When other parents assume you’ll watch their child when out?!

[Mummaclarkson]

Hi all,
I want your advice as I’m a bit annoyed today! Went out with my new friend yesterday and spent all day running around after my young child as well as hers!! She sat down watching most of the time from afar while I made sure they were both safe! Why do some people do this?! I feel like I’m a target for this! Anyone else experienced it and what did they do?!

[TTPD]

How old were the children? Do you maybe have different expectations of the level of supervision required? Could she have been sitting down thinking "why is she hovering over the children so much?" rather than "oh good, she's doing all the work and I'll relax!"

She might still be wrong and a bit lax on supervision, but she might not have been expecting you to do it either.

[BananaHammock23]

We have friends like this and I've stopped hanging out with them. It's so frustrating. It's like they expect it to be a nice day out for them... while we parent their kid. Constantly saying how much he loves us etc...

[Tiredmama328]

Maybe her child doesn't need the level of supervision yours do?

Or maybe she's usually the one always running round after others but is just struggling at the moment/ really needed a break today. I've been that person.

If she's a new friend, you have no idea what might be going on in her life.

Whatever you do, don't message her about it (as my delightful friend did- I was told I had a life threatening condition the same day and was in shock. ).

Who knows.

[PinkLemonade3]

She might be comfortable watching from a greater distance than you. I used to have a friend who was very interactive with her children and mine when we’d get together. I wanted to let them play on their own a bit and felt under more pressure to engage. She might have wondered why I was leaving her to do all the work.

[K0OLA1D]

How old are the dc?

[Kneeslikethese]

What do you mean you had to run around after them?
I have a friend who when we used to go to the park got involved with everything, went on the swings/slide etc. I parent very differently, I have 2 children close in age and leave them to get on with their play while I watch.

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

More info needed really. And what would happen if you just… didn’t?

[pinkyredrose]

You didn't have to run around after her kid, you chose to. Why didn't you tell her to look after her own kid?

[coxesorangepippin]

Bil and sil do this

They are the only parents I know that take their kids to the park and sit with their backs to them

[Youcancallmeirrelevant]

@TTPD

How old were the children? Do you maybe have different expectations of the level of supervision required? Could she have been sitting down thinking "why is she hovering over the children so much?" rather than "oh good, she's doing all the work and I'll relax!"

She might still be wrong and a bit lax on supervision, but she might not have been expecting you to do it either.

This would be my first thought. I have some friends who hover around theit children when we are out at the park whereas i don't

[IncognitoUsername]

What would have happened if you just sat down? SIL was like this when DC were young. Always hovering over the children. She bought DS over to me one time for a wet wipe as he’d got a bit of dirt on the back of his hand!

[Riverlee]

Where were you? Content is everything. If soft play area, then letting them roam will be fine. Busy cafe, then not.

[Youcancallmeirrelevant]

@coxesorangepippin

Bil and sil do this

They are the only parents I know that take their kids to the park and sit with their backs to them

I mean i do at least look at my kids in the park but i don't play with them, isn't that the point of taking kids to the park?!

[Mummaclarkson]

So more info from messages back, we were at a busy park outside near a busy road one side and a fence and a bit of field with a cliff the other side (at the sea side) park was not enclosed so they could have ran off anywhere. My child is 4, and hers just 3. We’d already been out to two other public and open spaces near cars where I’d had to make sure they weren’t running off whilst the other mum was looking at her phone, making phone calls. I don’t mind looking after children it’s my profession, but I expect to be helped!! My sister does it too, leaves her child to run off in public places and then runs back to ask me if I’ve got him, erm yeah I’m not going to let children just run off to get lost! Maybe I am over the top but I’d rather not loose my child or other people’s! They are vulnerable at that age and they are supposed to be supervised!!!

[Riverlee]

In a non-enclosed space, then they do need keeping an eye on.

[dartino]

I've had this but usually from complete strangers or at least casual acquaintances. I refuse to supervise or parent someone else's children and only look out for my own. I find that if you take on that role they simply come to expect it so you need to set out your boundaries, and they can deal with the natural consequences of their behaviour. Admittedly it's a bit more awkward if someone is an actual friend or family as it might affect your relationship with them if something happens to their dc, but tbh that's how they need to learn to be supervising them properly.