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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Teenager doesn't come out of her room

16 replies

Helly12 · 01/06/2017 13:41

My 16 year old daughter spends all her time in her room, only coming out for meals. She has no social life and spends all her time talking to people on gaming websites. She says she is happier in her own and doesn't want to go out, she never wants to come out or do anything with me anymore. Is this normal?! My eldest daughter was the complete opposite and I could never keep her in as she always wanted to be with her friends. She is never any trouble to me, works really hard at school and is very intelligent, am I worrying over nothing? Is it right for a teenager to be so insular?

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JustDanceAddict · 01/06/2017 21:13

My slightly younger DD is a lesser version of this. She begrudgingly went to a friend's party on the weekend - and of course she had fun! I think sometimes the effort is just too much if you're not generally sociable or if you're introverted. DD will come out of her room though and chat/argue with DS if he's about and she'll talk to me.
Has your DD always been like this or is it recent? I'd be more concerned if it was recent than her 'natural' state/personality.

Ditsy1980 · 01/06/2017 21:19

Swap books and reading for gaming and that was me at 16. That was just the way I was. As PP said, if it's recent change then I would be worried but if she's always been like that it will just be the way she is.
When I left school, went to a-level college and turned 17 though it was a different story!

JustDanceAddict · 01/06/2017 21:26

Ditsy - what made you change from staying in and reading to going out? Did you meet people you clicked with or just fancy going out more? I'm genuinely interested.

barrygetamoveonplease · 01/06/2017 21:27

Sounds normal to me.

Epipgab · 01/06/2017 21:30

I can see why you'd be concerned. Can you limit the gaming sessions so that at least she won't be on the internet all the time?

BobbinThreadbare123 · 01/06/2017 21:38

That was me, except for the gaming. I grew out of it, mostly. ASD and introversion. I still like my own company above all others. I did start having more fun and friends in 6th Form though.

Helly12 · 01/06/2017 22:06

Thanks for the input, it's made me feel better. She has always been like it really, would rather be with me at home than with friends. It just hard when they don't want to spend time with you anymore. I guess you worry about them whatever they do... if it's going out to much or never going out 🙄

OP posts:

MrsDoylesTeabags · 01/06/2017 22:10

Sounds normal to me, if she's talking to people on gaming sites then that's kind of social. But you're right you worry when they go out and you worry when they stay in.

Tracetheface · 01/06/2017 22:13

Don't worry. I'm parenting my fourth teenager here and all the boys have been like that and the two eldest are perfectly well rounded grown ups! Be around, nip in and out but honestly this too shall pass...

dglv · 01/06/2017 22:25

I'll admit I was very much the same as a young teen (but books not games!). The game changer though was when we got a dog, we ended up spending a lot more family time together and although I still wasn't socialising a lot, I was drawn out of my room to play with the pup!

Blanketdog · 01/06/2017 22:40

Make sure meals are around the table with no tv, no phones....just chat.

Ditsy1980 · 02/06/2017 10:50

justdanceaddict I think when I started a-level college I met different friends who I clicked more with. I also preferred being able to go to pubs rather than hang around parks etc which was all there was to do where I grew up. I still spent all my spare time in my room though! So I'd be reading all week, going out Thurs/Fri/Sat, hungover Sunday. I love my family and we're very close but I just liked my own space.

JustDanceAddict · 02/06/2017 14:58

Thanks Ditsy. She is wanting to change at sixth form, but it might be 'grass is greener' scenario as sixth form is generally quite different to the rest of the school and will have a new intake. I can see why she wants a change though to a different type of setting.
Oh well, she's gone out today to meet a friend, so she's got out of the house for a bit!

Ditsy1980 · 02/06/2017 17:54

It might be just the change she needs. Especially with a new intake so new friends to meet. I also enjoyed my subjects at a-level so even a suggestion to meet in the refectory and discuss the course was something I'd take up whereas at school I would have just gone home afterwards.
At least she's gone out today!

JustDanceAddict · 03/06/2017 13:13

I am hoping that, Ditsy. We are going to look next term at open days. The college she's interested in is very over subscribed so she needs to do well in her mocks to have a chance - plus also perform well at interview! I think a change will be good.

forcryinoutloud · 07/06/2017 18:53

Don't worry. I'm parenting my fourth teenager here and all the boys have been like that and the two eldest are perfectly well rounded grown ups! Be around, nip in and out but honestly this too shall pass... ...boy am I glad to hear that as a mum of 18 yr old DS who loves gaming much more than studying ...

Glad you have got some reassurance OP, I worry about mine, whatever they do, stay in or go out!!

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