How to help DP leave teaching?

[losingit100]

I'm after some career advice please.

My DP is a teacher (a bloody brilliant one!) and is the main breadwinner. My salary is small and low-paid as my job fits around the school-age children. I'm happy to work all the hours in the world, but we have no family help so we'd be paying for childcare if I was out of the house more.

He had a long period of mental ill health (caused by work). He recovered from that and went back to work.

Now he's got "bogged down" in his job again. His mental health has gone downhill again. It is affecting me and the kids. I can see how he's got to where he is, but by the same token, I'm not prepared to live like this any more.

I'm convinced that we will never be a happy family unless he leaves teaching. It drains him so much that he has little left for himself or us. He does literally nothing for himself, preferring to give his last drop of energy to us.

He keenly feels his responsibility as being the provider for us and refuses to believe that there is an alternative. He just wants to continue to provide the level of income for me and the children at his own detriment and suffering. He has said for years that the job will kill him in the end.

I feel powerless to help him change as we just keep coming back to the question of how he can earn a similar amount. He also feels unemployable because he's been a teacher so long and he doesn't have any other skills!? I'm sure he's wrong, but I have no specific answers as I don't know enough about it.

Has anyone been in a similar position and successfully made a change? What other jobs can ex-teachers do that aren't poorly paid? Where could I point him for career advice?

[Banjopluckface]

I left teaching to do supply 3 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. I'm not our main family income through, so it was fine for me to do this part time. I have seen many others who do do this as a full time job and it seems to work well for them.

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

He would be very employable in the civil service
All the CS jobs I have seen recently7 have been only open to people already in the CS/redundant from CS.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Thirding the PRU suggestion. Much better work life balance I think, as long as he can manage the extra challenge during contact hours.

[eyeoresancerre]

I think the very nature of the type of people who go into teaching are those who will always go above and beyond to help.
Where else would you get people working so many extra hours for no extra overtime pay.
However this does lead to burnout after a few years (hence the high rate of teachers leaving).
I came to a crunch point, like your husband, a few years ago and the choice I made was to work out what was important in my teaching day (focus on that) and all the rest of it I spend minimum time on e.g subject leadership, assessment, deep marking etc.
I think: so what if I never get promoted, never get my tiny pay rise, never get invited to be head of year.
Only by recalibrating my mindset to not caring about the quality of my paperwork and only caring about my pupils well being and the actual teaching have I managed to get past the point your husband is at. Perhaps him talking it over with someone would help him see a way through to carrying on but without the huge burden in his shoulders he currently has.

[rollonthesummer]

all the rest of it I spend minimum time on e.g subject leadership, assessment, deep marking etc

This is pretty much how I operate. Sadly in my last school, it would have meant being put on capability if any of these things were below par. Staff do not seem to stay there long but they are an 'outstanding' school-not that it makes a blind bit of difference, clearly!

[eyeoresancerre]

Rollonthesummer I totally get that. Really does depend on the school doesn't it. I worked at an Outstanding school once but never again. I now work in a Good school where they focus on a work life balance.
So tricky isn't it. Some head teachers just behave dreadfully to their staff.

[leccybill]

I was the main earner and I quit, after 11 years. My mental health was under enormous strain - which I couldn't even really see at the time.

I've been doing supply for two years. I did day to day for a term then landed a 'long term but still on supply' job in a nice school. I love it because the pressure is off. I'm not part of the performance management cycle so I don't do a lot of ridiculous hoop jumping. I plan, teach, mark and leave at 4 ish usually. My family said I am like a completely different person now.

If your DP is a good teacher, he'll get good references and good feedback from the first supply roles which will lead to more.

[eyeoresancerre]

Leccybill : I hope you don't mind me asking but do you get paid over the holidays? That's my only worry about leaving to do supply.

[NoSuchThingAsTooMuchCoffee]

ImperialBlether what's the significance of 'Mumsnetforum' appearing in the link to that book? (Probably being daft here)

[leccybill]

No, I don't and it's hard. I do supply full time when ordinarily my choice would be 0.8 or 0.6. I do a bit of tutoring too.
That is the big down side. We've had a quiet Easter holiday and I explained to DD that we didn't have much money to do things. But I am still 100% happier and that reflects in how I act now. We used to go on a lot of fancy holidays but I was bloody miserable.

[eyeoresancerre]

Ahhh I see so you work more during the term time to compensate for holidays that makes good sense.

[eyeoresancerre]

I get the fancy holiday bit because I used to do the same and at the start of week 2 I'd be dreading the holiday ending as it would be back to work. It's not a good way to live.

[losingit100]

Thank you all for your kind and informative replies. I am going to write them all down and discuss with DP when he's in the right frame of mind...not tonight as it's back to school tomorrow for him!

[BobbinThreadbare123]

You have to think outside the box. I taught for a number of years and had enough, so I got out. I don't do anything related to teaching, or children, or education. I do use the skills I honed in teaching, though. Get on TES and read; I am on there and I have been contacted by a number of people wanting to escape the grind of teaching. I see a lot of English and humanities teachers asking, as their workload is so bogged down with marking compared to many other subjects. I am a scientist so I knew I was employable outside, and I'd done another career before teaching. No job is worth destroying your health or losing your family for.

[RidiculousVehicle]

'What colour is your parachute' is a good book for helping to make these kinds of decisions.

I'm sure you will have explored whether he can access counselling through occupational health at school (we used to be able to get it via the local authority I think) or his union?

A former colleague who burnt out in secondary teaching moved into being a researcher in a university. The conditions were much better.

I'm about to move from a MAT to a small independent school mainly for the much smaller student numbers - being responsible for nearly 200 sixth formers in a humanities subject is killing me! (although I do my absolute best to take care of myself mentally and physically - my DH sounds like yours though - he will literally work himself into the ground, won't admit it if he is ill etc - very difficult for the other half).

[0hCrepe]

Ive worked in different areas of special needs and done supply. Specialising is definitely a nicer job, for me anyway.
Another friend who was basically observed out of her job now works in a respite care home for children with disabilities.
Another trained to teach dyslexic children and is a private tutor.
BUT
I think if he is that stressed maybe he needs to get away from it completely for a while. The thing about teaching is that you feel constantly criticised, by the government, management, parents, by your own lack of knowledge, by other teachers, even by pupils. It's not just the hours it's having a constant voice telling you you're doing it wrong. Even when you're trying really hard. Then management introduce a new scheme or teaching style which takes a lot of thought and energy. There's no room for an off day.

Having had lots of building work done recently I've learned that people will pay good money for an organised, friendly, skilled workman. Is he handy at all? Could he train for something like painting and decorating? Tiling? Window cleaning? Become a taxi driver?Painters fetch between £100-150 a day near me which is the same as a day's supply.

[losingit100]

Thanks bobbin and ridiculous - you make great points. As I said, I'm making lists of suggestions.

Ohcrepe he is very handy and practical. Can turn his hand to any DIY. Good idea!

We've got as far as him admitting he needs to leave the profession (or do something very different within it). It will take time, but baby steps is how this is going to go, I think.

[rollonthesummer]

Another friend who was basically observed out of her job

I am hearing of this over and over again . Let me guess-was your friend an expensive experienced teacher?

[0hCrepe]

She was not an nqt, maybe had 5 years experience. But she was expected to differentiate for every child for every lesson and show it in her lesson plans. She was told one thing one lesson which she'd try to implement for the next one and then be told she shouldn't have done it then. Horribly stressful.

The other one was very experienced and head of fs. The school went into special measures (though fs was judged good) and a super head flew in and destroyed my friend's resources, literally throwing them in a skip and turned the fs classroom into a minimalist classroom with the 3-5 year old children focusing on learning to write a sentence with punctuation. At a school with a high number of needy children lacking stimulation and enriching play and language opportunities. That was the end of my friend's time in a school. She could never go back.
Rant.... rant.

[MaybeDoctor]

I'm an ex-teacher and very happy to be one. I don't regret going in to teaching, but I do regret not leaving a bit sooner.

It isn't working for him anymore so, fundamentally, he just needs to stop even if the route forward is not yet clear. Because only by stopping will he get the head space to work out what should come next.

I have to go but will write a bit more later.

[leccybill]

Completely agree with Maybe.

I had to leave before I went under. Only then could I heal and then move forward.

[0hCrepe]

I agree too.

[MaybeDoctor]

Two points:

1. For immediate income generation he could do a lot worse than go to his HT (or another HT he knows) and, after explaining that he wants to leave teaching, ask if there is a non-teaching job coming up in September. Schools are large employers and a sensible HT might see the benefit of retaining someone who knows how the system works. This would have the immediate benefit of keeping income coming in, providing a breathing space and acting as a transitional role away from teaching.
   
   
2. Look carefully at where the money is flowing in different sectors. Don't retrain for a role where funding is limited - LA advisors are being made redundant in droves at the moment and Ed Psych services are being contracted out.
   
   
3. Think beyond education. Look at your local and not-so-local employers - could his skillset fit there?

[losingit100]

Thank you maybe doctor for your replies. It's so true that he has no headspace to think how to leave. I will mention the idea of a non-teaching job. A fair proportion of his actual job seems to have nothing to do with teaching anyway, but more social care. Of course, on paper his job isn't the child welfare bit. So he still has to deliver academic results at the same time as they're asking him to be a social worker as well.