My two teenage sons and the nightmare of school mornings!

[Bookworm13]

PLEASE can I get some advice?!

We have two teenage sons (16 and 13) and since the summer, they have been a nightmare getting up in the morning for school - especially the younger one.

They are always in bed at 10pm Sun-Thurs (they have to be ready for bed before that) and we don't allow them to take techy stuff into their rooms at bedtime, as I know they would be on it.

I am sick of having to repeatedly shout upstairs every school morning for them to get up and the last two mornings, they have both almost been late.
It's getting to the stage where I'm starting to dread weekday mornings, cos it's like Groundhog Day over and over!
I don't want to treat them like babies but I'm so bloody annoyed, I was going to suggest they go to bed a bit earlier than 10pm, to see if a bit extra sleep might make them stir themselves.
I'm probably kidding myself but it has been going on constantly for months and I'm at my wits end!
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

[Silverdream]

Put a very loud alarm clock by their door so they have to get up to switch it off. Have it set to go off every 5 mins so if they go back to bed it goes again. Have each boys set at slightly different times so they get it twice. Say this only stops when they get themselves up.
Also let them be late and take the rap.

[PleaseNotTrump]

Stay in bed and let them make the mistake of being late and getting into trouble. They are nearly adults ...

[MysticTwat]

Draylon

I'm sorry but I just don't buy the it will scupper chances later on.

Also most dc once late don't like to repeat it. If a chils is disengaging in school life then there is usually more to it.

Over anxious parents nagging, shouting and fussing isn't helping a dc grow independent. A little responsibility of getting up by yourself and leaving the house on time, will not lead to unemployment or a dead-end job.

Rushing into registration at the last moment. Isn't being late is it?

[mathanxiety]

Love to know how it went...

They should have their own alarm clocks and you should not wake them. Let them walk to school and face the consequences if late.

Imo the one thing most likely to scupper a young person's chance of success is as Mystic says - 'Over anxious parents nagging, shouting and fussing' who have taken ownership of the process away from their children who of course are 'disengaged'.

Executive function and related skills are the ones that make the difference. They have to be practiced and the only way to manage that is for the parent to back off.

[anklebitersmum]

Early to bed, early to rise as the saying goes

Small biters, 7-11, in bed for 1930-2000 whilst the biggest biter, 17, is in bed & lights out voluntarily by 2100-2130 school nights.

All have alarms and are up, fed, washed, dressed and good to go by 0645.

I guess you need to re-train them and let them learn that whilst they can choose their actions they can't choose the consequences

[HistoriaTrixie]

I have DC 15 and 17 and both of them have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. I will not be their personal alarm clock, though, and they're finally at the point where they've got it figured out (helps that DC17 served the second of five lunch detentions today). They have a set bedtime, they don't have electronics in their room, they do have new, easy-to-operate alarm clocks, and school is less than a mile away. They know what they have to do and it's up to them to do it, basically.

And it sounds kind of hard-assed when I read back over it, but really it's not. I still care, but I'm choosing not to engage for the health of the family unit. If we have to chivvy and chase one of them it starts the day off on a bad note for all four of us. This way the consequences fall solely on whichever one of them is late for school.

Of course if they just flat refused to get up and go to school altogether, barring illness I'd be tempted to march them up to the school in an arm-bar. Luckily that hasn't been an issue .

[Sofabitch]

I've never woken my teenage Ds's. If they are late then it's their problem. (They have never been late) I think by pandering and spending all morning yelling at them you are enabling them to shirk the responsibility. It becomes your issue.

Buy them an alarm clock and leave them to it.

[nooka]

I can see an employer taking someone on straight out of sixth form college being interested in attendance at college. I really can't see them caring if the child had been late at 12 or 13, or indeed how the college would even know their tardiness record from their younger teenage years.

My ds gets up fine on his own but then faffs around until the last minute. My dd struggles to wake up but can get ready in about 5 mins if needed. dd gets a knock on the door when dh comes back from walking the dog, and another one if she's not up and about when I have my shower. They both get one yell when I'm ready to go to work (their school is on the way). I've told them if they aren't ready by the time I want to go they can wait for the next bus. Hasn't happened yet.

The trouble is with nagging them all the time is that you become the snooze. They know you won't let them be late so they rely on you and stay in bed until the last possible moment (I can understand the temptation!)

[MysticTwat]

But draylon how do you know your dc is 'chronically late' type if you don't allow him to take that responsibility?

and if you do and they really don't care enough to not be late so are then actually 'chronically late', then as I said before there is probably other issues going on, That you should maybe look at.

[diamondsforapril]

As much as I loved my dad, I did find his insistence I woke up when he did (at 6 ) annoying.

If they aren't actually late but just in a rush, well no real harm done.

Some kids in my form are often late, it isn't that big a deal.

[MysticTwat]

I wrote a post and lost it.

I was also that teen, cajoled, nagged, shouted at, covers ripped off ect. I also grew out of it........once my mum gave up! And I ended up walking 5 miles to school and being seriously late.(three times)
I miraculously 'matured' over night as if by magic! I was 15 and unsurprisingly it never went on my 'permanent' record.

Teens do need more sleep, their body clocks do change to more night owls.
But they can get up given that responsibility. Weekends are the time they are allowed to sleep as long as they want.

No one on this thread is saying that we don't give a toss, and we would let our dc be persistently late.
Just in our experience, once they have been late a couple of times, they seem to 'mature' (as you put it) and manage to get up and out.

if they are then persistently late, then time to step in. I would personally start with finding out why.

[mathanxiety]

I have no positive reinforcement to offer. They get themselves up and off to school, using their phones as alarm clocks. Their school allows them three unexcused tardies before they get a detention. I don't call to excuse them if they haven't got up in time. I really believe that getting to school on time is a problem that is theirs to solve.

I do allow a few 'mental health days' for each of them every school year though. If they say they just need a day off, that is fine with me. So far nobody has abused that (youngest DC is half way through high school at this point. I usually had two or three requests per year from each of them.

[MysticTwat]

mathanxiety
I do the same, re days off.
Just never given them a name. Though 'mental health days' hits the nail on the head. They are rarely requested.

They don't get to go on games or anything, just sleep, relax, read a book, homework/revise or just watch telly.

[mathanxiety]

That's what mine have always done too. I found DS watching 'Curious George' one afternoon at age 16.

[nooka]

Draylon, sure there is an incentive to go in with me in the car, if they don't there's no one checking when they get the bus as that won't be for another 45 mins or so and dh and I will be long gone. If they miss their ride they miss most of their first lesson and we'll probably get an automated call about it in the evening if they don't get signed in for their class. I don't think their school does detentions.

[Bensyster]

It feels to me that giving your teen personal responsibility in a gradual and increasing way, is a better gentler approach than giving them a baptism of fire when they arrive at university with no self regulating skills. I wonder is there any research to back this up - either way?

[TalkingofMichaelAngel0]

Do you think they are all still asleep?

[VirtuallyMe]

My DS is heading this way - this is what works for us ..... for now anyway :

Alarm set for 6.30am

Five minutes later i go in to the room - lights switched on and i literally pull the duvet off him and chuck it on the floor.

If he hasnt showered the night before then i demand he showers in the morning - this is often met with typical teenage shower dodging language .... most mornings i win that one!

I do have to rally him around and unfortunately as he gets the school bus he only has one shot in the morning of catching it in time - otherwise i would have to drive him to school ....... therefore i really can't let him be late ... no direct route to school i dont think anyway ... but maybe i should see if there is a public bus ((off to google that now)

[AnnieWithanee]

Definitely let them be late and face the consequences. Did it with mine recently and they were both up and on it on time for the next week or two.
I'm not expecting it to last forever but enjoying the relatively peaceful mornings for now.

You don't need too take on thier stress!

[papayasareyum]

there's one school bus in the morning and no other way to get there except me driving her in, which is a 60 minute round trip. That's why I feel I have no choice but to cajole and nag her awake every morning

[SilenceOfThePrams]

There is another way to school - taxi.

And costs of said taxi to be reimbursed from pocket money and odd jobs and otherbthingscwgat will impinge on social life.

Or if Mum's Taxi really is the only other option, then apart from a one off, I'd start rationing my trips. One ride to school = 1 ride no longer available into town/to see friends.