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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Reported for abuse by 17 year old daughter UPDATE

117 replies

marieisme123 · 10/09/2015 17:18

Hi. Update on previous thread. Social services were contacted by my daughter. Social worker went to see her at her nan's yesterday. Had phone call from her dad and the social worker. D is adamant she won't come home or even allow ss to mediate. They have offered her accommodation in a family home - whatever that is. Prob. take weeks to sort out while she stays with her nan. I am livid atm - feels like a massive kick in the teeth. Still, it's out of my hands now - let them see if they can help her as I so obviously failed. Tbh I'm thinking about moving way now and breaking all contact

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Report

TuTru · 21/10/2015 21:01

Keep it up ladies xx

Saymwa · 10/10/2015 12:36

Take care Marie. I agree that teenagers can be little shits but they grow out of it in time in the meantime think about yourself. Look after yourself and just remember that she is your daughter and when she's gone through where she is now she'll need you as a mum.

Travelledtheworld · 10/10/2015 08:13

Stay strong Marie and make the most of having some time to yourself.

coribeth · 09/10/2015 22:24

Yes did speak to ss today and she is moving in Monday am very angry that no one has even bother to let us know as far as I am concerned they are basically enabling her the sw I spoke to was very nice and when I explained the situation she said she has another thing coming if she thinks she won't have to live by the rules here and when I explained the sheltered existence she has had and how unstreet wise she is her words were she is in for a rude awakening she also told me that they have £57 a week to live on have to give 15 in rent so are living on about 6 a day she is at performing arts college and that's the price of a pair of ballet tights she has never gone without so hope that this is a passing phase and she will realise in the meantime that she's not so badly done by here! Sorry to here things are still crap I understand how hurt and angry you must feel, glad that you have sorted your finances out though that at least must be some weight off your shoulders good luck and hope things improve for you!

marieisme123 · 09/10/2015 18:30

CORIBETH: So sorry about your problems with your D. I don't think she could arrange to move to spported living accommodation within 4 days. Have you tried contacting SS? I had to chase them about my D as they didn't contact me at all. It should be under local social services Children's Services
or similar. Good luck.

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amarmai · 09/10/2015 18:26

i like the way you sound Marie! Keep on the path of looking after yourself- which you well know means protecting yourself from your d. Little by little you are going to build a new life. Your d will return to you when life teaches her the lessons it teaches all of us. Be well , be happy, be safe.

marieisme123 · 09/10/2015 18:05

Hi amarmai and anyone else still following this thread :)
Haven't heard anything for 11 days. Stopped phoning D after threats of reporting me for harrassment. Stopped phoning ex husband after he put the phone down on me twice 'for ranting.' Not bothered with SS as they haven't got the courtesy to keep me informed.
Ex husband phones me today to ask if he and D can pop round to get her guitar. I said no and tell her she needs to arrange to collect all her stuff in one go with SS present at a time convenient to me.
Ex h said she has been to see the supported lodgings and SS are sorting it out for her to move in in the next couple of weeks. That will be 10 WEEKS since all this started. Apparently 'the lady' is really nice and they have a couple of dogs. So she is happy to live in the house of a nice stranger while her mum is devastated and her own little dog continues to miss her terribly. So be it.
Me? I have sorted out my finances and I should be alright to stay living here if I can earn a bit more from my business. At least I have the time and peace to do that now without her continuous drama.
I am coming to terms with it at best I can but it is still very, very hard to accept that she reported me for abuse and tried to get me sectioned. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive that.

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amarmai · 09/10/2015 15:18

coribeth i wd contaci ss to see if this is true. Also you need a thread of your own so we can respond to you properly and not confuse marie's thread. If you click on report at the top of your message, you can ask mn to set up a thread for you. You will get more responses and good ideas as your sit is not the same as this one.

coribeth · 09/10/2015 04:26

Marie I can totally sympathize I also have 17yr old D she is a complete nightmare she is disrespectful never does a thing I ask selfish steals from us refuses to eat at meal times but then comes down in middle of night and helps herself which has given her a massive weight problem is argumentative is always snipping nasty comments at her older brother and sister and my partner blames me for wrecking her childhood by getting a divorce flys off the handle at the slightest thing thinks her opinion is the only one that counts and if you have an alternate one that you are not supporting her we feel like we are constantly walking on egg shells less she have one of her frequent meltdowns my partner grounded her last night as she was told to lay off her sister as she is currently grieving at which point she flew into a rage and ran into her sisters room screaming and shouting then when she got grounded decided to go out and told us we couldn't ground her as she is 17 and its illegal in my anger as she was leaving I told her if she wanted to live under my roof then she had to live under my rules and accept that I am the parent and if she didn't want to she was quite welcome to find somewhere else to live anyway long story short she informed us that she is moving into supported living on Monday I'm shocked and infuriated no one has spoken to us from social services surely I would even know if she hadn't said something I'm so angry that this is what it has come to in this country that wayward teenagers who don't want to do as they are told (I'm not unreasonable want to know when she will be home and that she is not walking around in the dark and ask for a bit of help round the house as in clearing her own stuff up!) Can just get the state to fund there tantrums! God only knows how she has managed to arrange a place in 4 days I dread to think what she has said about me and my partner so I understand how angry worried and hurt you are feeling all at the same time!

KatharineClifton · 04/10/2015 21:02

How's it going marie?

Penfold007 · 29/09/2015 08:59

The visit to collect belongings must be supervised. Make it clear to SS that none of your property is to be removed and that the iPhone needs to be returned undamaged or the contract taken over by another adult. Contact phone provider and make sure usage is capped.

Scobberlotcher · 29/09/2015 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TuTru · 29/09/2015 08:31

It will be ok in the end, just hang in there. Know that you are the better person. Xx

Dapplegrey1 · 28/09/2015 18:43

Very best of luck.
This will be no comsolation right now, but I can think many people ranging from when I was a teenager to those of my dc's age who had very difficult adolescences but grew up to be loving family members and useful members of society.
At the moment you must look after yourself. You sound like a lovely person and one day your dd will see that you are a loving mother who wanted the best for her.

sillygiraffe · 28/09/2015 17:54

Best of luck Marie. You are dealing with a dreadful situation but I hope things improve for you real soon

marieisme123 · 28/09/2015 17:37

Unless anyone knows different I don't think I can cancel it without paying off the contract, still has another 18 months to go. I suppose I could ask for it back and use it myself, not that she would give it to me. Or maybe her dad or nan could pay for it haha

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averythinline · 28/09/2015 16:50

please take care of yourself...I'm not sure why you can't cancel her iphone 6 contract though or ask for it back - if she wants all the freedom of being an adult she needs to fund/sort it herself.....

marieisme123 · 28/09/2015 16:38

Re. situation with my mother I told D that she would never be there for her when she really needed help - and she hasn't been. Mother has a house which she rents out BTW and could let D live there rent free. Didn't even offer.

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marieisme123 · 28/09/2015 16:34

Hi all. Think I'm finally coming to terms with it now. Have seen council today about reassessment for HB and have contacted CB and CTC. Told exh to tell D that she has no means of support from me now and SS need to sort it out with her, not me. Also said she can come and collect all her stuff in one go with transport from SS as I'm not having people coming and going in my house. They can just get on with it now and I'll get on with my own life. Thanks to all of you for support :)

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FantasticButtocks · 27/09/2015 19:14

I'm so sorry for you OP - this is heartbreaking. In your position, I'd really want to start seeing a good counsellor, as you are dealing with such an extremely painful situation. I hope this is a possibility for you.

See, if your mother was a damaging person for you and you've kept your distance, (but facilitated a relationship between her and your dd) chances are she could well have added fuel to DDs fire, if not downright bad mouthed you to your dd. Obviously I dont know anything about your mother other than that you choose to keep your distance. But, if she wasn't a good enough person to be someone you wanted to have a relationship with, she was probably no better for your dd.

You must be worn out

amarmai · 27/09/2015 16:40

Hi Marie, since your d is still making allegations against you on FB and her friend says she is planning to charge you with harassment and she has got ss believing she needs police help to get her stuff , you need to be thinking about how to protect yourself against what she may still try. The animosity she is continuing to display shows she is not happy about her big power trip to get you sectioned being aborted. If you are recognising your m's voice in what your d is saying , trust your memory and instinct. Good advice to go to gp and ask for counselling . This is a very worrisome mix of past and present-is it possible your d may be carrying out what your m wants to happen to you ? Try to sort it out so you get a better idea what you are dealing with. I also think you should stay clear of your d and look after yourself. She has not changed in her thoughts towards you but seems to be laying the groundwork for further dangerous to you charges.

TuTru · 27/09/2015 15:03

Cheeky mares these girls.
Get someone from SS present, when they're there you can tell them what she can and can't take, and that will also be the "official" date she moves out.
Then tell them she has an iPhone you pay for, just so they know she's not as hard done by as she makes out.

marieisme123 · 26/09/2015 23:07

Plus iphone6 contract which I pay for. Can't cancel that though.

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marieisme123 · 26/09/2015 23:01

Some things I bought her, some were birthday / christmas presents. The more recent things, especially expensive clothes, she bought from money inherited from her nan ( ex husband's mum.) I got on really well with my MIL, God knows what she would think of all this!

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PlopsyWhopsy · 26/09/2015 22:41

Haven't read your other thread, but don't let her take the TV/computer etc if bought with your money, not here/birthday etc. Unless bought as a birthday present.

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