Regretting the cat decision - need advice

[toastyloki]

Hello all,

I'm new here but this thread seemed about right for my particular situation. A quick background: I'm 16 weeks pregnant, with my first. About two weeks ago, my husband and I adopted 2 cats from the shelter - we had already met them before the holidays and so it wasn't a spontaneous decision. I've had cats my whole life growing up.

So, the last two weeks, I haven't felt any sort of bond or connection to the cats like I normally do with animals. I feel distant from them, and resentful that the entire apartment smells like litter. I don't know why I feel this way - because beforehand I was very excited to pick them up.

However, now I don't know what to do. Since it's only been two weeks, I don't htink the impact would be so big if we brought them back or found them a new home. Are my feelings temporary? Or is there a chance I resent them even more after the baby is born?

Thank you in advance for all the advice :)

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

toasty, I wasn't thinking of your situation as I agree, in some cases it is better for the animal. Many people should be stigmatised though as they treat pets as disposable. Rehoming shouldn't be the easy option (and again I'm not directing this at you OP).

Regarding a clause in the contract, I ignored that when DM died and I rehomed our cat to her lovely neighbour as that was better for him than going to a shelter.

[LittleFeileFooFoo]

I certainly resented my dh and his stinky feet during pg and right after birth, even though he was great. Hormones are a bitch!

It got better....

[toastyloki]

Hi Waiting, thanks for sharing your experiences. This is getting to the root of the question I was asking. But interesting to hear I am not the only one who did not want to be around the cats !

[toastyloki]

Hi Agnes, thank you for answering my question! :)

I also suspect hormones - because this is highly unusual for me to feel this way. I just don't know when / how long until they calm down.

That's a sweet story about your cat and DC, we were hoping for a similar bond with our DC.

[WaitingforSpring18]

I have two cats who were my babies before I had my real babies. I adored them. But they got on every nerve in my body after I had a real baby. I just didn't have time to stroke them or the inclination to. Anytime they came near me I felt irritated as it felt like another demand on me.

I'm glad to say that now I no longer have a small baby that I love my cats again. Though not quite as much as before.

[AgnesSkinner]

If you've loved having cats before then I would suspect it's pregnancy hormones at work here - wonder if things might settle down a bit once you get well into the second trimester and the hormones aren't so up and down?

I was about 5 months pregnant with DC2 when we got our 6 month old cat. I don't remember finding the litter tray a problem (but it was a large house and only one tray), but as a tortie she was a right little sod and it was tiring (DC1 was 6 so plenty of running around after him too),. On the plus side, when the baby arrived she seemed to really like being around him and often wormed her way into bath time (ended up in the bath herself once) and was always there for bed time stories.

[toastyloki]

Hi Sunshine, that could be. I will check the contract. Thanks for the tip :)

[toastyloki]

Don't worry, Pink, we donated extra money to the shelter when we picked the cats up ;)

I think a few of you are missing my point.

I am not asking permission if I can / should rehome cats.

I agree with Bringon - in certain situations, with the animal's best interest in mind, it is an acceptable path. I don't really care if some of you disagree - I've had enough experience to feel solid in this belief.

I was asking if any of you had experienced something similar while pregnant - if my feelings of resentment would go away after birth (keeping cats is fine) or whether they could get worse (rehoming cats is in their best interest).

[Wolfiefan]

I've already mentioned that Sunshine.

[Sunshine49]

Hi OP, when we adopted our cats there was a clause in the contract which said that if at any point in the future we can no longer give them a home, they must be returned to the shelter where they came from. If you do decide to rehome yours, it might be worth checking the contract just to see if there's anything similar (I think it's quite common for shelters to do this).

I'm sure that if your neighbours do want to take them, the shelter will be fine with that, but they may need to be informed and do a home visit to your neighbours' house first.

Apologies if someone else has already mentioned this - I haven't read the whole thread!

[Wolfiefan]

There's no asthma issue? Unless you have asthma.

[LittleFeileFooFoo]

I personally think the welfare of the animal is paramount. If someone is better able to care for it and gone it the affection and love it needs then rehoming is right.

I see to many animals neglected because people feel bad about rehoming. Op, i hope your neighbors enjoy and want the cats, you're doing good to be thinking of the cats. It's hard to recognize when you've made a mistake.

[Bringondrunkfeb]

re-homing pets isn't disposing of them, that's hyperbole. There should be a stigma about treating pets badly, or disposing of them. Always acting in the pet's best interest isn't disposing of them.

What do you want pink, op to keep cats that she's figured out she'll resent over time when they could be adored pets of her neighbours, or for her to wear a hair shirt for her 'crime'?

Would it make you happier if Op paid for her mistake with a donation to the cat charity?

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

personally there should be less stigma about rehoming pets

Erm no there shouldn't. Too many people think pets are disposable without encouraging it

[toastyloki]

Hi Bringon, thanks for the input. A good friend of mine also had to rehome her dog after a move (from a house with a fenced in yard into a small apartment with no day care options). He lives in the country now with a little boy and another dog, he couldn't be happier :)

[toastyloki]

Wolfie, I believe you are not addressing the asthma issue because you know I am correct. Or would you lead me to believe that, if one of your children developed severe asthma, you would have them just "go through it" rather than rehome your "furbabies" ?

[Wolfiefan]

"Resentful that the entire apartment smells of litter"
You've just changed your mind and want to dispose of them.
Please contact the shelter if that's what your contract says.

[Bringondrunkfeb]

personally there should be less stigma about rehoming pets and you've had these for what is effectively the length of holiday care so far, so hardly going to be distraught at leaving you. I met a lady who'd taken in her daughter's very active dog as she'd struggled to cope with him with small DC and the dog was having a much better life with the GM.

I've also seen many sensibly rehome pets due to job losses when we lived in the US. Sometimes you do have to prioritize and you are clearly thinking of the animals' best interests here which is the only test that matters for the animals.

It's not in these cats' best interests for Op to be made to keep them and not bond and feel resentful of them.

[toastyloki]

@Wolfi, clearly you didn't read my original post. It's not about the litter trays. I don't clean out the trays. DH does. It's about the resentment I feel towards the cats.

Thyroid issues and arthritis are not comparable to asthma. I agree with you, thyroid issues / arthritis would be a bad reason to rehome a pet, but that also isn't comparable to what I am talking about.

[Wolfiefan]

Clearly you didn't at all. Cats use litter trays. You have to clean them out.
Please don't get any more pets.
No. I have never got rid of any of my pets. We have dealt with thyroid issues and arthritis and UTI and skin problems and diarrhoea and vomit. Because we love them.

[toastyloki]

Wolfie, we did think through the implications. But it would be no different if I brought them home and DH or DC developed an allergy to them. I would put their health above the cats and immediately rehome them, no questions asked. In this situation - I am here asking advice if other pregnant women have felt the same, if this could get better or worse - BEFORE the cats are completely acclimated to our home.

Hi Luxembourg and Bringon, thanks for all of the input. Crossing my fingers for tonight with the neighbors.

[Bringondrunkfeb]

i hope it went/goes well with the neighbours - seems like a good decision. People make mistakes, and op has realised this one quickly, not everyone is a perfect planner who thinks through things and you can't always control for the way you feel if you don't anticipate those feelings beforehand. It's a sign of being a responsible grown up to recognise and fix mistakes rather than let them turn into increasingly bad situations.

Seems a good decision op. I do agree having cats with no litter trays is far preferable - i have a gate on my utility so my toddler can't get in, i did know someone who re-homed cats because she didn't have a small area she could gate the cat litter off and it was a nightmare with 2 small ones.

[Luxembourgmama]

I resented my cat and didn't have much time for her when my DC is born. I'd send them back rather than resent them.

[Wolfiefan]

Poor cats. Actually it would be better to think through the implications of taking on a pet before taking on a commitment.

[toastyloki]

Hi Wolfie, I'm well aware how long cats usually live. No pet is a pet to take on and "dump" a few days later, but I think it's better to give them up after a few days rather than a few years.

Hi ElderlyLady, thank you for the tip! :) we will look into it