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Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

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Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

The staffroom

Child not collect from school

35 replies

Fullofthought · 03/03/2019 17:06

If my daughter was not collect from school by her father what would happen at your school. He is responsible for every wed and alternative Friday pick ups? On my days I'm never late to pick her up/ drop off. I'm worried that she's going to get really upset over this and that the school will hold it against me in some way. He has physically said he cannot do it but has been court ordered to do it so has to unless he goes through the solicitor to change the agreement. If social services do get involved would that be with me too or just him? Thanks

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Fullofthought · 05/03/2019 21:12

Right, I've managed to sort this where he is now going to be picking DD up from my parents on one day and from myself on the other day so he has no involvement with school pick up and drop off now which is much better.

OP posts:

IggyPoppers · 03/03/2019 20:48

I'd just let the school know he's meant to pick her up but if he doesn't to please just call you. Then if it goes back to court you can say he didn't collect her and the school can back that up. But most parents do take holidays and usually contact changes when that happens...

Smoggle · 03/03/2019 20:15

The day he is supposed to collect I would go into school when you drop her off and inform the teacher and the office that he is collecting, it's his court ordered contact, and give them his number to call. Bring a copy of the court order with you.

Smoggle · 03/03/2019 20:11

The only action the school will take is they will call him (if they know he is picking up) and then if he says he can't/won't come they will call other contacts until someone collects.

Fullofthought · 03/03/2019 19:33

I would of course be there in a heartbeat to pick my dd7 up if I got the call to say she hasn't been collected. My solicitor said as I argued in court that this would be the case i Have to allow him to not collect her and the school to take the relevant action against him for the order to change. I want to get a idea of what this action involves. He is constantly trying to change the order and we are only on week 5. First unsupervised vist this Saturday and due to pick her up from school the following week where he told her that he is going on holiday the Friday when he is ment to pick her up from school but has not told me. He is using the excuse that he lives too far away to pick her up which to me is not a accepted reason and he has a few options over this that I suggest in court but in court he said he could 100% be there to get her. I offered phone contact instead or for him to pick her up from my parents but he wasn't happy with either of these and wanted to pick her up.

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 03/03/2019 18:37

Are his reasons for not being able to collect her valid and reasonable? If so can you get her from school like usual and keep her until he can collect her? If you both can agree on a course of action surely the court mandate isn't something too worry about too much.

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2019 18:28

If he physically can't do it then he needs to make arrangements.
I agree there's no way I'd leave my child at school knowing this, whatever the rights and wrongs, but will it cause problems if he miraculously turns up after two minutes and the mother has 'taken' the child? Op get his "can't do it" in writing.

IggyPoppers · 03/03/2019 18:23

Sadly no one can be compelled to parent their own children be there a court order or not. If the OP has parental responsibility for her child and refuses to collect her then this will be seen as a fairly serious. TBH social services won't give a fig that there's a court order in place. Both her parents will have failed her and she's being used as a pawn. Collect your kid and go back to court. But would it not be in your child's best interest to show some flexibility in the schedule? I don't know anyone with a blended family doesn't occasionally need to change the schedule around.

RickyGold · 03/03/2019 18:23

I paid my childminder for the times my ds was meant to be with his dad, I know that I shouldn't have had to but the reduction in stress for me and my ds always been collected was well worth it.

Scabetty · 03/03/2019 18:21

He has to arrange after school care

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/03/2019 18:18

I don't think the ex means it is physically impossible for him, by being out of the country or something. I think the OP means that he has personally said to her that he cannot do it, and won't organise anyone else to pick up on his behalf.

Are you able to go to the school and wait with her? When her father doesn't show up you can just take her straight home.

I would also talk to the school. Ask to speak to whoever is the relevant person and explain the situation - that there is a court order in place for those days, but he is highly unlikely to actually pick her up.

Sirzy · 03/03/2019 18:14

We can’t judge the father because we don’t know the reasons. The op has said he physically can’t do it but that doesn’t say why he physically can’t. Nor does she say if she is physically able to do it on those days

RandomMess · 03/03/2019 18:14

It is the fathers responsibility to sort out and pay for childcare!!!!

The op may be working, or the op may wish to collect instead...

Penguinandbear · 03/03/2019 18:13

The situation would be exactly the same in reverse - if the mother was refusing would be father's responsibility. Any responsible parent wouldn't leave their child at school distressed with no-one looking after it. It's not fair on school staff or the child, an emergency is different. It's neglect by both parents.

TeddyIsaHe · 03/03/2019 18:01

Situation like this really fuck me off. Why is it op’s problem to sort out when her dd’s father is being a useless piece of shit and refusing to pick his own child up from school? Any decent human would never do that. Op is caring for her child exactly as she should, why are men allowed to slack off and mothers are left to pick up the pieces? And posters on here are implying it would be op’s fault of this happened!! Get out of the 50’s would you?

If he can’t pick up his own child from school then he needs to arrange suitable childcare that he can pick her up from.

SD1978 · 03/03/2019 17:51

This is a tough one. Ultimately they can't force him to have contact with his child, but can force you to facilitate contact- it's a bollocks system where there's no comeback (except court) to decrease time and arrangements for a father who doesn't participate. Are you able to collect on these days last minute if he doesn't turn up? Has he failed to turn up so far? If this was me, and the order stipulated picking up from school and he didn't- I would t be doing it and then handing her over at a time that's convenient for him after my plans being scuppered last minute- I'd be looking to have the court order adjusted to include child minder/after school care as standard for his days.

AndromedaPerseus · 03/03/2019 17:46

Our LA would contact social services if a child was not collected in a reasonable of timeframe and all contacts had been tried and failed. Ss would arrange overnight emergency foster carers for the child and in the morning pursue it as a safeguarding issue.

Lougle · 03/03/2019 17:41

It's contact time, not "no responsibility for your child" time. You still have parental responsibility for your child 100% of the time. If you know that he isn't going to attend to pick her up, then pick her up, as you would in any other situation.

Be cross with him, keep a note that he didn't fulfill his contact time, if you need to. But don't make your DD a pawn in a game of chess.

IggyPoppers · 03/03/2019 17:38

Yes social services will be involved with the child. This absolutely would involve both parents. If you both effectively abandon her at school you may both be deemed unfit to have her. Don't play silly games, OP.

cocomelon23 · 03/03/2019 17:37

I thought a court order couldn't force a parent to do something. I thought a court order meant that a child has to be available to that parent at the specified times.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 03/03/2019 17:35

Surely if he can’t collect ( because if work etc) it’s up to him to arrange appropriate care ie pay for for after school club until he can get there or book a childminder and pay for every wed / fri even he isn’t using the cm

This. Can't see why so many pps think it should be the mum's problem.

CarrieBlue · 03/03/2019 17:32

If he can’t collect her then he’ll have to do what everyone else does and get her into after school club/childminder/relative picking up. Why should the op do his job for him, I’m sure she has plans in place for the days she needs to collect?

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Orchidflower1 · 03/03/2019 17:31

Surely if he can’t collect ( because if work etc) it’s up to him to arrange appropriate care ie pay for for after school club until he can get there or book a childminder and pay for every wed / fri even he isn’t using the cm.

Sirzy · 03/03/2019 17:27

If he physically can’t do it and you can then why can’t you?

Even if it’s court ordered contact time that doesn’t mean you can change it when both agree

RandomMess · 03/03/2019 17:27

He needs to arrange and pay for childcare or someone else to collect such as family...

Is there a Eason why you couldn't or wouldn't want your DD instead?

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