My dog isn't adjusting to our baby

[CH1994]

Needing some advice in regards to my 2 year old dog, he has always been a very clingy needy dog that would follow you everywhere but since having our daughter 4 months ago his behaviour has got so much worse and when he is not the centre of attention he whines and looks at you with the most depressed face or pushes and nudges at you for attention.

For weeks now I have said he will adjust in time but if anything he has actually got worse, it has got to the point I have to keep him in a separate room most of the time albeit he will whine all day there to, when I am interacting with my daughter he whines or comes and licks me looking for attention and tries to push himself in the middle and he now does it with my partner and I even when we talk if he's not up on our laps he will whine under his breath. I have tried involving him with the baby and tried to let him sit with me when I give her a bottle etc but he just nudges and tries to climb over the top of her. He is so jealous and constantly wants attention! You could sit and stroke/play with him/walk him for an hour and he will still whine when because the attentions not on him, he literally wants attention on him 24/7 no exaggeration. A few weeks ago now he was sniffing the baby while she was on her mat (closely supervised) and I thought oh good we are making progress but then he turned around and tried to sit on her!! The problem I'm finding with him is he thinks he should be number 1 and if you give him an inch he takes a mile and I never want him to think he's above the baby cause that will certainly never be the case!!

I am at my whits in as you can imagine being stuck at home on maternity with a 4 month old and a dog that is constantly looking for attention and whines wherever you put him or aren't giving him complete and utter love is rather draining! I personally would look at rehoming him as I don't feel he is adjusting well nor is happy and I don't want that for him, but I don't want family etc getting on at me as a dog is for life which I understand completely but he just seems so miserable and is often put into another room/garden as he just can't behave when the baby is about! And as awful as it sounds he is no longer a joy to have around but just a total burden and a hassle, although I have suffered mildly with postnatal depression so I'm unsure if this is why I feel this way about him at the moment.

Any advice on this would be so much appreciated as I feel I have tried everything from ignoring him when he whines to telling him of to letting him be involved with the baby but nothing seems to work! 😩 Thanks in advance!

We got a baby gate. So even though he's in another room he can see us. I would have little patience with a whingy dog if I had a newborn. I've a year old and if our dog became like this he'd be turning into an outdoor dog fairly lively.

Can you have a one off session with a behaviourist, for some practical tips about understanding and managing the dog's behaviour?
Can you outsource something like walking a couple of times a week (paid walker, teenager, family member, whatever)?
I understand the stresses and demands of child plus dog....it can be challenging and frustrating. Making sure dog is understood, well managed and entertained really helps, I find. E.g. if I run with my dog first thing, she's less likely to chew something/jump on my kid later, out of boredom/frustration. I'm NOT saying its easy btw.... or that the dog 'comes first'. But I think understanding and entertaining the dog could calm things down. Buy yourself some quiet time by giving it a kong or bone in another room. They need stimulation to be able to fit in to a normal home situation

@missbattenburg he is a mix of JRT, Cairn terrier and poodle apparently all these dogs suffered terribly with separation anxiety, or so I've been told. Thanks for your advice

Poor dog. I really believe that when you take on a dog, you are taking on ‘warts and all’, and you owe it to the dog to do the very best that you can do for it.
It’s not ‘just’ a dog ffs. It is a living being with needs, and if you choose to take one into your home, you are duty bound to fulfill those needs, however hard that may be.
And I am not saying that from some lofty high ground of having perfect dogs. Far from it. I have one ‘perfect’ one, one who is a monumental pain in the arse at the moment, and four kids.
You chose to have him, so you do the right thing by him.

Pebblespony Because the thing to do with a dog that is feeling insecure about a new member of the family is to make him live outside, thus reinforcing his idea that he is being replaced
God help your dog.

icouldwriteabook what depressing nonsense you are writing here. You should have let your dog go to that new home because you do not seem to understand the first thing about dog behaviour.

What a grim thread this is. I get really upset when I think of dogs up and down the country owned by people who cannot be bothered to understand their behaviour. Why have the poor animal in the first place?

OP at least listen to the voices of reason on here and try to do the right thing by your dog. Anyone spouting dominance theory is a fool.

OP I would be giving all feeds in kongs or scatter feeding, use lick mate etc. That should give you about 45 mins peace for each meal.

After an hours walk a day encourage rest in dogs own bed again should give you another hour or two of peace and quiet.

Can you give the dog a bit of brain work etc just 20 mins when baby is asleep will again tire the dog out.

Invest in pizzels, antlers etc for your dog to chew in a room away from you when you need time .

Interesting who the OP acknowledges and thanks on here...

Miss battenburg has it spot on I think!

I think the thing is not to get so frustrated by his behaviour that you find yourself pushing him away (emotionally) more and more. Instead perhaps you could turn his need for your attention from you into a positive thing - maybe take up agility or something that's mentally and physically tiring for him? It would be a lovely activity for your daughter to continue with him when she's old enough too. If you're not up to running around just yet there are quieter indoor games that will stimulate him. A frozen kong, Nina Ottoson interactive toys (go straight for the 'hard' level ones) for him to have his kibble from, playing 'Find it' where you shut him out of the room, hide a toy and let him in and tell him to find his xxx with lots of excited raise and play when he does. If he's heavily into balls and you have a garden maybe one of those ball launchers would keep him occupied? Regular grooming will give him one on one attention and show him how much you love him too. Don't let him have access to all his toys at once but 'cycle' them to keep them fresh and interesting so he focuses on them longer when you want him distracted.

If you don't already have a crate, I would introduce one. NOT as a punishment for when you're sick of him, but as a positive place for him to be rewarded with treat dispensing toys while you have some individual time with the baby. Keep it up too even as your child grows, as a place he can retreat.

I would look at getting a raised playpen, lined with a baby gym, for your baby to be in while you're focusing on the dog. That way she can't get trampled or be sat on because both she and the dog are on the floor.

The poodle in him probably means he's fairly bright, so train train train! Not just the basics of sit/lie down/come but roll over, bow, high 5, picking up a toy and dropping it in a bucket, spin, weave, all that sort of thing! Use tiny pieces of high value reward (mini slithers of cold meat like chicken, or teeny bits of cheese tend to work well) to encourage him to learn.

Please don't resort to shutting him out of the room. At best he'll feel miserable and excluded but at worst he could become aggressive through his exacerbated jealousy and things will be 100x worse. I know it's a challenge having a baby and a demanding dog, but to put things in perspective just imagine you had the baby and a demanding toddler!!! That's not unheard of, but people manage it, so I'm sure you'll get there in the end.

icouldwriteabook what depressing nonsense you are writing here. You should have let your dog go to that new home because you do not seem to understand the first thing about dog behaviour.

^^ So true.

starcrossedseahorse- thankyou for your unwanted opinion. I'd write a reply stating how interested I am in your opinion etc, however my dog is currently sat across my chest lay on the bed and continuously licking me waiting to go on his walk. So in 10 minutes ill be taking him on his favourite 2 hour walk to see his horse friends with the german shepherd next door who he loves.

he'll then be coming home to his bed and his toys where he will be played with and have full run of the house (as we appreciate he doesn't get tired until about 15 minutes later ). he'll then be having his home cooked tea of chicken breast and rice because this is whats best for him and his needs, after me finding a private specialized dietician for my dog as he was unwell after eating dog food and I was extremely worried about him. (but I am cruel of course)

And yes, (prepare yourselves) yes he will be placed outside whilst he does his business, plays with his outdoor toys and sniffs all the smells he likes. for 20 minutes whilst I prepare tea. and yes he will be fine and he will survive believe it or not.

Yes, he will be placed in another room whilst we eat our tea so he doesn't jump up at the baby or demand attention from both kids which means mealtimes take 1 hour longer and we all eat the food cold.. because he is a dog. He accepts this is the case every dinner time and will play with his toys until we are finished.

he is not abused, neglected or sad. He is trained. he is loved and he is ours. therefore our rules. I am not cruel nor horrible nor incapable of owning a dog. I am simply an owner who isn't willing to allow a dog to take over their life when my baby and my family's needs comes first.

if you want to allow your dog to do what he likes, bark when he likes, whine when he likes, or in fact ignore your family to give the dog all of the attention all of the time then that's also fine, that's your choice.

Thankyou to all the psychological advice from the super clever canine student, I don't need to do a degree in managing canine behaviour to see what decent research can tell me.
what a big help to this OP you are. what great advice you have all given, aside from of course the lovely judgmental comments about how neither of us should own a dog as we aren't putting their needs above our tiny baby's. what lovely people you all are. if only you were as nice to humans as you apparently are to dogs.

if you feel sad for my dog, ill let him know. he may just lick me and give me a cuddle but ill be sure to let him know. as of course he is so depressed living with me.

as for the OP only replying to certain posts, are you seriously questioning why people offering advice vs people writing abuse and judemental unhelpful comments when shes already suffering and feels guilty as it is... oh I wonder

please concentrate on your own lives and do something productive with your day instead of being a troll. what great role models you are to your children

he is a mix of JRT, Cairn terrier and poodle apparently all these dogs suffered terribly with separation anxiety, or so I've been told. Thanks for your advice

@CH1994 - the mix of breeds is interesting. This will obviously depend on which 'bits' of each breed have landed up in your dog but I know from our JRTs that I could walk them (the bitch in particular) for 2 hours over an open field and she will be a bit tired OR I can walk her for 30 mins in undergrowth, such as a woodland - the chance to 'go to ground' under all the brambles etc is much more satisfying for her and leaves her much more tired out. I suspect the cairn would appreciate this also.

That's why I find breed traits so interesting - all dogs are individuals but understanding what your dog's breed(s) were bred to do can give you some shortcut ideas to what they need or why they might have tendencies to behave the way they do. You might find a different type of walk would be better for yours?

I have to be honest, icouldwriteabook, I am genuinly struggling to see why you are so against the advice here. Your last post suggests you have a happy, well adjusted dog who is fine with the times he is seperated from his family because of all the things you do with him to meet his needs: long walks with friends, fuss, play etc.

Isn't that exactly what I - and some others here - have suggested might help the OP? A dog who didn't have those things and was just left alone is likely to struggle. Something you seem to recognise yourself because you put so much effort into taking care of your own.

I also take umbrage with being told I haven't tried to help the OP (what a big help to this OP you are). I was one of the first people to respond with specific suggestions on things that might help her, including acknowledgement that having a newborn must make dealing with the dog very hard and a caveat to apologise if anything I said sounded overly harsh, because I really didn't mean it to.

icouldwriteabook

I do not recall saying that you were cruel and from your second post you seem to be a good dog owner. It is very different from your first I think you will agree.

I found the only way we did this was through being beyond strict with him. literally military. he needed to understand he is a pet (whilst yes still part of the family) but everyone else's (humans) needs come before his. bottom of the pecking order. he was completely ignored if he cried or whined and if he continued to he would be put outside. all this stuff about 'that makes them feel more pushed out' - not helpful or practical. why would anybody want to give attention to a dog over their baby, you don't get 5 minutes spare to tend to the bloody dog!

The pecking order nonsense is very unhelpful and the putting your dog outside when he whines is also not helpful. I am also not aware that cockapoos are known to be 'crazy' but I own spaniels so I would now know about poodles.

missbattenburg has given the OP super advice and I hope that she follows it.

I know I am a bit late to this thread but look into Karen Overall’s relaxation protocol. Our cocker spaniel used to absolutely hate being ignored/not being the centre of attention but we are slowly working our way through the levels of the relaxation protocol and rewarding him for calm, relaxed behaviour on a mat/bed and the chance to relax and switch off really seems to be helping him. I know this is not always easy with a LO but in the long run should give you a calm, relaxed pup who is able to keep himself calm without your input.