Not really sure what I expect to get from this probably very garbled post, but I need to get it all down somewhere!
Basically, I have a 'nearly 13' daughter and I don't know what to do with her! Her Dad and I divorced some years back and she lives with me, my partner and her younger brother (same Dad). She started having problems about 5 years ago when she was bullied at primary school and she then had play therapy with a counsellor, which seemed to help. Further bullying ensued from another source and she now seems to be a magnet to this. Anyway, this history has changed her over the years and she seems to be on a constant spiral downwards.
She finds it hard to 'fit in', especially with girls as she is not in to what most girls her age are interested in (fashion, make up, nails, hairstyles etc). Because she prefers to wear sports clothes and trainers and couldn't care less what she looks like, this gets her a fair bit of negative attention. She is, and always has been, incredibly bright and was always in the top percentage of her class for most subjects at primary, but truly believes she is a 'dunce'and nothing convinces her otherwise! She is in Yr 7 at the moment and seems to be constantly picked on. She walks with her head down and seems to have no zest left! She has been seeing a counsellor for the last 4 months as she decided to stop seeing her Father some time ago and it brought everything to a head. It seems to help a little, but nothing drastic.
I really am at my wit's end and feel so detached from her. We had such a fantastic Mum/child relationship for so long and she was the most popular child in her class for a few years in primary school. I can see she is just basically unhappy. She says she hates herself and has also said she wishes she had never been born. She did scratch her arm with a compass a few weeks ago and I also read a text she had sent a 'friend'saying she had self-harmed! This in itself just breaks my heart. Her early childhood was so happy and I put so much in to her, she was such a joyful child and I feel like she has gone and been replaced. There is also a part of me that feels massively guilty, because I feel cheated of the person I always thought she was going to be. I know that is selfish, but I can't help it. Life just feels so damn hard at the moment, like firefighting or trying to bail out the water quick enough to stay afloat. I think of her earlier years and it just makes me cry. I just don't know what I did wrong and feel like I can never get the good back.
Thanks for reading this epic, like I said, not sure where it will get me, but at least I have put it down now.
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At my wit's end, tearful and feeling guilty because I feel cheated!
29 replies
Persephone70 · 21/06/2016 16:56
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