How much do you dictate what your teen can/ cannot wear

[BackInTime]

Just interested to know how much you dictate about what clothes, make up and jewellery their teens wear. I have friends that seem to be quite strict particularly with their DDs and will insist on choosing clothes with them, that they only wear minimal makeup and only tiny stud earrings if any at all (earrings are chavy apparently). That's not to say that all of them actually obey the rules. They have been known to change clothes or put more make up on as soon as they leave the house.

Personally I'm somewhere around in the middle. I let DD make her own choices and shop for herself and will try to advise and guide rather than dictate. It might not always be to my taste but isn't choosing your own clothes and experimenting with makeup part of what being a teenager is all about.

[BackInTime]

Thanks all for your replies. It seems that the consensus is let them get on with it unless how they dress is inappropriate for the occasion. I think perhaps my friends are quite strict about what their teens wear although not sure it's working when their DCs are just doing things behind their backs anyway

[10IAR]

I have to say in my experience (VERY strict religious parents) the more restrictions, especially needless ones, the greater the rebellion when it comes

[Justgivemesomepeace]

I don't say anything. She'd only hide it in a bag and change anyway. She goes out looking like a footballers wife sometimes. I just say 'very nice', then me and DP roll our eyes when the door shuts. I've only commented on a slogan t shirt with the word 'bitch' in it. She appeared to agree as it suddenly turned into pyjamas.

[Sadik]

Basically not at all. The exceptions being:

• if the item in question is mine, in which case I would like to be consulted first
• if it is very early in the morning, she's patently half asleep, and she's leaving the house in clothes that clash violently in colour or are inside out/back to front, when I might point this out and ask if it was intentional (generally not)

[JustDanceAddict]

I have absolutely no influence on what DD wears. She has a very specific style, most of which I don’t really like. She spends her allowance and buys/sells clothes to fund it too, but if I’m buying I do have a say as it’s my money. Obv if we are going somewhere smart I insist she dresses suitably, but she has a couple of things she can wear in that case.
DS is less fussy and we go online and he picks. Any more expensive stuff will be for birthdays.

[pointythings]

Mine don't need policing. I have 2DDs, 16 and 18, and they have their own individual style. Neither cares about brands, both love vintage stuff from charity shops. The older one tends towards the Goth, the younger is either very androgynous or very feminine. They know exactly how to dress for any occasion, no concerns there at all.

[BackforGood]

Until she is 18 we keep a close eye on clothing etc.

I am genuinely interested to try to understand why ?

[Disfordarkchocolate]

None but he's not that bothered (yet), we struggle to get stuff that fits as he is tall and thin so that limits his options. I save my breath for keeping himself clean and smelling nice which is non-negotiable.

[ILoveMaxiBondi]

I have told my daughter i'm fine with what she wears, as long as she doesn't dress like a prostitute.

Urgh! Hate this bullshit. “Prostitute” clothing is just women’s clothing. Seriously. It is as varied as women’s clothing gets. Some wear jeans and trainers just like girls and women up and down the country. You will have met prostitues in ASDA/lidl/Waitrose/wherever and won’t have been able to identify them as a prostitute from their clothing. Some will wear short skirts and heels while working but others will wear leggings and flats and big warm coats. Because streets are fucking cold in March. Stop peddalling that misogynistic shite to your daughter. She may be dressed exactly like a prostitute and you would never know. Because they’re all just women (and girls too actually)

[Echobelly]

DD will hit teens in a few years, but I'm always amazed why people bother commenting about clothes really. Honestly, of all the battles to pick, it seems a daft one.

Admittedly, my mum was a pretty outrageous dresser when I was a kid (pink hair, bondage trousers, spiked dog collars etc) so it would have been hard to shock her, plus I loved her look anyway so it wasn't surprising when I was quite a punky teen and I wanted her approval, not to wind her up! My parents took the line (and I plan to) that as long as kids are happy, doing OK at school, why sweat the small stuff? And if they're not... the clothes etc also really don't matter!

I think the best thing you can do if a kid tries to shock you is to say 'Oh, you look nice dear', and if they're doing it to wind you up, they'll learn it won't work, and if they're dressing like that because they want to, they'll know it's OK with you. I think DD knows we'd be hard to shock with how she dresses so she's not likely to choose that as a path of rebellion. Not saying she won't go for something else, though...

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Not at all. DD is 15 has an allowance and is a very smart shopper. No Brands. Definitely has her own style that suits her.

[MariaNovella]

I was out yesterday and went to a shop I really like for teens. I chose four items (a sweatshirt, a T-shirt, trousers, shorts) from the new summer collection and bought them for DD as a surprise.

She loved them all!

[AuntieStella]

Sadik - you make a very good point about intervening when they're 'borrowing' something

DD and I are pretty much the same size at the moment. It's an interesting way to extend our respective wardrobes, but not exactly friction free

[Fazackerley]

Mine get money and choose their own clothes. I have a 12, 16 and 19 year old girls and a 13 year old boy

All dress fine. The two younger ones would live in sports kit if they could but have a 'smart outoft' in case it's needed (brandy Melville trs and a top in dds case)

The top two wear make up but are very good at doing it. They always look lovely I'm hoping dd 19 doesn't get her nose pierced but I'll get over it .

[boredboredboredboredbored]

My 15 yo Dd has a very eclectic taste in clothes. One day she's dressed in current fashions, the next she's in flares and Queen T-shirt's! Unless it was particularly revealing I don't not interfere I think it's lovely she's developing her own style.

[anniehm]

I had some basic rules it let them choose beyond that - eg no tops exposing midriff (except beach wear)

[FairyBunnyAgain]

I’ve bee through the teen years with my 2 DDs, their school was quite strict about piercings, earrings and uniform including 6th form and they were happy to comply.
Now both at uni stage they have multiple piercings although 9nly in their ears which is their choice not mine, neither have tattoos yet although they haven’t ruled them out.
They always chose and bought their own clothes from 13 up, when they are home we seem to get a delivery every day from ASOS etc. THe only time I have intervened is for formal events where usually offering to pay means that they weR appropriate clothing.
DD1 prefers more casual clothes, has multi coloured hair and usually looks a mess but has perfect make up. This is her style. DD2 is slim and always wears monochrome smartish clothes, the only time I pass comment is when she is off out in a skimpy top and short skirt, not that she takes any notice.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Not fussed what mine wear as long as they are smart for weddings, funerals etc. One of mine lives in jeans and hoodies, the other is more dressy but went through a horrible fake tan phase which I found difficult not to comment on, during some particularly orange days , when she has a naturally beautiful olive complexion.

[Snog]

My dd wears what she wants to.
I didn't let her pierce her ears though until she was 12. I'm not sure why I felt the need to be controlling on that issue, probably because I was prejudiced against young children with earrings at that time / I'm not any more.

I think wearing school uniform all the time gives rise to wild dressing whereas if you have always been used to wearing your own choice of clothes there's not much incentive to rebel.

[LegitimateShite]

My parents were strict and prescriptive about clothes/hair/makeup/hair removal to the point that I ended up being bullied for my appearance. My mum chose all my clothes, I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs or pluck my eyebrows, styling my hair was banned (other than a ponytail), and I was told that make-up was slutty. When I rebelled I REALLY went for it!

My own teen daughter is allowed to style herself however she wants to; she wouldn’t wear anything wildly inappropriate for events etc, but giving her control has meant that she takes responsibility for that and wouldn’t want to anyway. She wears make-up when she’s not at school (and sometimes manages to get away with discreet make-up for school days), pretty much lives in skinny jeans and converse, but sometimes dresses up in heels and a little top. She has her own style and always looks great!

I agree with a PP - clothes are just clothes!

[MariaNovella]

I think wearing school uniform all the time gives rise to wild dressing whereas if you have always been used to wearing your own choice of clothes there's not much incentive to rebel.

I agree with this. Our DCs haven’t worn uniform as teens and clothes are not a huge deal. DD is interested in her look but isn’t trying to rock any boats.

[BackInTime]

@Snog It is interesting the views about earrings. In some circles there seems to be a certain snobbishness that having your ears pierced is seen as 'common'. I'm not talking multiple piercings just a plain old stud in each ear. MIL was horrified that DD had her ears pierced at 12 anyone would think she was pierced and tattooed all over

[Fazackerley]

Lol at wearing school uniform giving rise to wild dressing.

[Chimchar]

@ILoveMaxiBondi Awesome post in response to the prostitute comment.

[Springersrock]

I don’t get involved at all

I have 17 and 14 year old girls

They both get a clothing allowance and are free to buy and wear whatever they want.

The younger one is madly into horse riding so other than school uniform she tends to live in jodhpurs/sweaters or pyjamas - the less she spends on clothes, the more she can spend on matchy-matchy shit for her pony - in fact, the pony is better dressed than she is

The older one is more into fashion and clothes and make up. I leave her to it mostly. We always end up having the most horrendous arguments if I take her shopping so she goes with her friends.