State school teachers with DC in private

[AvoBaconHalloumi]

Is anyone here a state school teacher with a DC in a private school? We are thinking of moving DC to private over the course of the next year should they get in and a place become available, Years 3 5. I can't imagine anyone at my current school will be particularly interested/ fazed by it but just wondered if anyone has had any negative reactions? Reasons for moving is to avoid the 11 plus angst (school goes to 18) I am going FT after Oct half term so we can afford it and I feel my DCs needs would be better met at the private school.

[Phineyj]

It doesn't matter how bland and deflective you are, in my experience you do get the odd individual who takes everything you chose that isn't identical to them as a negative comment on their choices, or is simply spoiling for a fight. You do have to be guarded in what you say. I tell people if they push me, that I chose the independent for the wrap around care. If they start on the patronising 'oh it must be nice...', I point out that DH and I are both teachers so have zero flexibility on the days and hours we work most of the time. I was running the risk of losing my job if I'd left the primary place process up to the council.

[Scarby9]

A headteacher of a small village primary school (3 classes) moved her own child to private from class 2 because she didn't rate the teacher.
And told people so.
This was after she had been HT for about 6 years and had never taken any action in relation to this teacher.
We did judge her abilities as a head.
The school was not a happy place while she was HT.

[WombatChocolate]

It's similar to having conversations with other parents - no-one really likes the idea that some kids are getting something that theirs aren't getting, unless they are of the view that it absolutely isn't better.

With both parent friends and colleagues, I find its best to say very little about the merits of the independent school and certainly not to make comparisons. Unfortunately, I've been in groups of parents where a friend with a child in an independent has raved about it and slagged off the local state provision.....which most of the other parents use! Said friend is a 'first time' Independnet education consumer and thrilled with the fact she can afford it and can't seem to help herself bragging about it, in the same way she likes to rave about her Ocado delivery or 3 Ensuite bathrooms.

Personally, I find, saying very little about the details of things like sports provision, doing 3 languages, all doing 3 sciences, small class sizes, faciltiies and resources or amazing results, works better.

When you meet fellow parents for the first time, it is quite common to ask where they go to school. However, most people don't ask any further detail. On he odd occasion when I've been asked why we made the choice we did, I've always been careful to avoid saying anything negative about the state provision or saying it was the best option for them individually - lots of people say this and seem to think it is an acceptable answer, but actually, I do t think it's a helpful one. This is because the independent option may well have been the best option for loads of individuals....but they don't get to receive it because they can't afford it. The answer implies that I as a parent chose what was best for my individual child, whilst others didn't.......at least that's certainly the way lots of people will hear it, who are a bit sensitive about other children having access to something theirs don't. So my answers tend to be a bit vague and not about anything specific and certainly not comparative.

[Phineyj]

I've had no issues at all in work, but then after a year of seeing the excellent independent primary in action I went over to the independent sector myself (it was mostly a desire to match the term lengths though and stop working 7 days a week). I have, however, been harangued at length on crowded trains about the iniquity of grammar schools, once by my MIL and once by an NCT "friend". Grammar schools really get people riled up. I left the NEU partly due to their prejudice against independents and grammars.

[ganamar]

I don't teach but I work in a state primary, and my son is at private secondary. I've had a mix of reactions - a couple openly hostile, a few who've said they would do the same if it was an option, and most just say very little about it. Of those, I shouldn't think the majority are remotely interested, but I've also sensed a few slightly pursed lips. I suspect there's a bit less judgment because my son goes to the school where DH teaches, and somehow that seems to be more 'allowed'.

[StrumpersPlunkett]

I have had a v strong reaction from a teacher in the staff room.
I only mentioned where my children go to school as she was really slating the school for having children who were all standing up straight with clean uniforms on the prospectus. I made the suggestion that any school paying for photographs for a prospectus would put the ones in clean uniform on the cover, which started my involvement in the conversation.
We had v specific reasons for our choice of school and she has no knowledge of that.
I suggested that we live in a country where there are options in schooling and there is no reason why as a firm believer in a strong high quality, well funded, free state education system, that it should mean that I don't make an alternative choice for my children.
She has been v pleasant since, I am also though the person who has close friends for and against brexit, on the left and right of the political spectrum. Her views don't bother me.

[balloonsintrees]

@AvoBaconHalloumi should've also said that for DD (10 years younger) she will go private prep with the aim of doing the same as you, grammar for secondary.

[AvoBaconHalloumi]

Thank you all for your responses. Yes we are aiming for grammar after 11 plus to avoid fees but if this doesnt work out then we will keep in private. Fees are less than a mortgage to move into the area of the top rated comp !

[balloonsintrees]

I work in state and DS in private. No negativity but I think the town has a unique set up...I work in an all girls comp which is excellent and if DS was DD would have no issue in them attending my school. But the local boys comp and mixed comp are dire and my colleagues know that DS would struggle hugely and may not make it alive. DS is a lazy so and so and didn't get 11+ so we were lucky to be able to send him to small local private school.
Most colleagues aim for grammar for their DS's anyway because of the situation.

[reefedsail]

That is my experience too Rosie. We even talk about our kids' schools in staff meetings- we compare how we are choosing to deal with stuff (curriculum change) etc to how the other schools are doing it from the experience of being parents at those schools. (e.g. Well, xxx have sent a letter to Y6 parents saying yyy).

TBF it may be a small town thing. I don't remember having those conversations when I worked in a 4 form entry school in a big city.

[Rosieposy4]

Surprised oldwestern, as educators it is literally almost the second question teachers ask if they know you have kids

1. how old are they
   
2. where do they go to school

[oldwesterntavern]

Sure taking an interest but I just can’t imagine passing judgement in a way that someone would be this worried about it.

[Danglingmod]

Secondary here too and it would be unusual not to take an interest in other people's children and where they go to school, I'd say. Natural topic of conversation, isn't it, especially if you have colleagues with children in yr 5/6 coming up to secondary school decisions? Obviously in a massive school, you wouldn't chat to or know stuff about everyone but certainly your dept/immediate colleagues.

[oldwesterntavern]

I work in a secondary so perhaps it’s different

[reefedsail]

I'm not sure why you would question that really . I work in a community primary school in the West country and the vast majority of staff live locally- maybe 2 or 3 commute a few miles. Most of the staff kids go to one of three local primary schools (including ours), so of course we gossip talk about the other two schools a lot!

[oldwesterntavern]

OK - if you say so!

[reefedsail]

@oldwesterntavern because when you are having a conversation with a new colleague they say 'do you have any children?'- you say yes and the next question is 'which school are they at?'

[oldwesterntavern]

Why would you need to mention it? Just wondering, not being arsey

[moggiemonster]

I had negative reactions at previous schools and had to sit through people voicing extremely derogatory views about children in private education 😕. Mind are in private education as one has various special educational needs but was falling through the cracks despite having a statement then an EHCP. Not disruptive enough or low enough to get a share of the limited resources. Seemed pointless and wrong to keep fighting so we paid and got excellent help in a mainstream independent. Second got a scholarship and turned down a grammar school place.

Saved myself more years of stress fighting colleagues to give support that they are unable to give because of cuts, unreasonable targets and dealing with all the other demands which outside agencies no longer provide.

[Danglingmod]

Yes. I and several of my colleagues have/had our dc at the local private. No-one comments negatively although I imagine, in part, that's because of safety in numbers. And, in my case, a bit of a pass because of ds's SEN.

[Fuzzyspringroll]

DS attends the same independent school I work at. It has the benefit of being convenient and bilingual. He could have gone to our local state primary but we're only in catchment for a large 4-form primary school, which shares a campus with our local secondary. Not too keen on that, to be honest.
He probably would have attended that school regardless of where I work. We're abroad, so it's affordable and they are one of the few schools around that teach English properly and not just the odd hour here and there.

[Rosieposy4]

My kids started at private before I started teaching.
The only secondary where we live ( fixed due to DHs work as well as mine) awful and has bounced in and out of ri, including a time where the local authority sacked the governing body en masse. [As a result house prices are cheap and lots of dc go private for secondary]
I have had the odd snarky comment, but since I happen to teach in a very leafy comp where lots of the kids have moved into catchment to attend our school I have been able to to respond along the lines of hypocritical to work somewhere where the vast majority of dc are being selected for on wealth via excessive house prices and simultaneously criticise me for doing the same but without the benefit of getting the money back in house value.

[Geraniumblue]

At the previous (state) school I worked in the school secretary’s children were at a private school and one of the teacher’s children also. No one cared. It was homeschooling that was treated with horror!

[olivo]

I worked in state education for 20+ years and my DCs went to a private school. I faced an odd comment but most people didn't bat an eyelid. Do what you feel is best for your DC.

[ohthegoats]

I'd snap someone's hand off for a private education for my child. It does not sit with my politics, my mother in law would be HORRIFIED, but the opportunities from it are amazing. Just smaller classes more than anything, especially at secondary. My friend works at a v posh private and has suggested that if we're going to do it, we send her from 11 - 16, then 6th form for A-levels. So, we'll see where we are financially when she's 11.