Buying a puppy in a time of immense grief.

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

Me and DH have wanted a dog for years, but have put it off. Not the right time etc. etc. We have just had another failed round of IVF and are in a period of 'grief' I said in passing during the cycle, well if this doesn't work we are getting a puppy!
I've started to meet breeders and I am head over heels in love with one ..... is this the right time, or is there never a 'right' time ! Help

Have you thought about possibly taking a period of time off work, like several months, just to come to terms with being you, and embracing a different life , to come to terms with not being pregnant, rather than just going back to your previous life (FT work, no pregnancy, no maternity leave) And during that time, enjoy life with the puppy, get him settled, possibly start getting him used to day care for some days (I'm a elderly SAHM but my puppy still goes to daycare one day a week, just because he likes it there and I need that time off )

Sounds like part of what you are craving is a change of pace. Puppies are full on, like babies, but it is so different from work out of the home.

Disclaimer: I suffered from infertility for several years before having my three (through IVF) and at some points I should have given myself more time to just "BE". I think it would have helped conception, don't flame me for saying that. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do everything right, and to a timetable, but nature doesn't oblige. And it makes us miserable.

You are worth a puppy, and the time to enjoy a puppy, and a break.

Set against the cost of IVF and the cost of parenthood the money becomes less important.

“Does everyone who owns a dog not work then?”

It’s not working per se that’s the issue, it’s how often and for how long the dog would be left alone. On your DH’s WoH days or if he moved roles, for example.

I think it totally depends on the situation.

We got a puppy in 2014 after both my parents died within 5 months of each other and we lost a baby, I thought it would make us happy and be a distraction, however it made a very stressful situation ten times worse especially as we already had two young kids.

I had no idea how hard it would be or the ‘puppy blues’ and embarrassed to say we had to send him back after a week as I had crippling panic attacks.

Having said that your situation is different, but it’s Definitely worth considering how much hard work it is if you are already emotionally fragile. (Which I was!)

We now have a 7 month old puppy and at a totally
Different stage in our life and although it’s been hard it’s definitely the right time now ❤️

If you can properly care for a puppy and afford medical costs, I think you should get one immediately. Puppies can be hard work, but if you are dedicated you will get through it brilliantly. I am a very experienced dog owner, and all of my dogs were brought into the family as puppies. It's full-on for a while, but if you know what you're doing it's very manageable. Crate training is a must!

We are giving the puppy the green light. Just working out when she comes home!

That is wonderful news.

Prepare meals for freezer, clear any clutter right now, puppy proof house. Your life will be turned upside down for a short time, although there will also be lots of lovely snuggly times...I spent the first month it feels like sitting in the garden, waiting for the puppy to pee, or sitting next to the crate watching puppy sleep...(although puppy was 12 weeks when it came home)

buy dog beds which aren't too small, and dog beds for two rooms (you will find yourself moving it from room to room otherwise) travel crates, and crates to settle in..go to park and lurk around for other people with young dogs, to find your people..(your puppy will be playing with these dogs when you go out for walks later on)

Puppy (poodle terrier cross) is six months, and has been a absolute handful, but I sat next to him this morning as he was chewing a patent leather shoe and showing me his tummy and just ..well it was bliss..

it is also worth asking around about doggy daycare, to find the right person if you need to get him/her used to another loving person when you are not in the house or something comes up, later on (say at 16 weeks old - he will absolutely adore the other dogs at that stage)

These were all things I did not consider before getting a puppy. But you learn fast.

Get a nice big crate too. I bought a crate which showed a labrador on the front, and it is too small for a terrier already!!!
Stairgates for the stairs.

Also puppies aren't human, and they do have entirely different habits from humans...as in biting, and nipping from early age. This will take you by surprise as this adorable snuggly creature is actually a landshark. It is worth trying to think this through...doggy habits doggy behaviour, doggy approaches to life.