Ds 17, shocking as results, is adhd a possibility or am I being ridiculous? (Probably long)

[iknowimcoming]

Ds is funny kind caring (mostly) can have a quick temper, had anxiety when he was younger but seems to have grown out of it. He is a gamer, no social life other than online maybe a party once or twice a year but otherwise nothing. Has a group of nice enough mates (male and female) at school but no one he seems particularly close to. Has held down a part time job with no real problems although a few comments about him not going the extra mile.

Teachers have always said the same - he's academically very bright but lazy, a typical boy, only does the bare minimum. Gcse grades were ok bit disappointing but nothing drastic. At the last parents evening teachers were worried for his a levels, said he needed to be doing lots more than he was, he says yeah he knows etc nothing changes. We try everything we can to get him to revise and he says it's all under control, exams, he says have gone well. We are cautious but hopeful.

D in epq (predicted b/c) d - computing pred c, e in physics pred c, u in maths pred c. Total disaster - he wants to go to uni to do computer science (gaming) but won't get into anywhere decent without an a level maths. He says he will retake whole year as really wants to go to uni - we say ok but things will have to change etc he says fine.

We are on holiday we have been doing a padi scuba diving course both dd and dh have commented on his lack of concentration and attention. I idly googled add and adhd and it's all there, forgetfulness, lack of organisation, lack of focus, anxiety, quick temper. This is already too long so am I just looking for excuses for him, is it worth getting checked out? Is it too late now anyway if he were to have it or similar? I feel like I'm a terrible person as I might've missed something big, dh says he's a lazy git who doesn't have trouble concentrating on his phone or computer games? Where would I start even?

[iknowimcoming]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the replies, we saw the gp yesterday and he has done a referral letter so I can book with the psychiatrist next week and we'll go from there. I will update with any progress tho. Ds seems quite upbeat about the whole thing now, the YouTube adhd stuff really helped I think. One concern I have (and I know is jumping the gun somewhat) is that gp said yesterday adhd medication is well known for weight loss as a side effect, I suspect he mentioned it as Ds is healthy but skinny as a rake, still we'll see I guess. Thanks again

[iknowimcoming]

Hi - I said I'd update so here I am! Adhd confirmed and meds prescribed. Psychologist said his iq/intelligence from their tests are in the top 2% of the population and he definitely shouldn't be failing in school (yes I did weep a little ). They say he's very good at masking it (in school) and the report from school gives no indications at all. But his and my questionnaire and all their (very comprehensive) tests are conclusive. Ds is very upbeat about it. I feel relieved but sad I didn't do something sooner DH is totally freaking out about the medication and is convinced we are ruining his life - so that's super fun! Can anyone suggest a/some good books to start with please or websites etc tia

[chipsandgin]

I was diagnosed with primarily inattentive ADD at 45 at the same time as my then 14 year old son. I am medicated now and after 30+ years of being branded lazy/useless etc, despite being very academically able it was life changing - I wish I had been diagnosed and medicated as a teen. There are a lot of really useful resources out there. The website ADDitude is brilliant. The book ‘Taking Charge of Adult ADHD’ is good, but there are a lot more recommendations which might suit better. It’s great that you are understanding and supporting him & if you think it is relevant to you I would very much recommend getting a diagnosis - it’s never too late.

[diddlediddle]

Glad you've got it sorted OP. Just to add - ADHD very often does cooccur with ASD. The ASD can be easily missed in very intelligent children even by experienced psychologists. Many kids get given ADHD diagnoses and only later realise it's not just that - or perhaps never realise and are left facing lots of problems they don't get adequate support for. Your sons pattern of social behaviour to me is suggestive of more than ADHD. However, perhaps a thorough assessment has been undertaken and ASD comprehensively ruled out, I dont know. Just wanted you to be vigilant so your son gets what he needs. Good luck.

[iknowimcoming]

Thanks - I'm really keen to be assessed myself but have a small problem in that I have no one who knew me as a child but I'll talk to the people who did ds's and see if there's a way around that. Re the asd, the psychiatrist said it's just something to read up on and see what we can 'use' to help him. He is very empathetic (usually) which is why they've said probably not worth pursuing atm. I'm wondering whether school will reconsider him resitting maths now although it's late in the term, he has done this year already. Not sure if it's worth the battle but I'll mention it when the report comes thru and I (presumably) get to speak to the senco. Any tips for the senco?

[Toomanycats99]

If you are in London I believe there is an adult adhd Facebook support group. They did a talk locally to me about coping strategies. They did joke they didn't have many actual meet-ups as no one got round to organising them....!

[wigglybeezer]

Once you get down to the biochemistry of ADD it all makes more sense, it's all about the dopamine. Gaming gives constant bursts of dopamine and therefore is particularly addictive to people with ADHD. So is social media, my nemesis at the moment. The shortage of dopamine makes ordinary tasks and things like revision almost impossible to stick to. Basically your frontal lobe is half asleep, affecting executive function and emotional regulation.
My DS has just started on meds aged 21, he's sounds very similar to your DS but not quite as clever, I wish we'd been brave enough to pursue it sooner but then I think I've got it too and procrastination and indecision are two of weaknesses...
My DS is so much happier and calmer but has a lot of bad habits to work on.

[diddlediddle]

@iknowimcoming
It's a common misconception that people with ASD aren't/can't be empathetic. Additionally, the value of a correct diagnosis of ASD goes beyond just "reading up on it and using strategies that might help" - these two things make me doubt the expertise of your psychiatrist!

A sense of understanding oneself and identity is incredibly important for many people with ASD and being able to then be part of the vibrant neurodiverse community, as well as accessing appropriate support where needed (especially at school). I have worked with many teens and adults who were diagnosed very late and it had a significantly negative impact on their mental health and sense of self after years of feeling different. Obviously it's different for everyone and not everybody will want a diagnosis but I don't believe it should be brushed aside as unimportant if you think it's a possibility for him.

Of course, there is a strong genetic component to both asd and adhd so sounds sensible you're considering an assessment for your self too. Maybe find a professional who is able and willing to assess for both conditions at the same time - that would be best practice.

Good luck.

[iknowimcoming]

Thanks diddle - I think the reason the psychiatrist somewhat minimised the value of getting Ds assessed for asd too was because she didn't want to overwhelm us. Thinking back she was initially quite strong with it and I suspect me and Ds looked like rabbits in headlights so she backed off a bit. I dare say she'll bring it up again at one of the follow-up appointments.

I do appreciate your comments as this is a whole new field for me so thanks very much

[diddlediddle]

Ah that makes sense. Yes of course, it must be very overwhelming. Great that you are being so proactive in helping your son and sending lots of luck to you all!

[Sheheshe]

Wanted to say thanks for reporting back. So invaluable. Don’t beat yourself up about not spotting it earlier - it’s been spotted now that’s the important thing. Good luck, you’ve done something that will have a positive, lifelong impact on your child. I hope he finds his way through the next few years of education and gets where he wants to be.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Have just read the whole thread. Well done on pursuing this for your son, and good luck to you on your quest for diagnosis.

The medication can be the key to managing ADHD, but yes it does cause loss of appetite. There are ways and means around this: timing meals correctly, medication breaks during down times etc.

It may take a little while to find the right meds. Concerta (long acting Ritalin) seems to be the go to drug, but it doesn't work for everyone.

The most effective plan we found for our Ds (now 16) was a combination of Elvanse (a stimulant) and Intuniv (a non stimulant). The intuniv counteracts the appetite suppressant aspect of the stimulant. We also only use the stimulant when he's in school, though this isn't an exam year for him, so he doesn't need the extra focus particularly when he's not in school.

I would advise you to read as much as possible around it. Also Russell Barkley is excellent on YouTube.

[iknowimcoming]

Thanks he's had his first concerta this morning (18mg) says he doesn't feel any different and certainly hasn't tidied up his room yet weight loss is a big concern as he's about 5'9" and weights 7st 8lb! So not got any reserves to lose but the dr did say about altering doses to suit so she's on top of it I think. He's eaten lunch so we'll just wait and see I guess.

Quick question if I may - school don't know yet as was waiting for report but since he's now on medication should I let them know?

[EducatingArti]

Yes, do let school know ( with your son's permission).
It will help them to understand his behaviour and not just get frustrated if they think he isn't taking work seriously. Also it will enable them to put things in place to help him, eg seating him where he is less likely to be distracted. Depending on size of class, it may also mean that teachers can spot when he has lost concentration and draw his attention back or get him to re-focus to make sure he takes in the info.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Medication has to be gradually introduced, so it's highly unlikely that 18mg dose will have any impact, and ultimately his dosage will be increased. Ds ended up on 36mg Concerta when he was on it, and that was quite effective for a time.

Also be aware that insomnia can be a side effect. Many people on stimulants are also prescribed Circadin, which is slow release melatonin. Something to ask your consultant about if it's an issue.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Concerta wears off after about 10 hours, so you may find that having an enormous supper (a dinner really) is the way to go. Also calorie rich breakfast, before Concerta kicks in. Things like smoothies, peanut butter etc.
Changing doses of medication to manage the appetite loss is not really effective in my experience. That's why we introduced Intuniv, as weight gain is actually a side effect!

[iknowimcoming]

Ah that's worth knowing pomegranate - thanks! Also great username - I spent days trying to track down a bottle for a recipe a few weeks ago!

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Ha so funny re username - I tend to use food related names.

Please pm if you want any further insights from our experiences. I spent a long time researching this area, and feel we are now at a fairly good point in the whole ADHD area.

It's a non linear 'journey' (to use the dreaded phase!) but life improves post diagnosis and when a medication regime is established.

Again, feel free to message me if you think it would be of benefit.

[ClapHandsAndSaveTheFairies]

I'm an adult female with adhd combined type. I masked it well and my parents are also atypical and didn't see it accept that my sibling or myself were anything other than perfect. So it took my life spiralling way out of control for me to get a diagnosis. After ruining my life. Making several awful life choices.

It's fantastic you've been able to get your son the help now. It's not too late. Exams can be retaken. A broken and ruined life cannot be relived. I went to uni as a mature student just before I was diagnosed, the difference once I was medicated was immense.

It is worth speaking to your GP and asking for a referral for yourself. Waiting lists is usually a good year or so (so your son is lucky to have been fasttracked, I was hoping when I was reading the thread that he would be for the same of his as levels) but it's been very worthwhile for me.

I'm also currently being assessed for autism.

Fingers crossed this year goes more smoothly for your son and I hope he gets into his preferred uni.

[iknowimcoming]

Thank you clap and everyone else who has shared their own experiences - it really does help and I'm very grateful! Sadly Ds didn't get fast-tracked we had to go private as wait times for camhs here is over 2 years, I'll probably do the same when I've plucked up the courage!

Ds is still saying he's not noticing any effect of the medication (although he did say he didn't feel as sleepy as usual in his first lesson today, (I did remind him that he actually went to bed on time last night so could be that!) also he seems to be eating more than usual but I'm trying not to be hyper vigilant with him even though it's tricky!

[GoldfishGirl]

Ha ha it's SO not too late, I've just been diagnosed aged 39. I went private with Psychiatry UK which cost £350. I now taken methylphenidate (Ritalin).

Medication is not a miracle cure, you also need support and strategies. As PP notes it can massively help at University to get software etc.

Have a watch of Russell Barkley 30 Essentials for Parents on You Tube.

I also screwed up my A Levels first time, restarted and got good grades.

Hope it goes well.

[GoldfishGirl]

Oh look there's my ADHD I didn't RTFT!

How To ADHD is quite a good You Tube site.

OP I am so glad to hear you son is upbeat

[MixedPears]

Can I ask OP - and others.

Interesting you mention indecision and prevarication, Do you consider these as possible signs also. 1. V hard to get up in morning/a real night owl. Always late for school/college. 2. default grumpy mood, even hostile - beyond normal teens I believe.

These are some of my DS17 behaviours. Going on for 4 years + now.

[MixedPears]

Should have clarified. These are JUST SOME of behaviours, there are others. Just the low level hostility and grumpiness and impatience the most hard to live with; if I start a sentence he interrupts me all the time, it’s incredibly rude and of course it takes 3 x as long to complete what I’m trying to say. I try to be brief but I think he would prefer it if I never ever spoke .

V glad to hear you got somewhere with your son OP, even after initial resistance.

However if your DS blank refuses it’s hard to know what else to do. For those who went down the path of adult ADHD testing, is it something you would have considered if you had been offered when younger?

[iknowimcoming]

Just a quick progress report for anyone who's interested - Ds is now on 54mg concerta and is soooooo much happier in himself, school have been good and got him extra time, breaks etc for his a level but unfortunately just missed deadline for btec. Just had his mocks and he got an A for his computing a level - YES I SAID AN A!! Also a distinction in his btec, so so proud of him and he's just about admitted he's proud of himself!

I've also been diagnosed add and have just started medication so we'll see how that goes!

Much love to all!