living out of it but it feeds my soul!

I haven't done martial arts myself but I know lots of people who got very into it, the friendships made were variable, but they got much more out of it, like discipline and fitness. And it's individual so you don't feel the pressure of a team. If it's something that's piqued your interest, give it a go!

I tried to do volunteering stuff when I was super unhappy, but I didn't want to do more "work" things (for free) in the hope of meeting new people, they never materialised. Volunteering has its value but I personally didn't find it conducive to developing relationships with people. I just did it to get out of the house.

[Feliciacat]

Could you do walking or running as part of a group? Beginner clubs are particularly friendly as everyone is doing their best and achieving something from nothing. It is also potentially free if you just train on the pavement rather than a gym.

I am sorry you feel lonely. It sounds like you make large efforts for other people and it is not reciprocated. Of course, you don’t give to receive but it is disheartening to feel like people are more important to oneself than oneself is to them. It was a tough lesson I had to learn; feeling love for someone doesn’t mean they’ll love back. Could you direct your love towards yourself rather than others? It would make you feel better and it could actually make people drawn to you because you’ll radiate confident vibes.

I totally agree with what a pp said: give a short reply and try and forget the work thing. Ultimately you did well because you worked on something rather than doing nothing. It’s only an hour so you can redo what you’ve done easily. That other person sounds unnecessarily harsh and that’s not on you.

[Meadowfinch]

Maybe you are pushing too hard.

I don't have a huge number of friends but I do run regularly /parkrun and have got to know some people that way. I've joined the parish council, and I practice martial arts at a weekly class. But I do those things for me. Meeting other people and developing friendships are added benefits.

What do you enjoy for you that you would do even if there was no-one else there?

[Polominty]

Have you considered volunteering, do you have something you feel passionate about? What ever you want to do there will be an opportunity for it, so many charities are struggling for volunteers at the moment. I’ve done loads of different things over the years. Working with children’s groups when my kids were young, volunteering in a charity shop, organising fund raising events, being front of house in a small independent theatre, Befriend a Child, being involved with the community council, campaigning to save a local green space, helping at a food bank, beach and park cleans ( I swear you meet the loveliest people when you are all litter-picking) . I also did Homestart for 3 yrs with the same family and I felt I really made a personal connection with the family and still see them occasionally now. If you don’t fancy committing to volunteering how about art or photography classes or a book club or something crafty my chum does a knitting group and the better knitters help the beginners, Anywhere that you can share an interest, can start a conversation. Martial arts sounds great and you’ll get more fit as well.Even if you don’t make life long friends, at least you will be getting out of the house and meeting people 2 or 3 times a week. Look on local face group pages or online and see what group there are maybe there’s a rock choir or a fun orchestra near to you. Lastly don’t dismiss your local churches even if you are not religious they are welcoming and offering fellowship is one of their main things.

[wahd]

@AprilDecember I have tried volunteering but it isn't for me. I did it for many years and just ended up feeling like I had an unpaid job I didnt enjoy.

@Feliciacat I know I have so much love to give as a friend and it's hard that it is just never reciprocated with the same energy. I have stopped doing birthday cakes, home made cards, and lovely presents for everyone's birthday after not receiving anything for mine for another year. it would just be wonderful to have someone who gave so much like me.

@Meadowfinch I just spend alot of time alone. I work alone all day in my flat and I need more work so I spend alot of time procrastinating. I think the people part is the missing piece for me.

@Polominty I am part of an online bookclub and really enjoy it. I have seen a coffee morning at my local church. im not christan but they look friendly

[DcatAnnie]

I am also lonely and have no self confidence to put myself out there. I feel like I have a lot to offer a friend but no one is interested, so I know how you feel.
Have you thought about the Red Hatters?
https://britishredhatters2.weebly.com/

[Tarquina]

So let's get this straight, you have a partner, family members, work colleagues, lots of friends, and also your mother is still around, and you are on here complaining that you are "lonely"?

The reality is, you are not lonely. You are just bored and seem to have no hobbies or interests or any other of amusing yourself or filling up your time without involving other people.

I can tell you what lonely is. It's when you are like me, and you have no parents, no children, no family, no work colleagues, and no friends. Lonely is when your phone does not ring for weeks and when it does it just a scam call from a telemarketer. I'll tell you what lonely is, it's when you are on your own all day every day seven days a week, never get invited anywhere, never invited to a party, a wedding, or anything else.

I suggest that you learn to count your blessings and to be grateful that you have so many people in your life, and that all you need to do is find a few hobbies and interests to fill up the time when there is no one available to keep you company.

[garlictwist]

I have been in your position. I found the best groups to join were a walking group and a choir. The people there were very friendly and especially with the walking group there is nothing to do but chat.

[Emelene]

You’re not alone OP. I am a professional, i work with people daily and have a lovely husband and kids and still sometimes feel quite lonely - it’s about deeper connection and being known i think.

You sound lovely. Could you get a pet for company? Or try a choir as above? Or are you interested in Church - lots of community there?

[GordoStevensMustache]

@Tarquina

So let's get this straight, you have a partner, family members, work colleagues, lots of friends, and also your mother is still around, and you are on here complaining that you are "lonely"?

The reality is, you are not lonely. You are just bored and seem to have no hobbies or interests or any other of amusing yourself or filling up your time without involving other people.

I can tell you what lonely is. It's when you are like me, and you have no parents, no children, no family, no work colleagues, and no friends. Lonely is when your phone does not ring for weeks and when it does it just a scam call from a telemarketer. I'll tell you what lonely is, it's when you are on your own all day every day seven days a week, never get invited anywhere, never invited to a party, a wedding, or anything else.

I suggest that you learn to count your blessings and to be grateful that you have so many people in your life, and that all you need to do is find a few hobbies and interests to fill up the time when there is no one available to keep you company.

Harsh. Its not a race to the bottom. If she says she's lonely she is. There's nothing wrong with wanting human connection.

[Ohyeahwaitaminute]

I normally have quite a lot on at weekends, so if a friend rang on the day, wanting to hang out… then I might struggle to see them. (Obviously if there was a crisis, then I’d drop everything).

However, if a friend contacted me today and suggested doing something this coming weekend, then I’d be delighted to see them.

So, why not plan ahead, and book a date with a mate for this weekend?