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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Work Experience disaster

81 replies

JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:07

DS 15 had work experience this week and absolutely hates it. So gutted, it seemed the perfect job for him but he just wants to come home. Know he is out of his comfort zone as doesn't know anyone but this will happen when he's older and starts working. Can't give more details as outing. Think employers will not be giving good feedback to school, just feel so sad for him.

OP posts:
SoLongFarewellBye · 20/03/2024 10:11

Honestly, whilst it seems terrible now, perhaps this is a good thing. It means he now knows he’s not interested in that work place, and can find something else. Also keep in mind he’s only 15 and used to the school enviroment, it’ll take time to adjust to a working one where he would then get to know people. Being out of comfort zone isn’t a bad thing, that’s how people grow

polkadot24 · 20/03/2024 10:13

What have you said to him? Has he come home?

Part of being an adult is sticking it out at things you don't want to do so even though it's tough, he should put in his best effort to show willing and resilience.

Sk8erboi · 20/03/2024 10:15

Why would the employer give negative feedback? Despite being out of his comfort zone I would assume he is still remaining professional and carrying out his tasks to the best of his ability.

If the job isn't for him in the long run that's fine but he needs to work well for the remaining time he has there.
And just because this work place isn't for him, a job in the same field somewhere else isn't written off completely. All workplaces have different atmospheres.

NCForQuestions · 20/03/2024 10:18

By negative feedback, do you mean he behaved badly?

Rude, insolent, refusal to participate, inability to stay quiet, inappropriate behaviour or speech?

Or did he not enjoy it at all, they didn't try to engage him and so he got bored and sat in a corner on his phone?

Huge difference between the possibilities.

He doesn't have to stay there if he hates it. It's optional!

Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:18

SoLongFarewellBye · 20/03/2024 10:11

Honestly, whilst it seems terrible now, perhaps this is a good thing. It means he now knows he’s not interested in that work place, and can find something else. Also keep in mind he’s only 15 and used to the school enviroment, it’ll take time to adjust to a working one where he would then get to know people. Being out of comfort zone isn’t a bad thing, that’s how people grow

Yes he definitely won't be looking to work in this type of work in the future, so maybe it is better he knows now 👍🏻 he is definitely struggling with not being in his routine, has always found change harder than most.

OP posts:
Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:22

polkadot24 · 20/03/2024 10:13

What have you said to him? Has he come home?

Part of being an adult is sticking it out at things you don't want to do so even though it's tough, he should put in his best effort to show willing and resilience.

He did actually come home - I had a message from employer asking if he was ok...made an excuse for him but now trying to get him to give it a go, treat it as an experience, one day you'll laugh at this, everyone else has to do it etc etc but feel for him too - life is tough and worried how he will survive in adult world which is just around the corner

OP posts:
Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:24

Sk8erboi · 20/03/2024 10:15

Why would the employer give negative feedback? Despite being out of his comfort zone I would assume he is still remaining professional and carrying out his tasks to the best of his ability.

If the job isn't for him in the long run that's fine but he needs to work well for the remaining time he has there.
And just because this work place isn't for him, a job in the same field somewhere else isn't written off completely. All workplaces have different atmospheres.

Edited

Negative feedback as he came home 🙁
True what you say though, everywhere is different and maybe this has helped as he now knows he definitely doesn't want this!!

OP posts:
Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:28

NCForQuestions · 20/03/2024 10:18

By negative feedback, do you mean he behaved badly?

Rude, insolent, refusal to participate, inability to stay quiet, inappropriate behaviour or speech?

Or did he not enjoy it at all, they didn't try to engage him and so he got bored and sat in a corner on his phone?

Huge difference between the possibilities.

He doesn't have to stay there if he hates it. It's optional!

He didn't behave badly but the coming home bit probably didn't go down well, I think he was a bit overwhelmed and wasn't really sure what he was doing, am hoping he's ok there today (no texts so far !) Actually, on his first day, he was told he had done really well but he is hiding the fact he is freaking out!

OP posts:
Catsfrontbum · 20/03/2024 10:29

Is he ND? And does the employer know this?

Couchpotato3 · 20/03/2024 10:31

So he's had a negative experience this time and learned that this type of work isn't for him. It's still useful information for future planning. He's very young and will have plenty more opportunities ahead of him. Try to stay focused on the positives (stop describing it as a disaster for a start). Maybe try again with something else in a few months. Perhaps he could just do a day somewhere next time to build up his confidence. A shorter placement would be less overwhelming for him.
FWIW my eldest did work experience in three or four different sectors and hated all of them. It saved him from making some costly mistakes later down the line and he ended up in a job that he loves.

Try to step away from feeling sorry for him and see this for the learning experience it is. Chalk it up to experience and encourage him to put this one behind him and move on to the next thing.

CormorantStrikesBack · 20/03/2024 10:32

I think work experience is an awkward experience and worse than actually working. Nobody knows what to do with the work experience kid and they get under peoples feet. There’s often no real plan, no work for them to do, nobody is going to spend time training them up in anything. Your son will have picked up on this.

with an actual job there’s stuff to do, you get shown what to do and normally there are clear expectations. Even with a dull job it’s better when you know what needs doing and can get on with it.

Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:36

CormorantStrikesBack · 20/03/2024 10:32

I think work experience is an awkward experience and worse than actually working. Nobody knows what to do with the work experience kid and they get under peoples feet. There’s often no real plan, no work for them to do, nobody is going to spend time training them up in anything. Your son will have picked up on this.

with an actual job there’s stuff to do, you get shown what to do and normally there are clear expectations. Even with a dull job it’s better when you know what needs doing and can get on with it.

I think you have hit the nail on the head, no one seemed to know what to do with him! Eventually he was given something to do and then told he did a good job but he still wanted to leave

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SandyIrving · 20/03/2024 10:37

I think bailing from work placements quite common. In my DHs work (construction) one recently managed half a day, borrowed a tenner from the boss for lunch (he thought lunch was provided) and never returned. My own DD hated hers (finance) but did stick it out for the week.

Agree useful to help rule out careers.

I wouldn't worry too much other than encouraging him to investigate jobs fully and giving things a reasonable go. My DCs school were supportive in that they asked students to call them first if they wanted to quit which often helped.

Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:38

Catsfrontbum · 20/03/2024 10:29

Is he ND? And does the employer know this?

I asked for him to assessed twice in the past for autism, but was told he didn't tick enough boxes! It's possible he is ND who has slipped through the net

OP posts:
Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:39

Couchpotato3 · 20/03/2024 10:31

So he's had a negative experience this time and learned that this type of work isn't for him. It's still useful information for future planning. He's very young and will have plenty more opportunities ahead of him. Try to stay focused on the positives (stop describing it as a disaster for a start). Maybe try again with something else in a few months. Perhaps he could just do a day somewhere next time to build up his confidence. A shorter placement would be less overwhelming for him.
FWIW my eldest did work experience in three or four different sectors and hated all of them. It saved him from making some costly mistakes later down the line and he ended up in a job that he loves.

Try to step away from feeling sorry for him and see this for the learning experience it is. Chalk it up to experience and encourage him to put this one behind him and move on to the next thing.

Thank you x

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 20/03/2024 10:41

He needs to keep going in and putting up with it.

Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:41

SandyIrving · 20/03/2024 10:37

I think bailing from work placements quite common. In my DHs work (construction) one recently managed half a day, borrowed a tenner from the boss for lunch (he thought lunch was provided) and never returned. My own DD hated hers (finance) but did stick it out for the week.

Agree useful to help rule out careers.

I wouldn't worry too much other than encouraging him to investigate jobs fully and giving things a reasonable go. My DCs school were supportive in that they asked students to call them first if they wanted to quit which often helped.

Thank you, actually made made me.feel better! I'm probably overthinking this and being too pessimistic...

OP posts:
Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:42

Thanks to all for your helpful, honest comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
JackieO22 · 20/03/2024 10:43

Dacadactyl · 20/03/2024 10:41

He needs to keep going in and putting up with it.

Have told him this, and just one week, all done, learnt something new even if it not was expected!

OP posts:
CharSiu · 20/03/2024 10:47

DS did work experience, it was actually a really good placement with actual work to do with a large engineering firm. They were so impressed they wanted to sponsor him on a degree apprenticeship. He realised engineering just wasn’t for him. Unless people are in danger with unsafe working practices or being harassed they just need to just finish it.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/03/2024 10:48

He’s 15, don’t worry about it. Try and help him unpick what aspects he didn’t enjoy and why he came home and then move on.

Whattodowithit88 · 20/03/2024 10:52

Instead of this now being work experience it’s life experience. Acknowledge to him that yes this is shit, but some work places are, continue through it to learn about resilience and that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to or are comfortable with, but screw the bad feedback, tell him not to worry about it. It will be over soon and he will have gained knowledge from this. It will help him discover the type of work environment he doesn’t want to be in, as every place is different, even if it’s the same sector.

alloalloallo · 20/03/2024 10:53

I think work experience is an awkward experience and worse than actually working. Nobody knows what to do with the work experience kid and they get under peoples feet. There’s often no real plan, no work for them to do, nobody is going to spend time training them up in anything. Your son will have picked up on this.

Yes, I agree.

When we have work experience kids here at work, I always make sure there’s a plan in place for them, ensure that they get to do a bit of everything and schedule them in for certain jobs in each department and make expectations clear in advance - they need to bring lunch, they need to wear appropriate clothing, etc, etc. I want them to leave us with a good understanding of the job and feel like they’ve been treated fairly. We have actually gone on to take a couple of them on as apprentices once they’d done their GCSEs

When my DD did hers (at a local vets for veterinary nursing) she basically spent the week cleaning random stuff and tidying their garden area. Didn’t go near an animal the whole time. 2 days in and she was bored silly. She stuck the week out but was totally put off.

shoppingshamed · 20/03/2024 10:57

Is this a residential placement? That's a lot for a 15 year old, I'm not surprised he's want to come home

Who decided that would be a good idea?

SheerLucks · 20/03/2024 10:57

CormorantStrikesBack · 20/03/2024 10:32

I think work experience is an awkward experience and worse than actually working. Nobody knows what to do with the work experience kid and they get under peoples feet. There’s often no real plan, no work for them to do, nobody is going to spend time training them up in anything. Your son will have picked up on this.

with an actual job there’s stuff to do, you get shown what to do and normally there are clear expectations. Even with a dull job it’s better when you know what needs doing and can get on with it.

This.

A relative, who'd recently finished her medical studies, almost had a breakdown working in the A&E department because of this.

To plan for major accidents they always employ many more staff than they need, and she spent months with hardly anything to do.