Child Genius

[Whizzz]

on now.......this merits a MN thread !

[roisin]

Hi JaneLumley - welcome to mumsnet and thank you for posting. Are you going to stick around and get to know us?

I enjoyed the programme and wish you and Michael every success and happiness in all you do.

[MUM23ASD]

I have read bits of this with interest...and JANELUMLEY if you read this...i for my own reasons identified with everything i saw on that program.

I have 3 boys. All have Aspergers Syndrome- and if shown on TV would have appeared similar to all the children shown.

I would love to talk more about this if anyone is interested! This tv show can still be viewed on VIRGIN MEDIA

[JaneLumley]

Okay, probably much too late for this, but... maybe interesting even so long after the chat, since the programme has been reshown.

I'm one of the mothers from the Channel 4 programme Child Genius; the mother of Michael, the book boy and gourmet, as you guys term him.

I totally understand what most of you wrote because it was based on the programme. But some of it isn't actually true. Impossible to correct without sounding defensive, but cna't be helped. Here goes.

1. He has tons of friends, very close ones. Most kids actually get on well with him. He can modify his word choices with kids, but the programme largely shows him talking to adults.
   
2. No-one in our family believes academic success is the same as an IQ test. Or that acaemeic success is a passport to happiness. I said SEVERAL times during filming that I HATE the words genius and gifted. Oddly, not aired. I hate IQ tests too and find them pretty useless.
   
3. I don't have too many unfulfilled academic ambitions
   
4. I don't think my son and I are abormally close. When I'm with my children, I focus on them, but I also have a full-time job. Our writing began when my daughter was a small child and absorbing most of my attention; I started it with Michael because it meant I spent time exclusively with him. Storytelling/storygames/making up stories are a kind of play for him. I don't think his books are very like Harry Potter except in that they are fantasies.
   
5. I can't see that writing books can really be harmful - he does do most of the writing and storytelling, and really what I do is edit and prune. It's just a bit of fun.
   
6. He and his sister spend ages playing all kinds of games. He also spends a lot of time pointlessly hanging out. As he should.
   
7. Verbal gifts are harder for others to live with than maths or music gifts because they seep into everything you say and do. I'd be keen to know what people who find him irritating think I should DO about it - punish him if he uses big words? Train him to use small ones instead?
   
8. THE FAMOUS PIGEON! The pigeon was a bit rare because the filmmaking was rushed. If I'd cooked it myself I'd have put it back for five minutes, but I wanted to support my son, who had made it - have your kids ever made you breakfast, and was it all perfect when they did? And did you eat it anyway? Same deal. But it wasn't raw, and if it had been I'd have insisted. And my daughter shunned it because she was tired and cross and sick of doing the same things over and over for the camera, not because she doesn't like pigeon. Reality tv isn't always real. The way things are edited makes an interpretation that may actually be a big fat lie. As here.
   
9. We did the programme for two reasons - he wanted to say something about what it's like to be a bright kid, which didn't get aired, and I wanted to say something about the idiocies of acceleration, about half of which got aired. I've been on tv before, several times, and hate it. Michael had been on tv before too. Neither of us wanted to be famous or some such. It was a kind of attempt to Do Good. They came after us, by the way. Not vice versa.
   
10. Someone asked how all the kids got on when they met. Michael and Dante have become good friends. At the photo shoot Michael had a brilliant time telling stories with the other kids, and Peter beat everyone at Top Trumps by memorising the cards. For Michael it's had a good result in that he's made a new friend. He has also struck up a friendship with Peter - as I said, he's very outgoing. But that's less doable because they live much further from us.
    Another good result is that my children now distrust tv much more!
    
    My bet after doing this is that nobody is normal. Everyone is odd, and all families are wacky if closely examined. Ours not least.
    
    However cranky I sound, I did find what you all said interesting and very thought-provoking. Thank you for the chance to respond.

[AitchTwoOh]

would the children definitely know about what happened now? was it in the press about the fact that she left? poor kids... poor all of you...

it's a terrible situation, but i know that there are a few women here whose mothers have 'disowned' them, perhaps you should make a new post asking for support . i'm sure you'd get it in bundles. (obvioulsy you wouldn't need to say about the tv programme if you didn't want to). likewise tamum's other suggestion about the antenatal threads.

i hope that if you get some support you'll be able to change your name, cos knowing what i've seen about your mum on the telly your name is making me really sad for you...

[Tamum]

Morning, notsostupid. I think you're right, being on the program is going to be potentially very damaging to the children in the new family, especially when they find out the background. It must have been very, very hard to watch, and awful about your poor brother too. I just don't know what to say about your mother, other than she must have serious psychological problems of her own. Have you looked round the rest of mumsnet? I have a feeling not many people are noticing this thread, but there are lots of people here who could give you support, or just nice chats- there are ante-natal groups for pregnant women, too, if that would be of interest.

[notsostupid]

Hey guys thanks for the kind words.
I am a fair person I believe there are two sides to every story and I am sure my mum and Peter would have a interesting tale to tell the world but they have stayed rather quiet over this.
They fell in love and I guess wanted a new life together and they decided to cut ALL ties with there previous lives including their children.
In 2004 my aunt finally heard from my mother and my mother was informed she was a grandma and it has not bothered or intersted her in the slightest.
I really cant make no sense from this situation but I feel very sorry for my big brother who was a rubella baby and his mother has not seen him or contacted him for 15 years either....he is disabled but he still has a memory and a heart.
I can understand they are proud of there children being so brainy but I think that what they did by going on TV has upset too many people. If the children are geniuses then no amount of TV exposure will change the outcome for their future.
I dread to think what the shock of this whole situation has done to the kids..to find out mum and dad have lied to you for all your life is enough to disturb any child..even a genius one!

[NotanOtter]

NSSS - you poor thing i really feel for you

it must be hard for you watching and reading all about your mother and her new family
I do hope you are doing well and having a full life with your own darling children.
At least you have learned that one lesson from your own mother that you wilL NEVER leave you babies
I do know the pain of being abandoned by your mother as i was in my early teens and dp too.
It has hurt me and i am sure blighted my life in many ways but has ultimately made me stronger and more determined to be a good mother FOREVER to my babies.
Sorry to ramble. I do feel your pain. How pg are you?

[AitchTwoOh]

what would happen if you contacted her? would she not be excited about being a grandmother?
i'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. also about your name.

[Tamum]

notsostupid, that's incredibly sad, I'm so sorry. Your name is making me want to cry, too

[notsostupid]

Its still early days with the hurt and it sure does not help that I am pregnant and very emotional at the moment!
My mother has hurt me beyond comprehension but I am sure that time will help to ease the pain.
To be honest I find the whole situation very surreal. I keep thinking I will wake up and realise it was a bad dream!
But no matter what my mum did to me I have no anger towards the children.I just feel sad that they never knew we existed and that they have a lovely extended family. Also the children are Aunties and Uncles and they never even knew that....now I think mum and Peter will have a lot of questions to answer to the children about there secret past lives that they have tried so hard for 15 years to hide.
I wont see Elizabeth ever again she is not the mum I remember having. The woman on the television looked like her but in reality its not my mam. My mam as I knew her died the day she met Peter ( her current husband).
She broke my heart but my children are helping to fix it.
I miss her.

[goingfor3]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope things are going well for you.

[Tamum]

Really? I'm so sorry, that must be incredibly hard to deal with.

[AitchTwoOh]

oh dear. hope that the programme wasn't too painful for you.

[notsostupid]

Yes I guess I am.

[Tamum]

I was wondering the same thing, actually.

[goingfor3]

notsostupid - are you one of the children they left behind?

[RTKangaMummy]

notsostupid

THEIR please

Thank you

[notsostupid]

The Grafton-Clarke children all seem like great kids.I do so hope that they grow up to be successful but more importantly happy.
They have two parents and a stable family enviroment which a lot of kids these days dont have, including the 7 children that Mr and Mrs Grafton-Clarke left behind.
As a mum myself I cant understand why two parents could simply walk away from there own children. Apparantly one of the children abandoned was only 6 years old!
It does seem very strange that they would appear on National TV after leaving all there kids behind...surely they would have thought how much that would hurt the kids they have not seen for 15 years??? Seems they did not care..maybe Channel 4 have paid them a lot of money for doing the show?
I guess that sums them up they obviously have some deep rooted issues and Mrs Grafton-Clarke is trying to live her own lost academic dreams through her present children. After all if The Sun paper is correct she must have started having kids very young!
God Bless those children, they are beautiful. Desiree is my image, and Gabriella you look just like Alex but with long hair. We will always miss you.

[KTeePee]

Roisin, I fully agree with your last post. I have seen so many "gifted" people leading unhappy lives, either directly or indirectly because of their "gifts". Or others who have deliberately rejected using their gifts to their full potential in order to have a happier life.

The greatest thing we can do for our children (imo) is to help them as much as possible to grow up to lead happy lives.

[jalopy]

A huge dose of humility might make some of these kids more endearing.

[hatwoman]

I really liked chess boy too - he was lovely - he seemed to be genuinely happy and very normal - one of the few who seemed actually excited by his talents. and I don't think he was pushed in teh same way as the others

[Hallgerda]

Interesting quote, frogs, but is it possible that at least some of the parents who sought a label for their children were driven to it by their children's difficult behaviour?

[nikkie]

I really liked the 'chess boy' but the IQ woman made a point when she said about his adult company and how he excelled in the adult type puzzles.

[hatwoman]

roisin - I wrote then deleted a post earlier (it turned into a bit of a rant...) - I'm not sure I agree with one aspect of what you say - I thought the idea of a contribution to society was very absent from the agenda of many of those kids and parents. It seemed to be very focused on the kid and their needs and them achieving their potential. I actually thought (although I didn;t see it all) a lot of it was strikingly selfish.

[RosaLuxembourg]

I'm relatively new on here. Who or what is Lavender?