Help with process of adopting a dog (for 73 year old MIL)

[HepburnKNotA]

MIL has been living alone for a long time and is (finally!) thinking about adding a dog to her life for companionship.

She has owned a dog before (Labrador) but not for 25+ years.

She is in ok physical health but not great mental health (depression/anxiety, which we all feel a dog would really help her with as it would give her structure, companionship etc)

She doesn’t feel she can take on a puppy and we all think an older dog would suit her best.

If we approach a good rescue centre will they give her/us genuine honest advice about a dog she can take on? She really couldn’t take on a dog with any ‘emotional’ issues; she needs a gentle older dog that requires little to no training and only moderate exercise.

Our DD (age 7) visits her a lot so we are all keen too to make sure any dog can cope with a young child at times. We have started to look on rescue sites but so many of the dogs on there seem to be recommended only for teens or older. Obviously our 7yo DD would only see the dog every few weeks but still my MIL wants to be sure that she doesn’t end up more isolated with a dog that can’t cope with a child. Would a good rescue centre be diligent about this?

She is in London; any advice about rescue centres to avoid or to approach?

I think she could give a Middle Aged or elderly dog a really good home. We all want this to work out!!

[GeraldineFangedVagine]

Look at peaceful pets greyhound rehoming in Epping. My greyhound came from there and they sometimes have older dogs that need a home.

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

My parents are in their early and mid seventies with fairly young, big dogs. Their need for regular exercise and routine gives my parents structure, an excuse to go out and meet other people and get exercise, and companionship around the house.
It's all about finding the right dog, and a good rescue will help massively with that! Best of luck.
And I would second the Cinnamon Trust

[Clymene]

I know lots of people in London with dogs and none of them have had the experiences you have had @Notwiththeseknees. I'm sorry for your unpleasant experiences but they are by no means common.

OP - I met an man in the park last year whose dog had died and he couldn't decide if he was going to get another one so he went and had a look at Dogs' Trust (just to look you understand) and he saw this 10 year old mutt and their eyes met ...

That dog's owner had died and so they were both grieving. Honestly, they were so very happy together, it nearly brought a tear to my eye.

Any decent rescue will take a dog back if it's not working out so she doesn't have to foster to adopt - it's a dog, not a child.

[79andnotout]

My 70 year old mother lives in Tooting and has no problem walking her dog around there. She loves it.

[Notwiththeseknees]

Avocadosbeforemortgages

I'm guessing you've never lived in London, let alone with a dog.

You could absolutely not be further from the truth......

I notice you no longer live in London? You do know things change, don't you? If you read my post and my subsequent post properly....

[princessTiasmum]

I agree an older calm dog would be better for a lady of 73, as it may be happy with shorter walks and more at ease with being a lap dog too, whereas a young dog could be very restless and want a lot more attention
You could advertise for a small that might need rehoming for some reason, i was very lucky with my last dog, she was very laid back and such a loving dog
The only thing is to make sure you can go and see the dog first,and dont send any money
A big mistake i made the second time i was looking for a dog,aftet mine passed away,and i was scammed
Got another dog now, but again,i think i should have got an older dog, this one is gorgeous but very hyper,as he is only 17 months old

[Beamur]

One problem we had was finding a suitable small dog. Rescues were full of big strong dogs, but we did find one who had been overlooked due to not being a very appealing looking thing! She was terribly sad and withdrawn but has proven to be a very sweet and gentle girl.

[Beamur]

My Mum got a dog (with my support and help) after she retired. She was in remission for cancer and we knew it would probably come back. So, I agreed to have the dog if she died.
The dog was an absolute godsend for her. Good company, a reason to go out and you can become part of the mostly nice, dog walking community. The dog made my Mum very happy and really enriched her last few years. Dog now lives with me as Mum did die.
As long as you have contingency plans and ensure both your Mum and the dog are well, I think dog ownership would be a good thing for her.

[WineOrGinOrBoth]

Also try specific breed rescues as they sometimes have older dogs that need rehoming. Getting a rescue was the best thing we ever did.

[AvocadosBeforeMortgages]

Sorry? She's 73 with MH issues and you think that caring 27/7 for a dog would help with that? Walks twice a day, dealing daily with people in London with their dogs- some of whom are aggressive & rude, dog food, insurance and vets bills........ I totally disagree, you should get her a cat.

Crikey, it's depression and anxiety, not unmedicated paranoid schizophrenia. You'd probably be surprised to find out just how many of your own friends and family have depression and anxiety and are still functioning adults. I'm a dog owner with depression and I actually find having the dog helps a lot.

I lived in London for years, and for the last year of that I had DDog, before moving to another city a year ago. I don't recognise your description of London at all.

I always found London surprisingly dog friendly - there's lots of green spaces (I actually miss all the variety of green space we had on our doorstep... In zone 2!), they're welcome on all public transport (dogs are the one thing on the tube that make strangers start talking!), and there were so many other dog owners that you couldn't fail to meet and converse with other owners many times a day. I must have talked to thousands of others - and I'm really struggling to think of even a handful that were rude or aggressive. Many cafés are dog friendly, and you get the traditional local dog shows in the summer etc etc. It was actually a really nice place to own a dog.

I'm guessing you've never lived in London, let alone with a dog.

[princessTiasmum]

Some of these replies seem to hint that 73 is too old to get a dog, i adopted a dog four years ago [i was 72] and only recently lost her,
If your mil is in good physical health tell her to go for it
I have recently got another, but made a mistake as he is very young and pulls, and isn't housetrained,plus other problems
[on another thread]
I am sure your mil will be very happy with the right dog,
My last little dog made me very happy and didn't especially need long walks, in fact sometimes just refused,
Go to a reputable rescue though, my sister got a dog from a so called rescue and it took the skin off her hand, twice,after seeming to be very affectionate,she was heartbroken to have to take it back, but it was rehomed again within a week, poor thing probably ended up in several homes and then put down

[LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow]

failed or retired guide dogs!

the failures are for reasons that make no difference for a pet, occasionally a health issue, one of our had an eye issue that meant he most likely had tunnel vision and night blindness...not helpful for a Guide Dog
Some can have joint issues that mean a working life is not for them, but as a pet who is gently exercised/not allowed to become overweight the issues are not going to be problematic

Retirees can be surprisingly young... some dogs pass with flying colours but just cannot be arsed and have to be withdrawn, our first pup had to be retired at six as he had a cruciate ligament op. Some are older, but they do like to match the dog nicely to the family.

[FLOrenze]

I live in London, and have never encountered those negative feelings. Quite the reverse. I speak to more people now that I have the dog.

[HepburnKNotA]

That’s really good advice knees, hugely appreciated.

Hadn’t considered suggesting the fostering angle to her but it’s sensible.

I dearly wish she would move to the coast, she has few friends left here and we would visit her regularly! She could start a new(ish) life with the dog in a fresh new place, not cooped up in london which she does hate these days. Another angle to consider...!!

[Notwiththeseknees]

HepburnKNotA I think owning a dog in most situations is without doubt one of life's greatest pleasures. But with that ownership comes responsibility too and depending on her degree of anxiety may not be an ideal situation for your mum, living alone, at her age, in London, with an adopted dog. I'm on a few 'doggy' FB pages and the amount of dognapping & attacks that happen is staggering. The image of the elderly lady (not that 73 is elderly) with the sweet tempered dog by her knees is just that - an image. Popping into a shop you cannot leave a dog tied up outside - there is a good chance it would be stolen, so that option of a pop to the shops and the dog can come is removed. Interacting with people that are aggressive due to some perceived slight her dog has caused - she is 73, how will she cope with that? The anti-dog voice are much louder now. I really don't mean to sound negative - I absolutely adore dogs and in 99% of cases I would recommend dog ownership, but from your initial post, I would think very, very carefully before permanently adopting.

What do you think of the option of her 'fostering' a dog until she knows that she can definitely cope with the permanent care of one? Lots of rescues need foster homes for dogs that don't cope in the rescue centre itself. The back up is superb and if she copes well and non of those scenarios I have given occur, then she can adopt it permanently.

Alternatively, move her down here to the coast and she can join all us lovely ladies here who walk their dogs without let or hinderance

[FLOrenze]

My dog has been amazing for my mental health. I did not want to go outside and became very isolated. Having her to care for and love is the best thing in the world. Older dogs, where the owner has become unable to look after them generally will settle in quicker than other rescues.

[79andnotout]

Like this:


Having a dog has made my life at least 25% happier and if I was mildly depressed and lonely I would definitely want a dog to walk and talk to.

[79andnotout]

Not all dogs needs walking twice a day. One of my greyhounds needs four walks a day, the other one refuses to walk at all in winter and just goes to the toilet in the garden and sits on the sofa the rest of the time.

[HepburnKNotA]

Notwiththeseknees: the cost of a dog isn’t an issue for her.

She’s physically fit, walks each day by herself.

Most important of all, she hates (is terrified of) cats!! No chance at all she would get a cat.

She adores dogs; I can’t see the clear downsides to her adopting one? Yes she has ‘MH’ issues but they’re almost entirely caused by her feeling alone/lonely.

Not saying a dog would cure the problem but wouldn’t it help???

[FLOrenze]

We got out dog from Rescue Remedies at Gatwick. She is our first dog and we are in our 70s . I would suggest that she registers her interest at Battersea dogs home and looks at older dogs. Ours was 8 when we got her and still very energetic. So I suggest she looks at 10 years and upwards.

[Notwiththeseknees]

Sorry? She's 73 with MH issues and you think that caring 27/7 for a dog would help with that? Walks twice a day, dealing daily with people in London with their dogs- some of whom are aggressive & rude, dog food, insurance and vets bills........ I totally disagree, you should get her a cat.

[Whoops75]

Agree a Lurcher or greyhound would be perfect.

[bunnygeek]

There's also Dogs Trust in West London
www.dogstrust.org.uk/our-centres/harefield/

There's always loads of older dogs in rescue, an older Staffie, older Greyhound or there are tons of Shih Tzu types that end up in rescue as well which won't mind just a little potter about.

Do visit the actual rescues if you can, don't rely just on what's on the website. Especially with child-friendly dogs, they are often reserved and rehomed very quickly so don't ever hit the website!

[Floralnomad]

You could also look at the Cinammon trust as they sometimes have dogs that need permanent foster homes due to their own elderly owner going into care or passing away .

[Flippetydip]

I would definitely look at a greyhound. I have one and they tend to gravitate towards each other when out walking so I see a fair few hounds and their owners out and about. There are a good number that walk with elderly people. They are brilliant as they are generally very good on lead and require very limited exercise, contrary to popular believe. They are very docile around the house and incredibly lazy.

Definitely look for a greyhound specific rescue; there are loads about. The Greyhound Trust is a good place to start. Where abouts are you in the country?