No boys or upset friends mother?

[1stworldproblemss]

My daughter and step daughter, both 16, had their last exam today and have their leavers assembly Friday and then they are finished with school!! Other than collecting results, their "graduation" if you want to call it that and the 2 years minimum of college they have to do of course haha.

To celebrate exams ending and the long 5 hellish year of school finally being over they are having a party on Saturday. I said a max of 10-15 friends each but being at the same school, in the same year and having serval classes together they have a few of the same friends so I'm not sure how many are actually going to be there.

There will be alcohol, all parents I've spoken to are okay with this and will supply their children with alcohol they feel is appropriate. My eldest son,19 and his girlfriend,18 will be supervising which they are okay with as they have a good relationship with the girlfriend and it's better than having parents around I trust they will make sure everything goes smoothly. My other son,18 and step son,17 will be around the house some where and free to join the party if they want to party with 16 year olds. Me and my partner will be at a "party" of our own at a friends house down the street until the party ends about 1am.

As the party is going on quite late some parents can't do lifts and as me and partner will be drinking and possibably all my other children will have had 1 or 2 drinks none of us will be able to do lifts either, we decided to allow a few kids to stay the night. They have planned to get the bedding off their bed and get together all spare bedding, pillows and blankets together and all have a sleepover in the lounge. Not that that bit was really relevant haha

So far we have 4 girls and 3 boys staying the night. One of the boys is my step daughters boyfriend and the 2 others are his friends who are staying so it isn't 1 boy and 6 girls.

Problem is my daughters best friends mum has text me this evening to say she is not comfortable with the boys being there for the sleepover. I replied and told her this has been the plan for ages and she was aware, it might be a bit late to tell the boys they can no longer stay but I do understand her worries. I explained to her that it will be 9 of them all together all on the living room floor so nothing dodgy should happen. She has said she will not stop her daughter going to the party or sleeping over as she doesn't want to be a party pooper but she will be extremely upset if the boys still stay after she has told me she is unhappy. She is a pretty chilled out mum, she allows sleepovers between our daughters almost every non school night and is relaxed about most things so for her to text me and say this it must mean a lot to her.

Her daughter and mine have been close friends for the longest time so the mum is a close friend of ours and I would hate to cause trouble. But I also don't want to upset any of the boys and their parents. My step daughter would be pretty upset too as this was going to be her first sleepover with her boyfriend as my rule for boyfriend/girlfriend sleep overs is 16+ and left school. So I'm at a bit of a loss what to do. Like I said, this has been the plan for about a month now and I know her mum knew this so why has she only expressed her concerns 2 days before

She lives close by so if needs be me, my partner or one of my sons could walk her home. My eldest son has told me he is happy to walk with my daughter and her friend back to friends house but then she might feel left out from sleepover. The boys are able to get a lift home so they could go and it just be a girls sleepover and then step daughter has her boyfriend to sleep over the next night as their won't be school the next day. But again I don't want to exclude them from a sleepover they were invited too.

Ahh I'm just so confused haha! Please any one offer me advice on what to do!

Bit of a long one this, sorry! Thank you.

[HSMMaCM]

Glad it went well. DD and her friends have generally been lovely in party situations.

[1stworldproblemss]

It all went okay! My sons girlfriend text me about an hour before we were due to be home to let me know she had to get one girls parents to pick her up as she was being sick but other than that no problems.

Most of the girls who were staying were more my daughters friends than my step daughters so her and her boyfriend decided they were just sleep upstairs whilst my daughter and her friends stayed downstairs meaning 2 of the boys didn't stay and the one who did wasn't in the room.

We did speak to friends mum when she dropped her here to make sure everything was okay and if not try arrange a way for her to get home. She said she realised she was being stupid, she didn't mind when we went on holiday and she shared a room with 2 of my sons so she shouldn't care now. Although to me that seems like a totally different situation

So no problems, all went fine and daughters and their friends woke up about 2 hours ago and helped tidy up the mess!

[ClashCityRocker]

Sounds like a blast. There will probably be some groping and shagging but it's unlikely to be a fully fledged orgy.

If friends mum was that bothered she could have just picked her up.

I think you're brave not being around to supervise, but presumably your older kids could easily get in touch should things get out of hand.

[JustDanceAddict]

I went to mixed sleepovers from aged nearly 16 & there was always some sort of 'sexual activity', never full-on afaik, but not just kidding either. And there wasn't much drink around either.

[Onfleek]

How did the party go?

[Wondermum81]

Let us know how everything goes OP :)

[audreyharley]

OP I hope they have a fantastic time, ignore the bigots who's precious Harriet and Hilary will not be attending any party involving alcohol, oh no. And imagine allowing BOYS to sleep over too? Because unisex parties immediately mean sex. It sounds like a fun party and you sound like a fantastic parent.

[tribpot]

I think she's just not prepared to be the bad guy in front of a stroppy teen.

[1stworldproblemss]

I spoke to her this afternoon when I gave daughter and her friend a lift to pick some stuff up for a sleepover tonight. I told her I can't change the plans and risk upsetting anyone so it's her call to make. She's decided she will allow her daughter to stay now.

Think maybe she was just looking for a bit of attention perhaps

[Orac]

They are 16 not 6!
Most Year 11s have a leaver's /after prom party. Around here (rural) it's usually in a field somewhere with tents.
They'll be fine. Let them let their hair down. Mine went to lots of parties / mixed sleepovers from 13 to 17.

I suspect you are unusual in actually speaking to the parents of party guests. At this age I have never had a parent call me about anything.

I think this girl's mother is expecting you to make her parenting decision for her. If she doesn't want her DD to go she should say no. She cannot dictate the rules at someone else's house.

[SausagesAndMashed]

My youngest DD went to many mixed sleepover parties when she was 15/16/17, and saw nothing more that a few being sick, and people kissing. DD would usually share a sleeping bag with her best friend (male) as they were strictly platonic, had known each other years, and he'd help her calm down if she got anxious (often did when staying away from home) . You shouldn't just assume that because there are a group of people who have had some drinks that sex will be an automatic result. Clearly OP's had conversations with her DD's about sex, and have mentioned that they're on the pill. Surely it's down to the best friends mother to do the same with her DD, and advise her not to have sex at the party. Assuming that non-consensual sex will occur is also ridiculous, and labeling teenage boys as predators. For all we know the group of boys could be total gentlemen, and utterly respectful of girls and OP's home. Surely if they're loutish or of unsavoury character then this will become apparent while the party is still going on a people are drinking? Just because several posters have had experience with random hook-ups every other weekend, doesn't mean anything will happen at this party.

[namechangeparents]

Are they really likely to have sex when there are 9 of them in the room ?

And if you are supplying the alcohol presumably there won't be too much of it, so they can have a couple of beers and that will be it?

Can't see the issue either.

Girl's mum can collect her daughter.

[Keithyoustink]

We live in the middle of nowhere so mixed sleep overs were fairly common. When they were 16 and younger I used to have boys in the living room and girls upstairs. No-one seemed to mind and, having overheard one boy using high pressure sales techniques to try and persuade his very reluctant girlfriend to have sex with him, I think some may have even appreciated this opportunity to escape.

[GeorgeTheThird]

And no bowl of condoms! It'll look like you're planning an orgy.

[GeorgeTheThird]

Mixed sleepovers happen in my DS's social circle. I've never been too concerned. She needs to forego her wine and collect her daughter if she's not happy, not expect you to sort it out. Ridiculous.

[Penfold007]

I think your either very laid back or very naive. An unsupervised party for 30 in your own home where you will be supplying alcohol to minors, a sleepover and a pic n mix of condoms.
That said its up to the other mother to speak to her daughter.

[youarenotkiddingme]

I think your attitude is right. They are 16 - if they are going to have sex they are going to do it regardless of any set up you provide. And it's unlikely they'd do it in a room full of mates

At that age it was common for me to be at lounge floor sleepovers with a mixture of boys/girls where a few may currently have been in a relationship. When altogether we acted like a group of mates - the couples were only couply when not with us.

[HSMMaCM]

DD has had and been to several mixed 'gatherings'. All parents knew and were happy about it. Judging by the fact that some of them share sleeping bags, there was probably sex. The bowl of condoms sounds sensible (you'll probably find some condom balloons in the morning too).

[clarrrp]

Only 2 out of 9 people are a couple and at 16 surely they dont have random hook ups?

Oh my dear, the stories I could tell you :)

[Heyho111]

I'd say it's all arranged and that she is welcome to pick her D up after the party if she doesn't want her to stay.

[BackforGood]

Just adding my voice to those saying this isn't your issue, it's the other Mum's. Up to her if she chooses to either collect her dd, or stop her coming, but not your responsibility to get her home, nor should you change the plans because of her worries.

I'm also going to agree with you OP and disagree with the posters saying there will be sex just because a group of people are bedding down in the same room. When I was young our (mixed) group of friends regularly stayed over at other peoples houses like this, and, as others had said it's the best contraceptive going. Am somewhat at the very thought of people having sex in front of all their school mates - I mean, really ?
My dc (20 and 17) tell me the same is true now - they'd feel completely safe and comfortable all kipping down together with mates after a party.

[Ineedanapasap]

You're doing something really nice for your kids, don't cancel anything. If the mum is unhappy then she can deal with her own daughter.

My 2 sons, 16 and 18 both say the same as PP, kissing, touching etc happens but sexual intercourse is vey rare.

[1stworldproblemss]

Theres always a box of tissues in the lounge so all good on that front.

Although I agree that they would say there won't be sex regardless I do believe them. I have 3 other boys who have had serval parties over the last 3 years, many of which I have been around for and there has never been anything too suspicious going on.

[Wondermum81]

i agree with everyone else, it is up to the mum to deal with her daughter not you. I would text her and say you can not stop the boys staying as it will create more problems, if she isn't comfortable with her daughter staying then she can arange for her to get home.

[katienana]

I would put a big box of tissues in the living room, I think hand jobs are the most likely scenario here.
The posters whose kids are saying there wouldn't necessarily be sex - they would say that wouldn't they!
When I was 16 (not that long ago) we used to go clubbing and get taxis home. Anyone not happy with your set up can ring a taxi or even book one in advance. I'd still go ahead with the plan it sounds a lot safer than the nights out I was going on back in 2000!