up to what age do you insist on no alcohol?

[DorothyL]

I would like it to be 16, but is that unrealistic?

[SheGotAllDaMoves]

I just skim read the Guardian piece but couldn't see that it detailed any particular risks for teens drinking moderate amounts.

I mean obviously binge drinking every weekend is bad news, but then it is for everyone.

[DorothyL]

This article makes it clearer


http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/apr/05/should-i-let-my-children-try-alcohol

[Whathaveilost]

Ever since the boys were small I never made a big deal of alcohol.
I remember DS being about 8 asking if he could try his dad's whisky.
I hesitated and let him have a sip. I got the reaction I expected 'ewe that is disgusting, how can you drink that!' He is now 19 and told me , quite a few months ago now, he remembers that and it put him off until he was about 17 as he thought all alcohol tasted like that!

Ds2 had a pint of lager when he was a month of his 16th birthday after a sport conference weekend. He was with us his team that are between 16 and 20years old and it was late into the evening. He just had the one drink. Since then he has been back on coke when we go out for meals etc.

[Baconyum]

I agree with most pp

Small controlled amounts at home from around 14, discuss the dangers and issues around drinking (sadly especially for girls this includes being more likely to end up in a position where they're vulnerable to assault), including drinking too much I just one occasion can kill.

At my dds school last summer term a girl was hospitalised due to alcohol poisoning. Terrible for the girl and her family (she's now well) but served to put a lot of the others off thank goodness.

There is a culture of certain people in dds school going to a particular local park but dd isn't friends with them thankfully but if she were I'd be restricting her movements as it were.

There are parties but dd seems to suss which are alcohol mad and which aren't and doesn't even ask to go to the former. She's not allowed to any where parents aren't supervising and that's been confirmed by the parents to me anyway.

It's difficult. You don't want a forbidden fruit set up but you don't want them thinking it's ok no matter what either.

[timeforabrewnow]

18 - simple as that.

[Sgtmajormummy]

As someone with strict teetotal parents, I started experimenting with "the demon drink" in pubs and friends' houses at the age of 12 and had reached full awareness of how to handle it by 17. Plenty of drunken incidents along the way.

As a parent and moderate social drinker I've allowed my kids to have a sip of what we're drinking at the table (wine or beer and the occasional liqueur) and a tiny drop in a big glass to toast birthdays etc. This from the age of 6 or so.

Neither child shows the slightest interest in alcohol as an act of rebellion. DS (17) has been to friends' houses and come home early because his mates were getting silly drunk.

Maybe he'll get into drinking culture at university, but I think the lack of "shock-horror" we show at home has taken the appeal away.

[elastamum]

I am one of those mums who ends up hosting the teenage parties, so here is my perspective.

I know they are going to drink and quite honestly I would rather it went on where I can keep a weather eye on things. I had 15 lower sixth for a bonfire sleepover a couple of weeks ago as part of a big family party.

We offer weak beer and cider and that's it. One of my house rules is no spirits or I will confiscate them. At the start of the evening I give them a welcome pep talk on what our house rules are. Some of them get a bit merry but thus far I have never had any trouble. My DC know they can call me in if they are worried about anyone as I am on hand and sober.

I get lovely thank yous from the teens and their parents - as they are really grateful that we host them all so they don't have to.

[SecretSquirr3ls]

My two were 16 before alcohol appeared at parties and at that point I let them take a modest amount. Between 14 and 16 i let them have a small beer or cider on holiday or special occasions.

[Whathaveilost]

timeforabrew
So what would you do if you found out they had a drink at 16 and a half?

[Bunbaker]

"18 - simple as that."

And how do you police that timeforabrew?

DD has friends whose parents think like you and these friends drink vodka. I am not so strict with DD and she doesn't feel the need to rebel. She hardly ever touches alcohol.

BTW when I was a teenager my mum insisted on no spirits at parties.

[SoupDragon]

And how do you police that

The same way you police anything to do with teens I imagine.

[MrsMolesworth]

Can't enforce what she does away from home, but in your house, your rules, so if you feel comfortable with waiting until she's 16 before you offer any, stick with that.

DC are 13 and definitely don't mix with people who drink except us but I have noticed now that they are both taller than me, relatives are asking if they want a glass or a taste. We always say no.

If they got really curious, I'd let them drink earlier than 16, tiny tasters with food on social occasions at home, just to take the excitement out of it.

[Bunbaker]

"The same way you police anything to do with teens I imagine."

Which is how, when they aren't with you?

[SoupDragon]

"The same way you police anything to do with teens I imagine."

Which is how, when they aren't with you?

Trust. I assume you have rules or don't you bother because you can't "police" them when you aren't with your teens? Do you just say "do whatever you like, I can't stop you."

[Bunbaker]

I don't need to because DD doesn't like alcohol. She did try some at the last party she went to, but didn't like it. Her best friend got very drunk and threw up all over the place, which kind of put her off the idea anyway.

I admit that I am astonished at the naivety displayed by some people on here. DD has a friend who isn't allowed to drink, but does at parties. Although, I don't know where she gets the vodka from.

[Katedotness1963]

We're in Germany and its legal from age 16 to buy beer and wine. The 16 year old gets a radler ocassionally on a Saturday evening, maybe 2. The 14 year old gets a fizzy wine/orange juice when we celebrate birthdays/Christmas/new year.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

my teens are 'allowed' to drink so it's not an issue, I don't have a need to 'police' them with that. Parents who don't allow any alcohol to be drunk may well have teens who don't volunteer the information they have had a drink, especially if they stay out at a friends house.

[Whathaveilost]

*Trust. I assume you have rules or don't you bother because you can't "police" them when you aren't with your teens? Do you just say "do whatever you like, I can't stop you."

This is more or less what I have said to mine but added ' you will have to deal with the consequences. (In other words if you act like an idiot you will be tret like an idiot, act like a decent human being and you will be tret like one)

It seemed to have worked -DS1 is 19 has a good job, nice girlfriend and do 'couple things' like weekends away to London or the Lake District and DS2 is getting great results in his mocks and his GCSEs and is doing brilliant in his sports team.

[lrb978]

Would happily let ds (13) have a small amount occasionally if he wanted, but he has no interest. None of the adults around are big drinkers, maybe a couple of glasses/cans a year, so I suspect that has an influence, but he knows it isn't banned, he just hasn't found anything he likes the smell of (yet). I grew up being allowed a small amount at Christmas/birthdays/the occasional Sunday from about 11, never too fussed but liked feeling a bit grown up. Have only ever (now mid 30's) gone overboard twice, but never thrown up, made a fool of myself in public or been arrested, unlike many I know.

[Bunbaker]

"Parents who don't allow any alcohol to be drunk may well have teens who don't volunteer the information they have had a drink, especially if they stay out at a friends house."

This ^^. DD told me what she tried at the party and said the only thing she quite liked the taste of was peach schnapps.

[DorothyL]

I really can't cope with an approach of "do what you want, I can't stop you anyway" at 14 years old!

[SoWhite]

I started giving mine low acohol booze on special occasions about 13/14.

My logic was that, as was my experience, if you are familiar and don't think booze is anything special by 18, uni less of a shock to your system and you wake up safe the vast majority of the time.

[SoWhite]

18 - simple as that.

Hahahahahaaa!

[DorothyL]

SoWhite I think that's the thinking of many parents, but in the link I posted it is said that medical professionals advise against that approach.