Do your teens sometimes make you cry?

[pasanda]

Feeling really pre-menstual and knackered so don't normally do this but.....fuck me, teenagers can make you feel shit sometimes can't they!

Xmas tree shopping/ decorating has always been a fun tradition in this house. A BIG thing to whoever puts the star on the top. Yesterday dd (13, nearly 14) put one fecking bauble on the tree then fucked off back to her room with a face like a wet weekend having ruined the atmosphere.

Mealtimes, they can't wait to fuck off back to their rooms/PS4, no conversation at all, just a miserable face.

DS (16) is a bloody saint according to his gf's parents

I KNOW it's all normal blah blah blah. But I just always envisage other teens being well, just nicer in day to day life.

Making the most of 9 year old dt 's before they 'turn' into miserable fuckers too!

(Ps, they're not always like this, it's just tonight I'm feeling it! Anyone else sympathise with me?

[MorrisZapp]

I don't have teenagers but I feel your pain. I often come onto these threads to recommend a novel called The War Between the Tates by Alison Lurie. It's a somewhat dated sixties novel about a university professor cheating on his wife, with a subplot about the horrors of losing your adorable children to the monsters of adolescence.

I'm a huge Alison Lurie fan and obviously biased but it was groundbreaking in its time and still holds up now. Definitely worth a read.

[creepingbuttercupdrivesmemad]

Yep. My son is a bully, physically and emotionally, both to me and his younger brother. Just counting down the years until he leaves home...

[Titsywoo]

DD is 13 and she doesn't make me cry but the way others behave towards her sometimes does. Bullying little bastards.

Currently she is still sweetness and light - stays in her bedroom most of the time dancing and listening to music but talks to me about most stuff. I'm sure the change will come soon enough.

DS is 10 and makes me cry more. His ASD can make him an insensitive bugger and sometimes he hits where it hurts. He doesn't mean to be nasty though. I am worried about how his teen years will go more than DDs!

[fleshmarketclose]

Dd has autism and so we have teenage angst multiplied by 1000 especially surrounding school. I have the patience of a Saint but this morning I was muttering FFS under my breath because I'm just about at the end of my tether.
She has come home today and hasn't got one positive word to say. Ds's room has been re decorated in the last few days,hers was last week in the colour of her choosing. Today she is moaning that she prefers ds room and it isn't fair that that his is bigger etc etc Just about had enough of it at the moment.

[forcryinoutloud]

I really don’t want to know how other teens keep their rooms immaculate, play with younger siblings, make you a cup of tea, study and volunteer.

By some holy miracle or freak of nature surely? (whatever it is I want one)

[JustHope]

Me too forcryin perfectly behaved teens do exist apparently, just like newborns that sleep through the night or kids who like broccoli for a snack

[Wozzle01]

Thank you for the those that commented and did not judge, it is very much appreciated.
Pasanda, - it was a very tough decision but the only one for me to take otherwise I probably would not be here now,having tried every which way to engage, make him see he is going down the wrong path in life in amongst the tears, fights, leaving home as well as social services telling both my Husband and I they felt we were partly to blame not letting him do as he pleases! We asked for the basics respect our home, no cigarettes or equally drugs to enter the house, be in at a reasonable time or at least message to let us know you are safe, work hard at school and that was probably it.
Bigsandyballs2015 - Yes, it was very tough and I do occasionally question myself but then start to feel extremely anxious thinking about what he put us through as a family and I soon realise, for me it is the right thing. I really feel for your friend, we all choose to bring children into this world, enrich their lives as ours have been and guide them in the right direction but when you are so hurt by someone you have loved unconditionally you (or at least I) start to question yourself. I also believe social media also plays a huge part in how our children develop, they are impressionable and influenced and in some case like mine influenced by the wrong things. The social media world is an every changing place. The one thing I managed to get both of them to do whilst both were in secondary education was tech off at 21.30 and left on the landing table. Obviously the older one now at college does not do that but the younger one still puts his phone on the table Sun - Thurs during school terms.

[Tiedie]

Wozzle, you have been through such a tough time. I admire your ability to disengage, and realize how hard it is. We've had a tough couple of years with DD1, who is now in psychiatric care-we sought help early but several professionals said it was normal teenage behavior (gender violence isn't but your child being physically aggressive is normal? )and that it was our fault. We questioned everything we did, and still do because Dd2 is testing all boundaries too-stealing, going through our stuff, aggressive, not working for school. I'm sat in my coat by the door, waiting to see if she's going to school today, before I go to work. She's already late. I've hardly slept and already had a cry this morning.

[JustHope]

for Wozzle and Tiedie and all those going through a tough time with teens.

[ginorwine]

Wozzle
How do you disengage when they are I the house . I feel like this at present - dd home from uni may not go back . Of course she has to be here but I too will be happy when she leaves . Any tips appreciated . She wants to spend time with me - shop together etc a lot and I get quite anxious as she can turn nasty etc
When away at uni I was happy relaxed
Now I just don't want be at home . It's affected dh and myself within days of her being here and I don't want it to happen .

[Oddsocks15]

Also dreading meeting up over Christmas with in-laws and “perfect” older cousins. Apparently they are sooo much smarter and well behaved than our DC

[JustDanceAddict]

The dinner thing sounds familiar, but try and make it more interesting with conversations about random stuff as they tend to clam up about their day etc.
My 13 yr old DS can be a right misery sometimes and it pisses me off as cba to make effort with much apart from PS4. I have a feeling he is not happy with some aspects of his friend situation but won’t talk to me about it properly. It’s a shitty age.
At least you are all having dinner together, which is what we try to aim for most nights (unless going out).

[Arronsmissus]

I have a DD who is 14 next month and she us a bloody nightmare.

We have problems with our septic tank system and ATM have to limit the water going into it. i.e no filling the bath to the brim just enough to gucebyou a good wash. DD was running a bath and i sai “that’s enough water please” and explained why. She yelled its no enough, i said you only need to wash. She emptied the bath and walked out if the house.

Jeez you have my sympathy.

[LoniceraJaponica]

"DD's crap 'friends' who can be so mean to her sometimes"

This is what upsets me the most about DD. Teenage girls can be utter bitches.

When I read threads about women who want a 4th or 5th child when they already have 3 or 4 under the age of 8 or so I think they would soon change their mind if they knew what it was like to parent a teenager or several teenagers.

for those of you going through the mill. Parenting a toddler is a piece of cake compared to parenting a teenager.

[Taffeta]

I have a 14 yo grunting Kevin.

Shower avoider, can’t stand to be at the table eating with us for a moment longer then he has to, glued to XBox, monosyllabic in the morning etc

He’s foul to his younger sister and massively selfish.

We are also seeing the Perfect Cousins over Christmas. Can’t wair.

[wtf2015]

Yes - tears, anger, despair.... only thing I hang onto is gin in the evening and the something their primary school head said at the leaving services - when your teenagers are at their most horrid is when they need you the most. You aren’t alone

[dataandspot]

Can anyone link to any threads with people in wozzles position?

I could do with some support.

[Mumchanges]

I have a thread running at the moment about dd I have been in huge sobbing tears most of the weekend.

Until a year ago I had a lovely, kind, thoughtful, hard working, appreciative, sensible daughter.

Now - I REALLY don't know what's gone wrong and all I can think is to blame myself cos I raised her, her dad vanished years ago (knob!)

Big problems with a party at weekend, apology barely worth getting and self serving and I don't know where to go from here.

Wozzle I don't know how you do it! Dd not quite reached that point yet hoping that she doesn't but after this weekend not sure I'd be surprised.

I've spoke to mum, best friend, cpn, an advice line and obviously on here and don't feel massively further forward.

Dreading speaking to dd tonight but I have to, we have to do something.

Came to this part of mn so I didn't feel completely alone and for that I thank the posters who have been honest about how they feel about their children as it can be so taboo to be negative about our own.

I am SO angry, hurt and disappointed right now. And for all this to kick off week before Christmas too. Plus Christmas is just me and dd anyway so it's gonna be a really shitty one this year as I don't think we'll be hardly speaking.

I've bought some of her gifts but not all and frankly I feel like just giving her them unwrapped and not getting her anything else. Don't care if she's got me anything at all but would it be surprised if she either gets me nothing or gets me something ridiculously generous/expensive in a poorly thought out attempt to appease me and I'm not sure what's worse!

[Mumofteendom]

God yes frequently. Dd hit 12 and turned into a bully. She would tip the bin out all over the floor, damage stuff, throw stuff at my face, slammed the door on my arm, trapped me in a room, tried to stop me getting to my bed to sleep, hurt me and tell me I had brought it on myself. Really awful. She won't do anything around the house, she won't do anything for herself.
Everytime I tell her off for anything I'm 'getting at her', something goes strong at school and she explodes at me. She's damaged the wall this week slamming the door open.

If she's told off she tries and turns it round to me and being my fault. Or I don't want her, don't love her etc. My parents are aware of how bad she is and told a relative she is a brat. She has found out and gone berserk.

She has some mild SN, she won't wash unless it's a battle, I frequently find rotting food dumped under her bed.

She swears at me, she emotional blackmails.

She's hanging around with a girl who seriously self harms and has mental health problems. She scratched her arm lightly once because this girl told her too and then wrote a big letter and left it for me to find after she had been told of how she hates summer as she has to wear tops and the scars remind her of the hatred she feels everyday and she's been clean of self harm for x days which would be awful but she had no marks at all and I had been monitoring.

Nothing is her fault.

We tried to get referred to camhs but got nowhere. School see this lovely child who can't do enough for them.

But honestly she's gone from a lovely girl who we spent lots of times together to making me ill.

[Mumofteendom]

*told off.

[TabbyTigger]

Sorry to all of you going through awful times often it’s got little to do with parents (mumchanges - I imagine your DD’s knob of a father being absent is far more responsible than you. Being a teen is tricky, being a teen with a parent who doesn’t care is more than twice as tricky.) so try not to be too hard on yourselves. Good luck x

[user1499506460]

I just had a huge go at my daughter and said that the family life I envisaged for us all is just a fantasy as no-body gives a f8ck ! Feel like it's all slipping through my fingers.

[user1499506460]

My daughter moans about everything and these last two days I have lost the plot twice and screamed at her, then she is in tears?! So we had a chat and I said to her the life she watches on social media videos is not real, Zoella does not have a perfect cocking life and Shana in Australia does not give a toss about her..her family do and she needs to hold on to what she has here as that is what is real..we have paid extra money to bring her up as an organic vegetarian with no fizzy drinks to limit the effect toxins can have on development but I think moody teens are what they are..my dad used to take us camping and walk us for miles in the countryside and we have done the same but this christmas holiday so far has been crap...so day after boxing day we are going to a forest in chichester to tire her out it;s like having the terrible twos (which we didn't experience!) She has now happily gone off to the cinema with her equally moody friend...grrrr. I had to beg her to try to have a happy christmas as her Dad is off work as of tonight..so we decided that if I say 'Harry Potter' she needs to go to her room as I am about to loose the plot....Merry Christmas all those of you out there struggling with this..it will all be worth it in the end???

[emss55]

Omg wozzle I could have written your post. My DS also 17 has put us under huge pressure over past 2 years. We have been at youth court with him details too distressing to go into but all caused thro drugs and alcohol. I have cried buckets over him and still do.He too was a clever boy predicted to do well at his gcse's then passed 2. Went to college to do music gave that up as he said it was boring and by this time was in with a bad lot drink and drugs every weekend. Now at college again doing painting and decorating only cos friends were doing it. Since court tells me he has given up drugs but im worried as still with same friends so pressure is bound to be there. He is rude and unfriendly until he wants something then very nice to me. His room is just a mess I refuse to tidy it anymore. I just hope one day the boy i had will come back but right now we Dh and I keep trying to get through to him. Will always love him but right now I don't like him. Goodluck with yours I honestly feel your pain and it's the worst feeling for any parent and especially a mum.

[Itcanonlygetbetter72]

ginorwine - I just cut off I make no conversation with him and have now stopped cooking for him as he would rather he fast food his choice and told him I am not cooking for him, the past weekend he has been home once, missed college today and has found the taste of alcohol with his work friends. We have told him to pack his stuff and leave like you I feel very anxious when he is here. if he does not go before his 18th birthday in October we will be throwing him out on that day come what may and it will be the happiest day of my life.