DS smokes weed but wants to learn to drive

[Claybury]

Does anyone have any experience of a teen like this ? I am hoping his desire to learn to drive could be the kick he needs to stop smoking but I'm probably being over optimistic. He smokes on a Fri and Sat AFAIK but I'm fully aware that it is a drug that stays in your body for some time. I have said he must give up totally before we will consider driving lessons.
Lots of teens smoke weed sadly so this must be a common issue.

[Claybury]

Daughter - I hope you are not suggesting that by going out for a couple of hours I have 'enabled' my 17 yo to smoke at home ! I cannot babysit him all the time. What if one of my other DC's needs me to take them somewhere ?

[smokeandglitter]

I would be using it to encourage giving up.

I have friends who are heavy cannabis smokers and they do and have driven under the influence. I hugely disagree with it.

Also agree it is very common, though more so in some areas etc. Certainly all of the people I knew at Private Schools in North London smoked it as teens and mostly still do now (early 20s), it seems to be very common in Derby and areas of Essex in my experience, but I guess it's the people you know etc.

[DaughterDilemma]

No, OP, you have enabled it by losing his respect. That's what you need to get back otherwise whatever you do is not going to work. He will get what he can out of you, go back to smoking and lie to you about smoking under the influence.

[bigTillyMint]

DaughterDilemma, do you have a teenager?

[Claybury]

No offence taken btw. I'm sure I would have been a much more judgemental parent had all my DC's been like my DD ! ( she's v anti drugs etc and has grown up in an environment where boys scoff at her for never having been stoned ).

[DaughterDilemma]

I have two teens. Perhaps they are smoking weed right now without my knowledge, but if I ever found out I would make sure it never happens again. Sure they've pushed boundaries, but I haul them back in as and when necessary.

My experience growing up in a house full of druggy brothers taught me that parents pretending it isn't happening, not taking control of the situation simply sends out the message that it's OK and that they don't particularly care. Constant supervision isn't the answer but being very very firm on trust and lying is.

[DaughterDilemma]

Maryz I'm not going to respond to your posts, this thread isn't about me or about what you think of me. Kindly show a bit of respect and stop posting like a schoolgirl.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

For anyone who worries about their teens and weed, what worked for us was going completely apeshit the first time we found out about it. No wishy washy liberal nonsense.

And I speak as a complete hypocrite who has more than dabbled in the past.

[Claybury]

I did go apeshit. In fact we called him out of school early after finding stuff in his room , brought him home & ripped him to shreds. DH & I in tears. We also took him to a drug counselling service & he had weekly sessions for a while. We stopped all funds. Tightened curfews. Paid a private psychiatrist to assess him to ensure he wasn't depressed / anxious & self medicating ( he wasn't )
What else should I do ?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

That must be so hard for you Claybury. My DD was only 15 but smoking every day.
We told her we would have her best mate's dealer brother arrested, that her Dad would lose his job (pharma industry) and her little brother would be removed by social services. Fortunately she was guilible enough to believe us, and removing her money and grounding her did the trick.
Your boy sounds like a harder nut to crack.

[DaughterDilemma]

Maryz stop being so bloody antagonistic. Are you here to help OP or just attack people?

[smileyforest]

Maryz...agree with all you say...have a son...never ever thought he would do weed etc. was.very anti-drugs...i tried EVERYTHING!!!! They will do it whatever you say and do! Nothing to do with social class either...My son is bright, articulate....as is his friends..from good solid families....it effects all sorts... I would like someone to come here too and try their 'parenting' with my son...he is the third of four children...older children never did it as not common when they were teens (late 20's now)...but its so COMMON now amongst our teens....at Schools, college, Uni's...I cannot watch him 24/7...

[smileyforest]

My DS also wants to learn to drive....no way!!

[mirren3]

Apologies if this has been mentioned, as I have not read the full thread, get on to amazon and buy some drugs test sticks (you can choose which drug to test for), they are about £7 for 3, a friend had this problem and she tested her dd weekly, any sign of positive and her dd didn't get to have a lesson.

[smileyforest]

I think Maryz...has a lot of experience to speak her mind OP!!

[noddyholder]

'make sure it never happens again' Yes like all the parents I know who have managed just that.Not. Very difficult as its about the person and peer pressure not the substance plus as we all know teenagers know everything

[Steben]

I still do not really understand the driving issue - surely A LOT of prescription drugs could have "slowing" effects the next day (most pain meds for example).

[notquiteruralbliss]

Don't really see the problem. He just needs to realise that he can't drive when under the influence of anything (including weed).

[Oboe1]

My step son smokes weed and drives. He lives with his mum. She has written to us saying how worried she is and that he is my partners son too etc. of course we are really concerned - he suspect he did exactly the same when he lived with us - but where can we or she get help? The car is in his name and he needs it to get to work. He is still probably a safer driver than my Mum age 83 who refuses to even consider stopping driving. The law simply doesn't seem to help.