Son cannot see the point of anything.

[mothermayai]

My son dropped out of school last January and is nearly 19. He has no interest in studying, working or anything. He works out and eats as wants to bulk. Has friends and shows some interest in going out when he can afford to. He has uni offers as is enrolled on an online Access course in Sports Science. He struggles to motivate himself to study and has four months to finish the course if hopes to get to uni next autumn. He's just been chatting to me about how there's no point in anything. And maybe death is better. Says he doesn't see the point in anything. I am at wits end. Last year we hassled him to try and motivate him to study. This year we've just let him be. No improvement. Could he be depressed, despite interest in gym and seeing friends? Could it be something hormonal? Or is it just teenage angst? And we need to just watch and see? So lost. Have never pressured him or anything. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Should we try and get a blood test?

He needs to see the GP to explain how he feels, and he needs some counselling.
You can often self refer to MH services, have a look on your surgery website. Also lots of resources on line too.

He needs to see his GP urgently. He sounds depressed.
He also needs some basic blood tests including vitamin D levels.
Everyone in the UK needs vitamin d supplements during the winter months and the effects of deficiency can be very serious. Read up about SAD and vitamin D deficiency.
Any kind of outdoor activity can be helpful - walking, running for example. But GP first asap.

Tell whoever you speak to at the surgery that he has mentioned suicide. It is so difficult to get an appointment these days. Do not allow them to fob you off.

He does sound depressed.

He has mentioned ideas of suicide. Get him to the GP straight away. Call them on Momday and tell them he has mentioned feeling suicidal. These thoughts are not normal teenage laziness.

In the mean time today can you get him out the house on the pretence of wanting to go on a Mothers Day walk or something. Being outside and with people is good for him even if he doesnt think so.

Is he taking steroids or any other drugs to help him bulk up? Some of these things can cause mood changes.

If he's having thoughts about life not being worth living, I would also be worried about what he's looking at online, there are some horrible sites promoting self harm and suicide, He needs to see a GP and to get help for depression.

He also needs some basic blood tests including vitamin D levels.

Absolutely this. Thyroid, Vitamin B12/Folate, Ferritin, Vitamin D -low levels, even in the lower end of normal, can really affect mood.

Thanks for responding everyone. He isn't taking anything to bulk, he's v anti that. The vitamin D could be something, he says he feels much happier when it's sunny and warm. I'll try again with the GP and hope they listen. As he's an 'adult' now it all has to come from him and he masks his real feelings most of the time from most people. He had counselling this time last year for a few months and that seemed to pull him out of the depths but looking back maybe it was just the weather getting better too?

Despite it not being warm and sunny, the sunlight will still help so the more time he spends outside the better. Good luck it gets tricky when they are technically an adult but also obviously need our help.

This rule about not speaking to relatives is understandable in normal circumstances, but in cases of mental illness it can be a real obstacle to getting help.
What you can do, if he is agreeable, is get him to write a simple statement giving his consent for you to advocate on his behalf and attend appointments with him,. He should sign it and date it and take it to the appointment with him.
If you can't persuade him to contact the surgery himself, if he is willing to write a statement, you can send it to them and ask for an urgent consult.
Failing that, he might be willing to do an econsult.

Thanks @endofthelinefinally that's a good idea, I can try that with him.

It is good he is talking to you so openly. I would be going into the surgery stating what he has said to you and what is the best way to deal with this. There is probably a mental health nurse available. Maybe they could arrange an online appointment?

He has said death is better. He is depressed and having very dark thoughts.
He needs counselling. Has he had a girlfriend? Is he gay? He's deeply unhappy.

Take him away on some sunny winter holidays.

We’ve just been through something similar with DS who is 18. I phoned the local NHS helpline. They were fine speaking to me and sent through a referral to GP for an urgent appointment. I went with him to the GP and waited outside for a bit then GP brought me in after getting DS permission. He had minimised everything so
it was good I was there. GP wanted me at next appointment also as he hadn’t been fully honest. We tried counselling but it didn’t help. He has anti-depressants which seem to be helping and I got Vit D too.

Thanks for sharing that @LadyWentworth, good luck with it. We managed to get a GP appointment, my son went in alone and when he came out he said it was pointless so then we both went in together. He hadn't shared everything but equally GP hadn't heard him. They said it was common for people of his age to be so down, they saw it a lot. Said they didn't want to give him antidepressants as he's so young. Explained we'd tried counselling already but GP just didn't get it. When I asked for a blood test, wasn't keen. Said he has no 'organic' symptoms of anything. Said if his testosterone was low he'd have milk coming from his breasts, then asked him if he had milk coming his breast!GP was awful. My child tried so hard to be honest and get some help. I was furious. Am actually going to complain about the GP, which is most unlike me. He's been worse since, not been to gym since. Very bad week. Again no idea what to do next.

It is possible to get a basic set of blood tests done privately. If you can afford a private consultation with a local nhs psychiatrist who does private practice I would do that.
I am sorry that the gp was so useless.
Get in touch with MIND.
Are there any local support groups for depressed young men?
You need to get really proactive now and start looking for whatever support you can find.

I would speak to the practice manager and say that your son is suicidal and that the gp did not take him seriously and you are extremely worried.

You can get blood tests done privately.

www.medichecks.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIv7-j1tn1hAMVv4tQBh2yKQYeEAAYAiAAEgKKwvD_BwE

GPs can be very reluctant to prescribe anti depressants to teens.

My DS went through similar. The GP was dismissive.

Fortunately my dh had private medical insurance and he was able to get him to see a private psychiatrist who prescribed.

Your son sounds very depressed.

I’m so sorry to hear about the GP being worse than useless. You need to be persistent with getting him good support, it can take trying a few counsellors too to find the right one who can really help. Agree with others who say speak to practice manager, try private if at all possible, look for local counselling recommendations etc. Loads of love to you and your son.

I also would try and a gp appointment. But also I do think it's a harsh reality for them when they are logical and question the point of life. What really is the point? It's getting him through the hump to understanding that it's just life, it is what it is and you can make the best of it and enjoy it when you can and have some goals that make sense to you. Great that he's going to the gym, great he has some friends and I am sure with some support he'll get through to a more positive mind frame. If you think he's actively suicidal though I'd present at a and e.

Who is he doing the sports science course with? Could he access help through student support services instead of the GP? Is his university going to be in person, it doesn't sound like on line is a good fit.

I'd also get him done SAD lights/lightbulbs as it won't do any harm.

Good luck, it sounds so hard for both of you.

A light box might help if he's struggling with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) as well as depression. Worth a try. Sorry to hear the GP was so useless.

If you can't get blood tests, get some good vitamin d supplements from a decent pharmacy or online. Do some reading about vit d deficiency.