16 year old DD wants a sleepover with guy friends.

[Ohanameansfamily]

My daughter is 16 and after over a year of being lonely as described in my previous thread, she has finally made some friends and i am very happy for her. She has managed to make friends at school and altough i am happy i am also slightly concerned as they are all boys. She seems to get along great with them and they came over to our house before. My daughter asked if she could have a sleepover with a couple of her new guy friends like she used to with her old girl friends. She argues they are just friends and will obviously sleep in seperate beds and just watch movies and play board games. She is a very responsible girl and i trust her but i am worried as they are all teenagers with raging hormones. I dont know what to do, please give me some advice.

[Slightlycoddled]

Watching with interest. My dd has actually slept in a tent with her boyfriend, his older brothers (chaperones) and cousins - all male save one - but we know the family, knew there would be good parental supervision and as they had just hiked for miles it was more a case of mud, smelly socks and spiders than any sort of erotic snog-fest.

I really wouldn't know what to do in this situation. I don't think I would say yes of I didn't know the boys or their families though. And I would be worried about my DD being in a situation where she was out of her depth.

[ChrisjenAvasarala]

I had sleepovers with boys from 12 onwards, but they were camp outs in the back garden and there was always a big brother or sister present. It was only allowed because we were all neighbours with only a year or 2 between us and grew up together from babies, to toddlers to primary to high school. It wouldn't even enter my head to have been kissy or sexual with them, even at 16. But we knew our freindship, we knew our boundaries, all of our parents knew each other and we were always at someone house to the parents knew all he kids really well. It was like a really strange extended family living around the block together.

So, it can work and be completely innocent but it depends entirely on the friendship and hers are quite new.

[TopicalUseOnly]

At 16 and 17 I used to go to regular large mixed parties/sleepovers at a friend's house while her parents were away (they were away most weekends).

Those with boyfriends/girlfriends (a minority) would sleep with them in the bedrooms. The rest of us, male and female, would all sleep in the living room in sleeping bags.

It was all entirely respectful and looking back we were a very well-behaved bunch who would always clean up the house and take the bottles for recycling the next day. For me it was an entirely positive experience. I'm still a little bit that all our parents were on board with it at the time, though.

However... this is different in a number of ways. Your DD would be the only girl and she may be socially vulnerable if there have been friendship issues in the past. On the plus side, you'd be in the house yourselves.

Is there a gradual way you could build up to this?

[PleaseLetMummySleep]

Interesting question..

I wasn't allowed to be friends with boys and wouldn't even have been allowed to have male friends over during the day. Any contact with a boy was sexualised by my parents. I remember once I had a female friend with a boys name and I asked if she could come over to play and it created such fuss I was so anxious asking as I knew as soon as I said her name I'd get questioned, so immediately had my defence prepared "she's a girl, honestly, it's just her name!"

As a result, I found it very hard in my late teens and twenties as I assumed all men only want sex which led to awkwardness and me overstepping boundaries. I'm mortified looking back.

I think it's a good opportunity to teach about boundaries and would allow it occasionally with strict rules in place and appropriate checking/supervision.

[Branleuse]

im not sure theres that much you can do at 16, but if she does, then i assume that she would end up having sex with at least one of them. Is she on contraception?