Family time with teens- what do you do?

[BzyB]

Just looking some ideas! We aren't into shopping, and I have some restrictions doing activities as I'm 8m pregnant but in desperate need to reconnect with my dd ( who would rather just play her phone :( )

[unlucky83]

At that age my DD loved it when I took her to the cinema to the late night viewing. The films finish at around 11.30. They are on Sat night and the cinema is an independent one and there is a bar/restaurant/arts centre in the same building so there are bouncers on the door. And it is near the town centre so lots of people around but not so late that it is really rowdy/lots of drunks. She thought it was a real adventure -and we had something to talk about in the car on the way home ...
Only problem was finding suitable films as most of them were at least 15s (we watched the hunger game series).
Also we have the piano and guitar in my office ...when she gets home from school, she will often mess around with the instruments so if I just happen to be sitting at my desk (working ) - we can have a chat. I know if there is something troubling her/she wants to talk about cos she will come straight in rather than make a drink/snack etc first. But apart from asking her how her day has been I don't say much else until she starts to talk.
Also DD2 now has an activity straight after their music lesson - I could drop her off and drive DD1 home and then go back but I only get 10 mins at home so it isn't really worth it -so we mess around together - go to local shops, sit in the car and chat...shame the cafe is closed by then (before I used to listen to Radio 4 on the car radio and maybe read a book - I miss it -a bit of me time- but it is good as an enforced catch up time too )
And recently she just came and helped me tidy up the garden - mainly cos she wanted to use the shredder....

[CointreauVersial]

We have the odd day out - go into London, a bit of shopping, wander around, maybe do a couple of touristy things, stop for lunch/cake/ice cream. It's the one thing that brings all of my teens (13 to 16) together.

[mathanxiety]

Start up Pinterest accounts and pin to humour/ funny cat/ fashion/dream holiday (etc) boards. Follow each other, and you can send pins to each other. It's a nice way to keep you in her radar even if she's on her phone.

Game apps on the phone.

TV/Netflix - I think you should try not to twitch and just do this.

(^^You need to meet her half way - if she has never expressed an interest in the sort of huge projects her friends have accomplished, then this might be too ambitious to begin with. Plus you will have a baby soon.)

Get her involved in some activity and go to cheer her on. Even cheerleading can be fun and active. It doesn't have to be a contact sport. Drama clubs are nice too.

Cooking together - get her to cook one meal per week for the family, or produce a nice dessert. You can pass on tips and give encouragement.

Teaching a leftie to knit or crochet is possible - there are videos on YouTube where you can teach yourself to do it backwards left handed. I have one leftie out of five and taught her this way. It took me about two hours to get the movements automatic, and then I was able to sit down with DD4 and guide her. The problem with leaving her in front of a video to figure it out herself was that she would click on other stuff when the video was over, and forget to knit and crochet.

[t875]

We play board games
Bake
Watched gbbo
15 and 12 yr old girls.
X factor.
Up the shops
Cinema
Park
Games apps on the phone candy crush etc.

[EATmum]

My DD1 aged 14 (and DD2, 12) always want to sew if I am sewing. Kind of need to studiously ignore them though and only offer help if they ask. Which is hard.

[Turbinaria]

Make a scrap book with her about her. Track down those photos of her at different stages and ages, any adventures/holidays/ special times you've had together and put a note besides them. Her favourite foods/ hobbies/ friends/music. Significant events such as starting school/ moving house etc.
I think at 13 she is moving onto another stage of life and it would be nice for her to have a momento of When she was younger.

[PepsiPenguin]

Loads of videos on how to crochet, maybe you could try and learn together if you don't already know? I know it will be difficult with your condition but even if you can't do very much (I have EDS and sometimes knitting which I love is near on impossible) you could maybe help guide her through the steps whilst watching videos on line?

I had a much younger brother when I was 13, similar age gap to your DC and one of my fondest memories was once a week (mum was a hard working SP) was he would be put to bed, i had a nice bath and had my PJ's on I was also on that night allowed to use my mums "posh" bubbles. We would move chairs to be closer to the telly (long time ago when telly were the size of iPads lol) and either do knitting, cards or watch something very unsuitable (it never was that unsuitable just a bit more grown up and certainly not for little children!) it was always accompanied by either chocolate, ice cream or cheese and crackers. I used to really look forward to those nights.

You need to maybe find a tradition you both enjoy, ask her what she would like to do.

[BzyB]

Thanks so much for all the great ideas! Today I was practicing a fishbraid hairstyle in front of the hall mirror ( id never actually wear this style but I knew she would know how to do it) and she came over and helped me. Was a nice ( if not a bit sneaky) way to get her to actually communicate with me. Didn't get a full ten min chat in, but it's opened a door and I've scribbled some of your ideas in my notebook to refer to quickly. ( she has ADD so i need to act quickly to catch her in the mood!)
Haven't played a board game with her since her little sister got really mobile and stopped sleeping- yet we both really enjoy them so must see what we can work out.
Just before bed she asked me to teach her to crochet - I'm not sure I can because I have carpal tunnel syndrome atm AND she's left handed so it might get confusing but have saved a few YouTube videos and will watch them with her. :)
Oh, also got a few bath bomb etc recipes to try out with her. :)

[JustDanceAddict]

Things I do with my 14 yr old
Go shopping
Go out for lunch just us 2
Dance around the room
Do some beauty stuff together
Watch a film on Netflix
Look at old photos/videos
baking

[frenchfancy]

The photos is a good idea - I bet if you got out her baby photos out to put in an album she would join in. It might reconnect with her the idea that you are her baby too.

[Salutarychoring]

So sorry that should have read Yvaine not Yvonne!

[Salutarychoring]

YY to what Yvonne said about "casual presentation" of activities. DD is more inclined to join in if I am just sat there doing it anyway rather than when I say " right, shall we try this" (which tends to provoke sighs and eye-rolling).

[Salutarychoring]

Dh and I play board games with our 13 yr old dd which, surprisingly, she loves. She also likes quick quizzes made up by us (flags of the world, spelling bee type questions).

I also bake and cook with her a lot; she chooses the recipe and leads the process. Ditto jewellery making and art activities. (Tried to encourage sewing but she runs a mile!)

None of this is done very formally or to a particularly high level, we dabble a lot and she'll join in when she is interested. Craft and jigsaw type activities are good for providing activities for the hands, while we are sat side by side, which provides an opportunity for conversation/re-connecting.

[stripeyreds0cks]

My Dd is 13 and we've found a series on Netflix we both like so watch one or two episodes of that a week together (which I then have to rewatch as she blethered over it).
I've also noticed she talks to me in the car about things she usually wouldn't at home so I've upped the amount of lifts I give her a bit.
It's hard

[Ireallydontseewhy]

I second tv - maybe something like a Friendsathon, starting from the beginning? should last you a couple of years! (Unless you are one of the mn lot who don't like any of the Friends characters on revisiting!).
Or just going out for a pizza and chatting about nothing much?

[YvaineStormhold]

Meme creating.

Scrabble.

Music nights - either on YouTube or whatever medium you choose - you take it in turns to play a song to each other and the other one HAS to listen to it without prejudice. Can be a good horizon-broadener.

Look at photos together - maybe make an album. Kids love listening to stories about when photos of them were taken, etc.

Spa night. Don't worry about makeup, etc - skincare, face masks etc don't take any skill.

Cards. My youngest DS is usually up for a game of blackjack.

Knitting. Apparently it's quite cool now.

I often find that if I just casually start doing something (e.g. the photos) the teens will join in. Some of our best together times have been quite spontaneous. Whereas if you start making a big thing of 'family time', it scares them off

[Lilaclily]

Could you take her to see Bridget Jones baby at the weekend and then for pizza after

[AllieinWonderland]

GetMeOut snap with Dance Moms!

[GetMeOut]

My Dd will deign to play cards with me ( rummy ) and will watch Bake off together. She also got me into 'Dance Moms' and 'Say yes to the Dress'

[AllieinWonderland]

Also DD has shown me lots of crafts you YouTube videos - maybe ask if she wants to do one of those? I can PM links if you'd like?

[AllieinWonderland]

I have two very different teenage DDs.

The older one and I are very similar - we can talk for hours about anything and everything. The younger one, however, is constantly on her phone (social media), but loves makeup/films/shopping and photography.

Some things we've done together that might work for you:
Get together loads of fashion magazines and cut out various pictures to stick on boards for her room, or just in notebooks/ plan our own "fashion show" using the images.
She educates me about celebrity gossip and shows me YouTube videos and laughs at how little I know.
We put in music and sing along loudly and dance it cheers her up seeing how dopey her mum is/ shouting angry songs.
And as everyone has suggested - maybe a pamper/film night? Like face masks, make up, and then watch a film.

Fruit skewers are always quite popular with our kids and are pretty simple to do - you could just let her buy as many fruits as she wants and stick them all on a stick, then maybe even do a sort of "Hawaiian" theme? Like fruit juice with little cocktail umbrellas, flower garlands, music as well? (Disclaimer: I know nothing about Hawaii. Simply going off the stereotypes.)

[frenchfancy]

What about playing games with her? Chess, backgammon and cribbage are all popular with our teens.

[BzyB]

I've tried asking her ragwort, but it's usually " have a movie night" which translates to me watching Harry Potter again. It was ok the first time but After the second time I get really twitchy.
I think ideally something about self care that isn't necessarily about makeup, and something active and non food related that I can do now....
Just interested in what other people do.
One of her friends families have 2 sons and they built a boat together. Like an actual climb in and go for a cruise about kinda boat. And they do cool stuff ( well, geeky cool) stuff like a self designed family crest. I would love to have great ideas like that!

[corythatwas]

I never used to be a TV person but I have made an effort over the years to watch some things with ds that I wouldn't necessarily have watched on my own (football, thrillers) and it has paid off, both in the sense that we have something that is shared between us and in the sense that I have had my horizons broadened, never a bad thing. Also gone with him to football matches. I think it is a good message to give a teenager that "I am interested enough in you to want to learn something new because it is important to you". (Eventually you hope they will do you the same courtesy back but you can't rely on that). So think about what she enjoys and choose what seems most bearable to you.

[Ragwort]

Ask her .............................. it is very, very hard; my teenage DS and I have very little in common and trying to find something to do with DH, DS and myself for our last day of the summer holiday was impossible - in the end we left DS at home as he would rather meet up with his mates. .

I agree that watching tv with a teenager is tortuous.

Looking back, I rarely did much with my parents at that age.