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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Leaving teen home alone

47 replies

unbelievablescenes · 08/02/2024 10:27

Hi,

I've a 15 year old (sept birthday) that doesn't want to go abroad. A 13 yo that's desperate to go abroad. Do you think a Sept holiday leaving the (give or take a few days) 16 yo is a ridic idea? I'd never get her to agree to stay with a relative, and you can't really ask someone to watch her for a week. Technically she could move out the following week. She's relatively sensible (other than a rough patch last year) and loves her own company. I actually think having to look after herself for a week could bring her on in many ways. Her gran is a 2 mins drive away in emergencies. What's your thoughts?

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 08/02/2024 10:29

I was left alone at that age, but my parents went away to Wales not abroad. I had moved out completely by 18!

The only issue I forsee is with it being in Sept and not the school holidays, would they get up and out the house and to school/college?

Original poster
unbelievablescenes · 08/02/2024 10:42

I'd go over the long weekend so would only be a few days but yeah, I think she would manage to go. I moved out completely when I was just 17, i was always independent and fairly sensible though 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 10:57

I wouldn’t do it. You’d be in another country if anything went wrong! Why can’t Gran who is 2 mins away stay for the week? Seems like you’re giving your still 15 yr old DD too much say here! She won’t come away yet refuses to stay with a relative?? Who is the adult here??! Why are you letting her call the shots? Perfectly acceptable compromise is she doesn’t have to come but someone has to stay with her at home? 🤷‍♀️

PuttingDownRoots · 08/02/2024 10:58

Stay with Gran or come on holiday.

idontlikealdi · 08/02/2024 10:59

I'd leave her, she'd ruin your holiday if you brought her along. Will she be responsible and get herself to school?

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:05

It’s not just getting herself to school though. It will be the start of a new school year and I’m assuming the start of Year 11 which is a very important year. All seems rather blasé to be honest.

K0OLA1D · 08/02/2024 11:07

Can you trust her not to have a party? Is that still a thing? I would never have dared, though I did have a few mates round.

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:08

And I doubt the school would take too kindly to it if they found out a 15 yr old was home alone while her mum went on holiday. They would probably be duty bound to report to the appropriate authorities.

SecondUsername4me · 08/02/2024 11:10

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 10:57

I wouldn’t do it. You’d be in another country if anything went wrong! Why can’t Gran who is 2 mins away stay for the week? Seems like you’re giving your still 15 yr old DD too much say here! She won’t come away yet refuses to stay with a relative?? Who is the adult here??! Why are you letting her call the shots? Perfectly acceptable compromise is she doesn’t have to come but someone has to stay with her at home? 🤷‍♀️

Gran 2 mins away for emergencies then surely?

SecondUsername4me · 08/02/2024 11:11

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:05

It’s not just getting herself to school though. It will be the start of a new school year and I’m assuming the start of Year 11 which is a very important year. All seems rather blasé to be honest.

It's a long weekend, the OP isn't emigrating. Some of these replies are hilarious Grin

Viewfrommyhouse · 08/02/2024 11:12

I was left alone from 14 in this kind of situation. I had a weekend job and was fairly sensible so it wasn't a big issue. We lived in a tiny village with friendly neighbours, so not much to worry about. I also very much enjoy my own company.

SameSameButDeliverance · 08/02/2024 11:14

I would and I was frequently left for the weekend at this age. No dramas occurred.

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:16

@SecondUsername4me its not a long weekend, it’s a week right at the start of a new school year. It’s completely unnecessary!

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:16

IT IS FOR A WEEK NOT JUST FOR THE WEEKEND!

GingerIsBest · 08/02/2024 11:18

I assume she's never been left alone for this long before? My only concern is to go from "never had a night at home alone" to "spend a week at home alone" is quite a jump. is it possible to build up. Take the 13 year old for a long weekend city break rather than full blown week holiday?

RowanMayfair · 08/02/2024 11:18

I would, if she's grown up enough and sensible and happy with it

RowanMayfair · 08/02/2024 11:21

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:08

And I doubt the school would take too kindly to it if they found out a 15 yr old was home alone while her mum went on holiday. They would probably be duty bound to report to the appropriate authorities.

She'll be 16. The school may have 16 year olds living in YMCA hostels potentially. Social services place 16 year olds in hostels sometimes. They won't be doing anything about this unless there is a reason to believe the 16yo is at risk. Being 16 and on your own doesn't automatically mean there is a risk of harm.

tearsandtiaras · 08/02/2024 11:23

Rollergirl11 · 08/02/2024 11:08

And I doubt the school would take too kindly to it if they found out a 15 yr old was home alone while her mum went on holiday. They would probably be duty bound to report to the appropriate authorities.

On the contrary- the school will probably be glad she was not taken out of school in term time at the beginning of year 11 😂😂

Original poster
unbelievablescenes · 08/02/2024 11:26

She's not the kind of person that likes company and I respect that, it would be her idea of hell having her gran here a whole week. She's also not the type to have a party, I have cameras around the perimeter so it wouldn't fly anyway. We'd be a month into the new term here, likelihood is it'll be college not school so a degree more independent learning g required there. There's also good reason for me to prioritise taking the younger one on this particular holiday, it's not just a jolly for the sake of it. Social services wouldn't be the slightest bit interested.

OP posts:
travelallthetime · 08/02/2024 11:27

you know your child. I was left at 16 but I wouldnt leave my 16 year old. They are all different

anyolddinosaur · 08/02/2024 11:31

You may think she's not the type to have a party but if she admits she's home along there will be a lot of peer pressure to arrange one plus a chance to improve her status at school. Then you come back to a trashed house and everyone says "but what were you thinking".

Rosiiee · 08/02/2024 11:36

I’d do it. Hell my parents have done it to me and I used to travel alone internationally by that age too. It’s only a week!

FrenchandSaunders · 08/02/2024 11:40

Depends on the teen. I’d have happily left one of my DDs at that age as she would have just had a couple of mates round, cooked together, studied and chilled.

Her sister, however, would have had a massive house party, emptied the booze cupboard and had a week off school.

Comedycook · 08/02/2024 11:43

No way. I wouldn't present it as a choice. They come on the holiday as they are a child.

Definitelylivedin · 08/02/2024 11:49

I wouldn't. I don't care if others would or if some kids are living away from home at that point. I think we would all agree that isn't ideal.

Find a holiday you can all enjoy and wait until she is older to go without her.

At this age I do everything I can to make it clear to my DC that I want to spend time with them. Saying "ok, we'll go without you then" is not sending that message.