Help Dd 14 wants to commit Suicide..possibly tonight

[Diamondt]

Please help.
My dd has been self harming since Nov. It’s getting worse, more frequent and this morning I had a call from the school saying she nearly committed suicide last night and her cuts are a little deeper than normal. I am petrified about tonight ! I don’t know what to do.
Background ...
I’m a single mum and it’s just the 2 of us here. She has said it’s to do with sch, friendships, hormones and home (the home part is us arguing, nothing big just tidy your room, no you can’t go out etc. Also I am epileptic, I don’t have full seizures often but do have vacants and auras too)
She sees a mentor at school and talks to her and the safeguarding school lady dd speaks to daily. Dd doesn’t talk to me but is honest and talks to her. Tells her when she cuts etc. We have just started to see a lady from EWMHS (Monday)
She writes feelings letters ( I don’t know what she does with them) but I found a Feeling diary she’s been keeping this past week, it was in her sch blazer.
This is the last entries ..
“17/3/20 went home from sch with bad period cramps, don’t know what to do felt really down so friend came over.
11.30pm felt suicidal again, started planning an overdose, nearly Swallowed A blade and well wrote some suicide notes but ripped them up and burned them.
12pm went to sleep
18/3/20 9.24am felt down and just wanna stay in this room by myself (she was in a room with the safeguarding lady at sch all day)
Don’t want to feel like this anymore: every night I feel suicidal I don’t know why anymore. Anything good turns bad and anything bad turns worse. Still feel like a complete coward cus well I’m still alive ain’t I.“

I’m petrified!!
She’s on the phone to her friend atm. I have been up a few times and said when she comes off the phone I have some good news to tell her so come see me when your off the phone but she’s still on the phone !
I feel sooooooo sick, so lost, so helpless !!! I can’t keep going up but at the same time I have to. ESP with that last entry.
last night she came and sat with me and showed me lots of ticktocks she’s done and we ended up watching other people’s, was watching for 1.5hrs in the end. She then said she was tired and was going to go to bed. This was at 11pm. As you can see from the entry above after she went up she cut, wrote notes and went to do it !!

What should I do? What can I do? Do I stay up all night?? (I have no work tomorrow so could sleep when she goes to sch I guess)
All pills are hidden and yes she has no idea where they are I’m positive. I’ll be taking the knifes/scissors to bed with me too. About to lock the cleaning products in the shed, nowhere else lockable.
She’s getting annoyed with me going in her room (which I understand), she might be staying on the phone till she goes to sleep as I’ve caught her doing this a few times, her and her friend fall asleep on the phone together.
I’ve tried to call the EWMHS out of hours crisis line twice but it just rings and I Eventually get cut off.
Sorry about the essay. Xx

[MrsGrindah]

I think you deserve a sainthood OP

[Goawayquickly]

I’m so sorry.
Please also get rid of belts, ties, dressing gown cords, any chemicals, razors etc. (I’ve been in your shoes) it’s really tough right now with the Covid crisis isn’t it taking up so much NHS time (rightly of course)
So, maybe you can change tactics, become her best friend kind of, reassuring mum. Invite (insist) she comes into your bed for hot chocolate and to watch silly videos (to keep her safe overnight) the over the counter antihistamine Phenergan has anti anxiety properties plus will help her sleep,

How is her eating?

Unfortunately the usual advice is probably much harder due to the current crisis.

[MrsCVorFluWhoKnows]

Hi OP, we're good, this no-school thing is fab for my DS (social issues and school are his problem), and I am thankful for my past as it (hopefully) means I can help and understand my DS better when he's struggling.

Hopefully her friend will help her understand that you're just trying your best for her.

And don't listen to your Dad, you are doing the right thing.

This gretchenschmelzer.com/blog-1/2015/6/23/parent-corner-the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you is fab and has been posted here before.

there's a long running thread in Teenagers on coping.

[MrsCVorFluWhoKnows]

How are things OP?

Have NC by the way (MrsPM)
Sorry forgot to say