Stray cat, maybe? What to do?

[ToffeeWhirl]

My DS1 has recently 'adopted' a local cat. He insists it is a stray cat and is underweight, so he has started to feed it regularly. Obviously, the cat is gobbling up the food, but he would, wouldn't he? He has a lot of fleas - DS1 said he could see them jumping about - but when I saw the cat, he didn't look thin and his coat was shiny. He doesn't have a collar though.

DS1 now thinks we should take him to a nearby animal shelter to find him a proper home. Obviously, he would love to take him into our own home, but I'm allergic to most moggies and daren't take the risk.

How on earth do we find out if he is actually a stray cat? I don't want to inadvertently take someone's cat. I'm inclined to leave well alone, but let DS1 continue to feed him and pet him. (DS1 is missing our own cat, which died in June).

[ToffeeWhirl]

I like the sound of this gentleman too .

Oh lord, I don't like the sound of flea eggs in our house. I'm wary of making a big deal of it with DS1 because I don't like to feed his OCD fear of contamination, so I try to play down any germs/infection-type things. I suppose I could gently suggest that he needs to be careful about not bringing fleas home because we need to consider the welfare of our future cat.

[cozietoesie]

That was why I thought it was so difficult a situation for you. The infection type thing, coupled with his fixing on this cat and the loss of TK. I don't know, Toffee. I think you need wiser counsel - or your own.

[ZebraOwl]

I think the world would be a better place if more people had dance-offs with random cats. Obviously my BalletCats will defeat all comers due to their dance training...

Hells bells & buckets of blood but you're well & truly squished between the proverbial rock & hard place on this one. I wish I could come up with A Cunning Plan for you.

Does DS1 have a structure for "acceptable" hygiene/cleanliness i.e. not engaging in compulsive behaviours but Responding Proportionately To Risks/Situations that you could adapt? I know some therapists help people relearn things like "you wash your hands (once) after using the loo/before preparing food" and "you don't need to wash your hands because you touched a doorknob/someone else's hand" and so on (though can be tricky to get balance so doesn't simply become new set of Rules but is Helpful Tool) & if he has that kind of framework in place you could try to slot in Rules For That Cat without making it A Thing, just a thing. (Does that make ANY sense at all? Lurgybrainfog & sleep-dep do not make for the whole coherent-being thing. Gah.) I guess it might be worth seeing if his therapist can offer some advice - is likely there'll be future new situations that risk triggering compulsions so some general guidance on managing events would be helpful perhaps? Might also be worth mentioning his attachment to this cat?

[ToffeeWhirl]

Cozie - I thought of discussing the issue with DS this evening, then realised that I could be messing up his sleep (fleas in the bedding, maybe - the imagination could run riot), so am saving the conversation for tomorrow. I will just be factual about it and not making too big a deal of it. Then watch and wait. He may be fine. Actually, I really think he will be fine because he's doing so well at the moment.

Zebra - the therapy you describe is Exposure Response Prevention and is exactly the therapy DS is having. He has had to do all sorts of unpleasant things to do with confronting his fear of contamination, the theory being that once the patient has dealt with such an extreme situation, the stuff he deals with normally becomes less anxiety provoking. It has been amazing watching the positive effect this therapy has had on DS over the weeks.

[HansieMom]

You could get a flea comb and let your son comb the cat and kill the fleas. I LOVE doing that. We had kittens once, too young for Frontline, and I used flea comb on them. It is very satisfying!

[ZebraOwl]

I knew there were Proper Actual Words out there somewhere...

Am so glad that your DS1's making so much progress.

Hope that some Happy Solution can be found for The Cat.

[ToffeeWhirl]

Hansie - a flea comb is a great idea. DS will love that. Thank you.

Zebra - yes, but the Proper Actual Words are all compressed into acronyms! I sometimes feel as if I am only talking in acronyms, eg. my son has OCD, so he is having CBT with ERP . I should add WTF?!

Oh and I have to share (off topic) that I have just heard that DS1 has a place at his former secondary school. He's going back. I can't believe it!

[cozietoesie]

Well done him! Is he pleased or a little apprehensive?

[ToffeeWhirl]

He's pleased at the moment. I expect the apprehension will come soon enough!

It's all happening so fast. I really never thought he'd go back to school. This is perfect timing for him because he'll be able to choose his GCSE options this year.

[cozietoesie]

It is happening fast. You'll have to watch out that it (and DS1) don't get all feverish with the pace.

[ToffeeWhirl]

Yes, I know. He has a good support team in place though - psychologist, flexible learning co-ordinator, SENCO, me! We will all be keeping a close eye and will be stepping in at the first sign of a wobble. I'm sure it's not going to be plain sailing.

[ZebraOwl]

It's the moments when you realise you sound as though you're reciting lines from a medical drama...

Am so pleased DS1 has a place at his old school: am sure his treatment team will make certain he's able to make the transition with minimal stress.

Oh but this is so awesome!

Now if The Universe could just see its way clear to giving The Cat its Happily Ever After...

[cozietoesie]

Makes you wonder what the effect of those (sadly few) months of Toffeekitten had on him. I rather think you have a cat person on your hands now.

[ToffeeWhirl]

'...lines from a medical drama' - you are so right.

The Cat was in her usual place on the street corner this morning. I expect DS will be over with her breakfast shortly.

[ZebraOwl]

All the medical jargon gets to be so natural, too, that you can start forgetting Most People Do Not Know These Things. Like accidentally Speaking Cambridge. Not such an issue now, but I used to have to be really careful when I came home for the holidays. Pidges in Plodges with Proctors and Porters; essay crises, formals & my College Daughters; supervisions, DoSes & Latin sayings - these are a few of those weird Light Blue things...

Are the cat's "owners" aware your DS is feeding their cat? People can get... unpleasant... over others looking after the animal(s) they neglect because it's THEIR cat. Like the person who was shutting an elderly cat out for most of the day and at night, not treating for ticks/fleas, not feeding regularly etc etc - but went nuts because said cat was spending lots of time in my friend's house. They weren't willing to change how they treated the cat, but they demanded my friend not let the cat into her flat (which was impossible because the poor creature was determined enough to battle through secured catflap!) because the cat was THEIRS.

[ToffeeWhirl]

Pidges in Plodges... etc

As far as I know, the owners aren't aware. I hope they don't say anything unpleasant to DS, but I will be having words with them if they do.

Apparently, the cat has also been going into the corner shop and they have been feeding her as well!

[ZebraOwl]

(and all made up on the spot, too...)

Might it be worth making sure DS knows to be careful & not to engage with them? Although I guess if you're always there (or v closeby) when he's feeding the poor moglet you don't need to warn him, just be ready to step in if they do decide to chuck a wobbly over someone being so dreadful as to care about their pet that's clearly not being looked after well enough...

[HansieMom]

When I would comb out a flea, I would crunch it with my fingernail on a hard surface and it is enormously satisfying. Ah, good memories! ;D

I may have said this before, but I took Paxil, an AD, and an unexpected side effect was that it eased, eliminated really, my OCD. living with OCD was horrible. Never at rest, wondering what would happen next.

[ToffeeWhirl]

DS1 is fine about the fleas, but not sure about the flea comb. I'm not sure your experience of nail crunching will convince him, Hansie .

I'm glad you found something that eased the symptoms of OCD. When DS1 is under its control, it affects every aspect of his life. He is quite giddy with the feeling of liberation at the moment.

[HansieMom]

Yes, but when you crunch a flea, it makes a popping sound. Isn't that enough to entice him??

Eight cats here and not a flea to be combed! Sigh.

Your cat was so beautiful. Like a big eared sprite.

[ZebraOwl]

I think flea-squishing is one of those things you either find immensely satisfying or the mere idea makes you feel a bit sick.

It is fantastic DS1's experiencing the joy of being in charge of the OCD rather than the reverse: hopefully knowing he can feel like this will help if he finds himself struggling in future. Obviously I hope that for him this is it & he'll never look back, but I know that sadly that may not be the case so it is good he'll have this reference point to motivate & reassure.

[ToffeeWhirl]

Oh, he was beautiful, Hansie . I like your description of him as 'like a big eared sprite'. He had us all under his spell (apart from DS2 who refused to be spellbound).

Flea squishing does not appeal, but I can be found late at night, hovering over DS2's mollluscums with tweezers (when he is anaesthetised by sleep), so am not entirely impervious to similar delights. It's not quite the same though.

Yes, Zebra, it is amazing that DS1 feels back in charge again. Relapses are common and I'm not expecting miracles, but hopefully he has learnt strategies with this therapist which will help him in the future. Best to learn them young too.

He managed to perform an 'ollie' this evening whilst skateboarding. Came home with flushed cheeks, looking very pleased with himself. Another confidence booster for him.

[ZebraOwl]

Am so pleased that DS1's doing so well atm & as you say learning young is best!

How is The Cat That Wants To Come In From The Cold doing?

[ToffeeWhirl]

The flea-ridden moggy is being well fed by DS1 . The cat runs up to him and meows loudly most evenings. He is always hungry, but I'm not sure that means he isn't fed at home. As Cozie said, he may be a Six Dinner Sid.

DS1 can feel little bumps under the cat's fur and said he noticed them on the wild cats he fed on holiday in Spain a couple of years ago. I suppose they are flea bites. In Spain, he started off feeding one wild ginger cat and ended up with the entire family. I think he was feeding six by the end, plus their kittens .

He is fine about the fleas, which is a reflection of how well he's going at the moment. He is still able to stroke the moggy, but is careful to wash his hands afterwards without being too over zealous about it. I think I may be more worried about fleas in the house than he is.

[ZebraOwl]

Splendid!

Possibly FRM is working on the principle it is sensible to ensure he has Options when it comes to food if the supply at home can be a bit irregular/isn't specially nice. Poor creature must feel pretty grotty being infested with fleas bless him.

Is lovely to hear how well your DS1 is doing