Confessions of a teacher

[PenguinBear]

Saw this thread on a teaching forum and thought it might be good for the MN staffroom!!

Anyone want to start? :)

[TwllBach]

Oooooh I also secretly love the excuse to belt out some cracking choooons

WHO PUT THE COLOURS IN THE RAINBOOOOW?
WHO PUT THE SPARKLE IN THE STAAAAAARS?

[OldRoan]

Twll I teach a little boy who is very hard work. To try and distract him from something I asked him to read to me. He got his book and I pointed at the chair next to me. He looked totally baffled, and said "but I want to sit on your knee!" And just scrambled up.

I go a bit wobbly just thinking about it.

[TwllBach]

OldRoan that's lovely

I had a year four class once, and I read them Twas The Night Before Christmas with them all sitting at my feet. At one point, one little girl completely forgot herself and gasped with delight and clapped her hands together. It was a lovely moment.

I also love reading stories to Reception. The way they utterly lose themselves in the story and how it only deepens the more expression you put in. It is pure magic.

[weneedtotalkaboutkettles]

My confessions aren't as sweet as the ones here but here we are anyway:

I think homework is a complete waste of time. I say thank you and praise children who do it but I don't punish ones who do not.

I ignore swearing

I quite like winding them up (not in a horrible way, just things like calling One Direction One Atlas - drives Y9 girls WILD )

I think a minority of kids are annoying little shits with few, if any redeeming features.

[LJBanana]

Twll you sound like a lovely teacher.
I really believe that it is an honour to be trusted to play a role in other people childrens lives. I see that in my eldest son's teacher too. It makes me all wobbly. I secretly hope they'll remember me forever-for good reasons of course!

[AntoinetteCosway]

I was once locking up the theatre after an evening rehearsal (boarding school). It was nearly pitch black down there and a horrible building anyway, so I was hurrying (am not really woo but was imagining horrible things!). One of the boys in UVI snuck back down the stairs and jumped into the studio shouting 'boo!' and I shrieked 'FUCKING HELL!', except it was worse because I stopped myself half way through, realising it was a boy playing a prank, and so actually just shouted 'FUCK ngng!' He took great delight in telling everyone for the rest of the year that I'd told him to fuck off, which I really hadn't, though I guess it was close enough.

I quite miss him, the little sod

[dramajustfollowsme]

I am really crap at arty and display stuff. I thought I had made a good job of making a display of various 3D shapes. Another teacher said, "aw bless, did one of the kids try to build a castle out of the shapes. It is a shame to put them away again."
I just muttered, "I know but at least they have ownership of their learning. "
I then got the 7 year old to make a new display the next day - it was much better than mine.

[Eggsiseggs]

Haha and awww to some of these!

Secondary teacher here. Sooo many teacher confessions!

I, too, think regular homework is a waste of time.

I probably let kids away with far too much (love the little blighters)

I join in with any ridiculous teacher jokes possible (not nasty ones!)

I confided once (to an a level student, to be fair!) that his coursework was so shit it was making me stressed, and that the class's general apathy towards their grades resulted in me going to the pub one Friday and smoking for the first time since the 90s

I listen to the kids' gossip whilst appearing not to, and saying things like 'it's unkind to talk about others when they aren't here to defend themselves blah blah' . Especially listen to gossip/complaints about other teachers

Ah, these are so mild, really. Haven't even gotten on to the teacher 'Snapchat Cock Challenge' yet

[martinedwards]

donkeys years ago I taught in a posh boarding school. my head of dept would be in the tech drawing room at the opposite end of the school from the tech workshop where I was.

One day he sent me a note to remind me to close the windows (doh!) on a folded up sheet of A0 (ie blinking HUGE) paper.

I said thanks to the young lad who brought the note and sent him on his way.

I got 4 of MY class, got them to put on their woodwork aprons, and I wrote "OK" on pencil on the top corner of a 8 x 4 sheet of plywood, and got the lads to take my note back to my HOD.

took them about 20 mins to negotiate all the corridors because THEY were laughing so much

[steppemum]

It is years since I was in the classroom but..

I had favourites.

And I still think of some of them and wonder what they are up to.

And we played (gentle) tricks on kids all the time.
My favourite - my first name is 'steppe' and so was the name of the NQT in the class next door. One of my year 3 (known for being very gullible) found that out and was amazed that there were 2 teachers called steppe. Ah yes, I said, it is a new rule that all new teachers are called steppe. At that moment a male teacher (also NQT) walked across the top of the hall I was in. ''Isn't that right Mr X, all new teachers have to have the first name Steppe?'' Oh yes he said, my first name is Steppe. and he walked off and the kid went off open mouthed. No idea how long she believed it!

[missmapp]

Steppemum- I once convinced a whole class my first name was Miss ! They kept telling me it was a good job I became a teacher, because I could use my whole name!!!

[dramajustfollowsme]

I have convinced a few classes that when you officially become a teacher you get eyes put in on the back of your head.

[mineofuselessinformation]

I once went to work dressed as a punk - hair in a Mohican dyed with cochineal, festooned in chains with an anarchy sign eye-linered on my arm. The rumour went round that my twin sister taught in my place for the day. I was nearly thrown out of the staff room as they didn't recognise me, and kids were walking past and then reversing to get another look.... I have never again reached those heady heights of cool.
I love it when hulking great 14 year old boys forget themselves and call me mum.

[roughtyping]

I dream about my classes! And DH always knows because I to in my sleep and say things like, "Little Jimmy, please sit in your seat."

I've cried over a few kids, thinking of their home life. One in particular. Hard work, but I would take him home any day. And he always asks after my husband and son. :(

[BonnieBeaumont]

I've cried over some of my pupils also roughtyping! I've thought of a few of them this week as it's half term and I know they won't have eaten properly without their FSM

[blueemerald]

I work in a secondary school for boys with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties in London. Like BitchyHen I worry about most some of them when I'm not at work. Holidays are hard.
I enjoy seeing the relief on their faces when they realise you are going to forgive them for throwing a table at you.

[ilovesooty]

I once told a class of year 10s that the helicopter hovering over the school was an Ofsted helicopter doing a preliminary inspection. They were being watched through telescopic lenses and their behaviour was being reported back directly to the Department of Education. They even believed my story that they had to use police helicopters for this surveillance due to budget cuts. It did cause some difficulty for me when they asked the Head about the Ofsted helicopter...

[NotAsTired]

It makes me smile when I do a day's supply at a school where I was doing maternity cover last year in reception and I walk through the hall at dinner time and about 20 year 1 children scream "Miss Notastired" and half a dozen children attempt to rugby tackle hug me.

[MushroomFuckerSoup]

Some of these are bloody lovely!

Heymicky if you were in my school, I would suspend you for that. I despair of a culture that a) thinks that's funny and b) thinks that other teachers will agree.

[LordPalmerston]

Lol. Heymicky is right. Never quite so vicious though. Sure the kids said way worse about us.

I guess levels. Often

[LordPalmerston]

In fact I hate levels.

[AntoinetteCosway]

I don't believe in levels. I mean, I know they exist, but I think it's bloody ridiculous to so specifically grade such young children.

[LordPalmerston]

History. Level 3 was dk thing like describing change

At what level? PhD level ?