up to what age do you insist on no alcohol?

[DorothyL]

I would like it to be 16, but is that unrealistic?

[Baconyum]

The studies linked to are very small and there's no indication of why the studies were carried out or who sponsored them. Vital information when assessing a study.

[DorothyL]

Who would have a vested interest in that outcome though?

[Florida41]

from the age of about 12 small glass of cider once every 2/3 months as a sat night treat , to try and teach them to drink responsible and that its not alien to them to feel the need to have to try it under pressure from outside influence,now aged 14,16 and 20 , 20 year old son hardly ever goes out to drink ,may be once every 2 months ,says it dose not really appeal to him,
16 year old daughter went to a party couple of weeks ago and took 2 cans of cider but was not overly intrested in taking much with her and was home by 11.30 .
but me and my husband are not big drinkers any way , 1 larger for husband on a sat night and a glass of cider for me and that's it .
never drink in the week unless we are on holiday ,
I do feel my kids have a good understanding of drink , don't get me wrong they are not Angels and will go out and get drunk at some point, but do understand that you don't need drink to have a good time.

[Baconyum]

Who would have a vested interest in that outcome though?

Universities wanting funding for research into alcohol over consumption in teens, alcohol abuse charities, in America in particular health insurers (eg if a teen injures themselves after a small low alcohol beer they'd try their best to use that as a reason not to pay out for an accident), conservative politicians with interests in health insurance...

[Helenluvsrob]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sorry but I've no idea how you intend to stop your teens trying alcohol till they are 16/18.

I've probably had an odd upbringing but the first time I got drunk I was 6. Not that drunk but I remember it well " would the kids like something fizzy " was a drop of champagne in a silver goblet at a friend of my godfather , whilst my parents scraped their jaws off the floor and sipped sherry! My lovely godmother auntie gave us a thimble glass of baileys every Xmas too.

We drink alcohol at the weekend at home sometimes or out with a meal , we've never forbidden it. Kids have had tasters from quite young. Ds liked red wine at 13 - and was chuffed when he was given it in a chambre d'hotel in France. The girls - well 16yr old has a gin on an Friday ( mind you I think if she ever got one that wasn't a sniff of gin in half a pint of tonic shed notice!) and eldest didn't bother till her 18th really as far as I know. I'm sure they did drink at teen parties but they never came home throwing up or comatose . I like to think they maybe had an idea what alcohol was like / did for you.... I dunno !

My only rule growing up was no alcopops or those awful sweet fruit ciders - drink some alcohol if you wish but not something fooling you into thinking it's not alcohol iyswim.

[Bunbaker]

"drink some alcohol if you wish but not something fooling you into thinking it's not alcohol iyswim."

I think that this ^^ is the main problem these days. If only "grown up" tasting alcohol was available I suspect there would be fewer teenagers getting drunk. Although I do know that you can mix any spirit with coke.

[Whathaveilost]

I really can't cope with an approach of "do what you want, I can't stop you anyway" at 14 years old!. When I use this approach it is always followed by the word 'however' meaning that they have to think about the consequences.

It seemed to work!

[bigTillyMint]

I am loving the no alcohol till 18

I think it depends a lot on your teen, their social group and what goes on/is acceptable where they live as well as how you have brought them up wrt alcohol and the "rules" you set.

I think it is easy enough to tell them not to drink anything/refuse to give them any to take to parties, etc, but they will get hold of it (from local shops if not mates) if they want to. Far better to talk to them about sensible drinking, etc and urge them to call home if there is any problem at all so that you can rescue them without a scene.

[Babycham1979]

I'm amused by all the draconian responses on here about people 'not letting' their child drink until they're XX age. I, like many others, started drinking regularly at about 14/15 and my fairly clued-up mum had no idea. In fact, I wouldn't even drink with family, even when offered, until I was about 19. They seemed to be under the impression I was teetotal.

Just because you think your children aren't doing something doesn't mean they're not.

[SoupDragon]

Sorry but I've no idea how you intend to stop your teens trying alcohol till they are 16/18.

I don't intend to. My actual expectations are that they will have some and think they can come home and me not notice. My expectations are that, having set my "boundary" they will push just past it and drink what they think they can get away with. I know my own teens and that's the kind of kids they are.

I don't police what they do, I make my expectations known and trust them not to be idiots. In return they trust me not to be a twatty mother. This is what works for my teens. DD is only 9. We will have to see what kind of teen she turns into.

[SecretSquirr3ls]

I do think its a good idea that teens learn the consequences of drinking too much and how to moderate alcohol consumption at a supervised party. How to drink sensibly and enjoy themselves amid peer pressure to get plastered; rather than wait until 18 when they get to university where there are no holds barred.
That's not to say I agree with alcohol at a party for 14 year olds.

[bigTillyMint]

"He doesn't really seem to have entered into Party Mode yet though"

EXACTLY!

Some teens will enter party mode way before others. And some may not make it into party mode at all.

It is easy enough to say no alcohol to a teen who doesn't like the taste/has no interest in trying (like 2 of DD's oldest friends), or who doesn't get the opportunity to try it with friends until they are older.

[Sugarsugar123]

I downed merry down cider and white lightening from about 13 my mum was none the wiser. The teens I know have no interest in cider they want spirits preferably vodka. Me and DD used to have a weekly argument over why I wouldn't buy it for her as "all the other mums do" I thought she was lying till one of these mums brought DD a large bottle of vodka went down here like a lead balloon. It was not a good situation at all but DD did not have a good night and seems to have put her off for the time being. I'm not sure if I live in a pretty bad area but I regularly see tons of teens drinking and smoking cannibis (I'm lucky enough to overlook the local park ).

[bigTillyMint]

Sugarsugar, it's not a class thing - it's the party drink of choice with all teens as it looks like water in a water bottle/gets you drunk much quicker than cider.

[iwashappy]

It's very hard to stop them drinking before they are eighteen.

I didn't really sanction drinking at home until my children were sixteen, although (now ex) DH didn't mind.

DD is now seventeen and I've compromised with her I suppose. I know she's going to drink, doesn't help that she's one of the youngest in her year so some of her friends are now eighteen, and just hope she's sensible with it.

There have been a few occasions when she's got drunk since she was fifteen which I'm not happy about it but she's at an age when she's going to please herself.

She's now driving and will not drink drive so I think that has helped recently.

[Baconyum]

I'd be interested to know which of those saying 'absolutely not till 18' have teens/older dc?

[iwashappy]

Bacon yes I would have preferred it to have been eighteen but it's just not realistic.

[SoWhite]

the link I posted it is said that medical professionals advise against that approach.

I do tonnes of things medical professionals advise against. Not particularly fussed about their advice as opposed to my own understanding of my kid's context and my life experience.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

I find this quite a difficult one to judge. I have 14 and 15 year old DSs. They are not out socialising with friends or partying yet, so that hasn't come up.

They have had a very weak snowball at Christmas for the last couple of years and an occasional sip of beer or wine but not their own glass.

DH and I both have a healthy attitude to alcohol. I like a glass of wine or cider from time to time and DH will have a beer or a whisky at the weekend. We tend not to drink when we are out as we are usually driving (non driver might have a drink with a meal).

However, and it is a big however, we have a history of addiction to alcohol (and gambling) in both of our families. DS1 is the less social of our two and is extremely shy/borderline aspergers, we worry that he will realise that alcohol helps him with his inhibitions and social anxiety.

So, we are a bit stuck as to whether allowing small amounts of alcohol at special occasions in order to not make it the attractive denied substance and to enable a healthy attitude is the way to go or actually whether we should not be "normalising" alcohol use at all and should actually stop drinking ourselves completely? Given that my consumption is probably about a drink a month and DH may go through 2 bottles of beer and a whisky a week, it wouldn't be a disaster to be teetotal but I don't really know if that would be better or worse an example.

[SecretSquirr3ls]

myotherusernameisbetter Interesting post. I understand the worry that a shy youngster will relish the fact that alcohol helps with social situations. It certainly does for me so I had certainly worried that my shy DC would find the same.
Unlike you though we do drink a fair bit at home. Wine a few times a week and if we go out the none driver will have a couple of beers. Nothing excessive but it's a regular feature. So far both DC seem to have struck a reasonable balance of enjoying a drink but being wary of having too much.

The trouble is that, as with all aspects of parenting, I have no idea whether this is down to my rules/influence or pure luck. Nor do I know whether it will last.

[SixtyFootDoll]

My DS is 15 and I let him take 2 cans of strongbow dark fruits to parties.
About 6 months ago I realised that his peers were drinking at parties and bringing spirits etc.
I feel it safer to allow him some alcohol of his own so that I know what he has.
I'd rather he didn't drink anything, but he will anyway.

[tilliebob]

We let the teens try every drink we've had. DS1 at neatly 17 hates them all whereas DD at 14 loves everything . She necked a glass of champagne at Hogmanay so quickly I never saw it go. Then she swiped DS1's since he didn't like it. However, she doesn't have any peer pressure to drink and has grown up knowing people can have A DRINK and that's it, not get completely pissed and out of control. I'm not sure how it'll work out when she's older though

I'd rather they try a drink in the house than be mortal in the park/a field/someone else's house. Alas, we were all teens once....