What age did you move out?

[ChillUrBeans]

DS went to Uni last August and stayed residential. Dropped out in May but had been offered FT job in field he was studying so I was ok with that as I knew he wasn't happy at Uni.

Whist there his GF (18) parents kicked her out (for staying night at his) so I think she mainly stayed at his in Uni accommodation. Since he moved back to home town she has been house sharing but this has all fallen through.

Both work full time (she is on apprenticeship wage and gets top up from UC). I think he is really wanting to private rent with her now and I am not sure how I feel about it?

On one hand, I feel like he is pressured from her because she literally is on her own in world (her mom still won't speak to her and her family is moving abroad in next few weeks) and he feels like its his fault she got kicked out and now feels that he can't leave her. He had told me that he really wanted to save and be able to buy something in a few years but he knows she wants him to be with her now.

I really wanted him to be able to enjoy having a decent wage picks up between £1300 - £1600) depending on his hours (works between 40-60 hours per week) and going on hols, spending on fun stuff and still save. Once he is living the GF this is not likely to happen but I know he helps her financially anyway.

On other, he never stays at ours really anyway, is till paying rent but isn't really eating at our either. We have still been taking rent (saving it for him but he doesn't know) as I wanted him to get used to having to stick to paying bills, so I get he would use this to his part of rent and I wouldn't feel like I was ripping my own DS off.

DH thinks I am being stupid. He said that if he completed Uni he wouldn't have been home anyway and that 19 and in FT work is old enough to live on his own and thinks I should let him - even encourage!

I worry 19 is too young and too much pressure BUT I lived at home rent free until 21 then bought my own house. DH left home at 16/17 and has never looked back. I did have friends who had children and 17 and 18 and were given council places but I have seen them struggle and DH struggled in past. DH has said he can always move back if it all goes tits up so can't see problem.

I don't think I am ready for him to move out (pathetic I know ).


What age did you move out and am I just struggling to cut the apron strings?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

23 when I bought my first home. I think you’re going yo have to let him go, been though it might not be ideal, and make sure he knows that he’s always welcome back, even if he just wants to come for a cuppa

[Aragog]

Went to university at 18y but came back for six months a couple of years later when I did a course transfer. Went back to a different university after six months and didn't live back at home properly since then, though went back for holidays.

Dh left for university at 18, went back for holidays and then lived at home rent free for a year after finishing (4 years later) and then we moved in together after that.

[IsTheRainEverComingBack]

19, to move in with a boyfriend. He’d been living with me at my parents for about 9 months beforehand. Returned home at 21 when that relationship ended and stayed for about 18 months. Left and never went back after that. I always knew I could go home if I needed too, just make sure your son knows that too.

[rosamundhopelovesdogs123]

I left 'home' when I was 18 and moved into a hostel, but that was back in the late '70's when it was considered normal to leave home once you'd reached adulthood. Very dysfunctional family so no loss.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

16.
I joined the army so was living in the block.
Then got a proper house at 19.

[PoisonousSmurf]

Aged 26 and moved in with my boyfriend (now DH) who had his own house in the mid 90s.

[GoingRogue]

16 when I moved in with my boyfriend (who lived with his parents).

[Alwayscommuting]

I was 17. Had and still have a great relationship with my family but it was time to have my own space.

[notacooldad]

I left home at 17.

[ragged]

My dad (born 1942) talks about friends being firmly kicked out at 18 . Not coz they were difficult teens, but the parents believed "Time to go!" My father was very grateful for his supportive parents.

I went back & forth like yoyo from age 17-24.
Think my dad wasn't fully out until 21 or so.
My mother was out at 17 but moved back in with 2 babies at age 20 (on path to divorce). yoyo'd at least once... Finally out at 24.

DS is fairly moved out, but is in Army (18).

[NerrSnerr]

I moved out properly by the second year of university. I still got to do everything I wanted, I travelled, lived in a few different parts of the countries and spent my weekends and evenings at gigs and things. I much preferred having less money and my complete independence than more money but liv8ng on my childhood bedroom.

[BertieBotts]

I was 18. I wish I hadn't moved in with a partner but I don't think I was too young to move out.

[ChillUrBeans]

Thanks everyone.

I think those that have said it is more the situation than the actual moving out have hit the nail on the head really, especially the feeling he is being tied down rather than doing this because it is what he really wants.

haribo I would never say that to him as that is pretty much what her parents have done to her and she was going going to visit him for the weekend. I have given her a long term loan for the deposit on the house share she is in now and spent hours at local council trying to help her out. I have been nothing but supportive to her even though I have had many sleepless nights over the situation - he knows I am worried but that is it.

She moved into his uni digs with him in Jan with a weekends worth of clothes, she had no money and he was using his student finance to support both of them as she couldn't get a job or claim anything as she had no address, they didn't tell me for weeks that this had happened and when they did he still wouldn't accept financial help from me.

Thing is when she got house share he was adamant then that he wasn't renting as he wanted to save and buy, now she is facing being homeless again this has changed again.

We are meeting up tomorrow (just the two of us) so think I am going to have a proper chat with him and if that is his plan then I have found a few house share that are local with reasonable deposits and weekly rent. Most of all I want him to be happy and know that he always has a back up plan and can come home. I think though that I am going to try and convince him to start an ISA so if he/they want to buy in future then it is still a possibility.

I really appreciate the different view points as I know I was very lucky and probably coddled in a lot of ways (whilst family were very poor at times, what there was, was there for all and I now my parents would go without for us) but they also never showed us how to manage any finances so when i moved out I struggled then over years go into so much debt that it took me years of struggle and then finally got rid of it all accept mortgage. It is this that worries me, him getting into debt as its the first time he has had a proper wage but he assures me he will nt take on debt like that (famous last words though).

I know that I have to let him find his feet and go his own way, I just wish they were telling me they were off travelling for 12 months or something instead.

[ChairinSage]

I left at 18 to go to university. I landed on my feet with a great part time job (and an idiot boyfriend who did his best to spend my money whilst convincing me he was the best thing to happen to me...).

I thought I was grown up enough to do domestic bliss and nothing my parents said would have convinced me otherwise.

[funmummy48]

I was 19. I left home as soon as I could and never went back.

[SlimmingMumOf1]

19

[BonnieF]

18. I never really moved back home after going away to University.
    
    I grew up on a council estate in a shithole ex-mining town in Derbyshire. I couldn’t wait to get out, and never wanted to go back. I was the first person in my family to enter higher education and after 3 years at university I no longer had much in common with ‘home’.

[Meandyoumake2]

Could they move into a house share? Save some money,experience living together and get a by of independence? I went to uni,came home at 23 moved out for around 3 months,realised the grass was greener and moved home - just make sure he (maybe her too? Are welcome. I stayed put until I met my partner and moved out at 26!

[haribosmarties]

I was 16. I was probably too young as I was trying to complete sixth form and work to pay my rent....
My parents took the whole 'if you leave this house to be with him then dont expect to be welcome back' line over my boyfriend who they did not approve of... so I left and never returned....and that would probably make my advice to you... do not get overly involved in your sons dynamics with his girlfriend. It never ends well. Even if you think he is not making the right decisions stay well back... he needs to go through it himself and the main thing is that he still has a good relationship with you. He may indeed waste money on getting a flat with her etc... but thats his call and his lesson to learn

[ParkheadParadise]

I was 18 when I moved out. I already had dd aged 3. We moved into a brand new council house (23yrs ago).

[Davros]

17 but I now think I was too young as parents moved away and I had no home base or back up. Rented a shit hole with friends, did not live with a bf which would have been swapping one sort of domestication for another. I thought it was great at the time but in reality it was hard

[BackforGood]

Personally, I was 25 - when I bought my first home, but my siblings never really returned (except various temporary, short term stays) from when they left for university at 18.

Like ohTheRoses, I don't think this is about him moving out per se, but about seeing him "tied down" and feeling responsible for another person so young. I can understand that. I have dc a similar age. Quite happy for them to be in their house shares, etc, but would feel sad if they couldn't make all those decisions about how they spend their money.
19 is a time for choosing between running a car or going on a fab holiday for many of their peers, and you feel he is missing out.

[Rebecca36]

It's understandable that you feel your son is too young to be living with a girlfriend at the moment but there's not much you can do about it as he is legally an adult.

A house-share might be a good idea for both of them, perhaps with another couple of young people. Then it's not quite 'living together' but they have independence and freedom. Find out if they have friends who would share with them. House sharing doesn't always go well so they have to be prepared for that (& you). If g/f has already done it, she probably knows the pitfalls.

I was eighteen when I moved away from parents (wanted to do it from 13!). My son was nearly 22 when he fled our nest. We're all different.

[JustDanceAddict]

23 - after being at home for a year after uni. Moved in with Boyf who is now dh.