How much do you dictate what your teen can/ cannot wear

[BackInTime]

Just interested to know how much you dictate about what clothes, make up and jewellery their teens wear. I have friends that seem to be quite strict particularly with their DDs and will insist on choosing clothes with them, that they only wear minimal makeup and only tiny stud earrings if any at all (earrings are chavy apparently). That's not to say that all of them actually obey the rules. They have been known to change clothes or put more make up on as soon as they leave the house.

Personally I'm somewhere around in the middle. I let DD make her own choices and shop for herself and will try to advise and guide rather than dictate. It might not always be to my taste but isn't choosing your own clothes and experimenting with makeup part of what being a teenager is all about.

[Boulezvous]

There have been quite a few questions on MN recently that are about how we choose to control or judge our teens. I've always been keen to let them make choices and develop their individuality that includes their dressing, surely the whole point of being a teenager is to dress in ways that their parents wouldn't? That's the point.

The only time I baulked at something was the nipple piercing idea - XH and I really were disapproving and it never happened. Quite a few of her friends had them. Though I always thought it was her choice I was a bit yuck on that.

[MariaNovella]

surely the whole point of being a teenager is to dress in ways that their parents wouldn't? That's the point.

I don’t get this at all. Surely teenagers should be rebelling against ideas, not clothing....

[ourkidmolly]

I absolutely hate it when people say things like I stop my teens dressing like a tart or a prostitute. So derogatory and misogynistic. Never mentioned for boys.

[RomanyQueen1]

I have 15 year old dd I dictate to a certain degree or as she has no school uniform would wear this, and I'm not kidding

I make her go to modern shops and she hates it. If there is anything that looks old fashioned she'll choose it.
If I happen to buy her something thinking she'd like it, she takes it back and swaps for something that nobody would consider buying. I leave her to it now.

[MariaNovella]

Love it Romany. Why not?

[MariaNovella]

I’m thinking about getting www.bellerose.be/products/honey-p1037-white for my DD

[RomanyQueen1]

Maria

It's bloody embarrassing and school find it funny. Thankfully, she hasn't time for all this dressing but would really prefer it and takes every opportunity to wear this stuff.

[shitpark]

I let them choose, I might guide towards appropriate clothing

[blueskiesovertheforest]

My teen DD is only 13, but she wears jeans and t shirts, there really isn't any reason for me to "dictate" anything.

[AtiaoftheJulii]

From when mine turned 13 I've given them a monthly allowance and they buy pretty much all their own clothes. I'll buy clothes as presents, I buy the girls bras to make sure they have ones that fit, I obviously buy school clothes, and occasionally I'll just buy stuff because I want to 😊 They can wear what they want, do whatever they want with their hair. I got over the idea that how they look reflects on me as a parent about 18 years ago, I really don't care at all now!

[blueskiesovertheforest]

She wears whatever earrings she wants. I said she had to pay for a second piercing herself when she wanted one, and have it at the place I chose for safety/ hygiene reasons because she was only 12. She has make-up but I don't buy it, she buys it herself. She had a phase of wearing it more but doesn't bother much any more. She colours her hair if she wants. We have no school uniform. I can't imagine wanting to tell her what to wear.

I had her back when she chose to wear trousers to a family wedding, given I was letting her brothers...

[MariaNovella]

Embarrassing? I love those looks of another age, Romany.

[BackinTimeforBeer]

What they wear is so closely aligned to their identity, of course if you heavily control it they are going to object and rebel in some way - a girl at my school kept all her banned black clothes in her locker - she had very controlling parents - I think she went no contact as soon as she could - bit sad really.
Dd likes shopping with me, it's a fun day out for both of us, she has her own budget and makes her own choices. Make up was a big thing early teens but she soon got bored of it and now she borrows mine - which is bloody annoying.

[Bookworm01]

12.5 yo girl wears hoodies, t-shirts and jeans, with trainers. She isn't rebelling yet...but she did ask her dad to buy her a dress the other day!

[Firefliess]

@ourkidmolly I stop my DDs dressing like prostitutes out of concern for their safety when out and about late at night. If young girls are lucky enough never too have been hassled by drunk blokes they can be naive about it. I guess I'd do the same if I thought my son's clothing was likely to put him at risk, but he doesn't seem to feel the same societal pressure to walk around in sexy underwear. I think it's the pressures the girls are under to dress like that in the first place, and the way it may be perceived by drunk blokes late at night that's the problem.

[ALannisterInDebt]

I don't pass comment on anything my teenage DC choose to wear, fortunately they are both more conservative than I was at their age

[ourkidmolly]

@Firefliess
You've detailed your DD's clothes and then ascribed an imaginary prostitute to them. But actually it's your teens that are wearing the clothes not prostitutes. Fine that you don't want your kids to dress like that but stop demeaning other women to justify it. I hate it when parents say to their daughters, you look like a slag, a tart, a prozzie. The prostitutes around here often to wear leggings and trainers and normally long sleeved tops to cover track marks.

[Rollergirl11]

I don’t generally dictate to DD what she can wear as she usually doesn’t choose anything I disapprove of. However she sent me a picture (attached) of a dress one of her friends (they are both 13) plans to wear to a party next week. There is absolutely no way I would allow DD to purchase anything like this let alone wear it out of the house to a party!

[BlackPrism]

Shit, I'd better tell the fashion department at my magazine that earrings are chavvy (they're actually one of the biggest trends of the entire last year and S/S going forward.)

[BackInTime]

I got over the idea that how they look reflects on me as a parent about 18 years ago, I really don't care at all now

I agree with this but it is difficult sometimes not to feel judged, because people do judge especially with teens. People look at their teens social media and make judgments about their teens friends based on what they post. A friend recently commented that a mutual friends DD had turned into a 'right tart' because she saw a picture of her in a short dress online.

[Whitelisbon]

Dd1 has worn what she wanted most of the time since she was about 3. She was an awkward wee shit, who would strip naked as soon as your back was turned if she was wearing something that didn't have her approval.
She's 16 now, and, I would hope, past the stripping naked in public age, and I let her wear whatever she wants. Nothing with swear words to school or cadets, and that's pretty much My only rule.
She dresses an awful lot better than I did as a teen!

[BackinTimeforBeer]

I agree with this but it is difficult sometimes not to feel judged, because people do judge especially with teens Ha ha - my mum used to dread me coming into her work (she used to give me her car, but I had to pick her up from work) - I was wearing 16 hole steel toes cap boots - a pair of patched together trousers and a mohair jumper that had so many holes in, it was barely there - you know the grunge years in the 90s. She plotted ways for me not to come in to get her but she never said anything at the time - years later she regaled stories about how embarrassed she was about how I dressed.
My mum was incredibly self centred and shit in so many ways (seriously) but she did two things right - she never told me what to wear and who to hang out with - all were welcome at my house - I was her 5th child - she'd finally figured out how to get through the teenage years, it took a while though!

[blueskiesovertheforest]

BackInTime the opinion of any adult who calls a teenager a "right tart" is worth less than the dog shit in their shoes.

[BackinTimeforBeer]

I despair that we are still referring to females as tarts!