Am I right to be concerned re daughter's weight loss

[gemandjule]

This time last year my DD1, then aged 15, weighed 56kg with a BMI of 22. She had a bit of a "tummy" and decided to try and lose some weight. I wasn't too concerned initially as she loves food, was eating well and just cut out rubbish.
She slowly lost 6 kg over about 8-9 months. She then started to look thin, even DS1 aged 19 noticed and he wouldn't usually take any notice of her! I started getting more conscious of her eating habits at this stage. She seems to have cut back more although she does eat 3 meals a day. Since March though she has lost another 3 kg. Her BMI is now 18.5, so still within the normal range but low end.
She swims quite a lot, Competitively up to last year but dropped to club squad this season as she has state exams this year.
She has porridge for breakfast that she makes herself with water rather than milk, a boiled egg some salad and a wholemeal muffin for lunch and a smallish portion of whatever we are having for dinner which would always be home made from scratch so nutritionally well balanced. She still trains approx 6-8 hours/week though with her swim club,(gym and swimming.)
She hasn't had a period since March and would have been regular prior to this but has really only missed one month and this may be due to exam stress. She seems in good form, a bit stressed about exams but not excessively. Although her eating has got rigid and controlled she is still eating as described and will occasionally have a slice of cake. I really don't think she is vomiting. Do I need to be worried or should I just admire her discipline! She is my third DC, others are 19, 17 and 13 so I am used to teens, just unsure how serially to take this.

[gemandjule]

Yes dancingqueen, finding ATDT very insightful. Although initially I wasn't sure if I belonged there the advice is really helpful and hopefully we'll start to see a turn around soon.
lelia, it's ironic isn't it. My DD was the kid who was always so happy and obliging. To be fair although she has become more uptight she still seems to be non confrontational and we have no rows as such. It will be interesting to see if she stabilizes but the more I think about it the more I am sure that if we hadn't taken control now we would be exactly the same as your DD. What remains to be seen is if we can stop the rot. Delighted to hear your DD is doing so well. How long would you say it took to restore her weight?

[lelia]

Hi , it took around 3 months to go from 44.3kg to 54kg . She started off at 55 kg. This was on a diet of over 3500 cal a day . Sometimes it felt as though she was eating all day with not much time between a snack and a meal. Really hope you don't have to go through this with your daughter . X

[jan2014]

hey guys. i truly admire your strength in dealing with this with your daughters. for some more reading and support(evidence based) please have a look at youreatopia.com. it has a very informative blog, on what happens when food is restricted and goes into the science of what restriction does to your body and also the actual recovery process, stages and symptoms etc. i found it extremely valuable, and it is relevant wether its a full blown eating disorder or just some level of restriction.

[gemandjule]

Today she got quite agitated at dinner time, It's funny, she said she was hungry which sounds like a breakthrough. Except that she wouldn't eat until all the family were there because it was my birthday and we were to have a family dinner. That's great but it shows this exaggerated discipline again. If any of the others were hungry and dinner was going to be another 30 mins they would just take a banana from the fruit bowl that is sitting right there in the table, or some bread from the cupboard etc, but no way would she eat anything except dinner because it wasn't agreed in advance.
I guess it's really good news that she is hungry though.
Sunday is when she is due to be weighed. As she is still not getting over about 2000 calories daily I am concerned she won't have gained. I don't know how she will if she doesn't. Relief on the one hand I guess but I have a suspicion that she now feels if she can just get back to 50kg that we will get off her case and she can get back to her "normal".
I honestly think I will do my head in from thinking about this

[Dustypeas]

Hi There
Just wondered if my experience might be useful to you. My daughter also started to lose weight around GCSE time and this went on for about 6 months before I started to realise that it was a problem. She had been making herself sick and was restricting calories and I am amazed that it took me so long to see that there was a problem. She is quite volatile although we have a very good relationship and I think deep down I was afraid to confront her in case it made things worse.When I talked to her about my concerns she admitted that there was a problem and we went to our GP who referred us to CAMHS. CAMHS were really good and gave her really important information about how restricting calories would damage her body in the short and long term. We discussed eating plans and monitoring food intake and they did a great job of letting her see that we would have to be involved in that process I.e. I would ask her about what she had eaten every day and would ensure that she was getting enough calories e.g. Making milky drinks at bedtime and giving her snacks. They monitored her weight by regular weighing at the appointments we had with them. She has gradually - over 6 months been putting on weight and we have more or less been discharged - we have a follow up appointment in 3 months time.
Involving CAMHS was good for us as I know that my daughter would not have accepted being weighed at home by me and also their information and advice was more acceptable to her than Mum telling her what to do. I do think there is a genetic element - 2 of my husbands cousins and - we suspect - his mother have struggled with anorexia. I think we realise - myself and my daughter - that this is not an easy fix and that she will struggle with eating issues. She has a friend who has been seriously ill - near death- with anorexia and this has been a real shock for her and has helped her in he recovery as she has realised how this disease can take over and destroy your life. I do worry that she will respond to stress with controlling food intake and we work on trying to lower her stresses e.g. She dropped an A level after becoming really stressed over work loads. So it's an ongoing issue but I'm really very proud of how she has dealt with this so far.
Hope this helps - I would really recommend CAMHS if possible. I think it is very hard to deal with without outside help.

[gemandjule]

dustypeas, delighted to hear your daughter is getting better. My GP has been great and has got me the names of 2 psychologists if we are running into trouble. The exams start next week and I'd love to hold off until after these if possible. By then we will have had a couple of weekly weigh in's and will have some idea how we are getting on so I'm hoping things will be improved but I have a back up plan ready to go. Once more thanks to every one for the support, our weigh in Sunday will tell a lot

[shaska]

I had to join mumsnet to post this because I think it's so wonderful that you noticed and that you're trying to help, and I wanted to tell you something that I tell anyone who asks about EDs and some who don't

I developed an ED at 20, and from about 26 gradually started gaining weight, but now at 30, while a normal weight, I've come to realise that there are parts of it that will never leave me, or at least haven't yet. I don't know whether this is something you feel will help to tell your daughter, but you don't realise, when you're starting it, what a hold it can get on you, and that you might be unknowingly making a lifelong (or lengthy at any rate!) commitment to thought processes and ways of behaving that you will find INCREDIBLY ANNOYING in later life.

From what you've said and the numbers, she sounds a wee bit thin and a wee bit 'controlly'. It might be nothing, it might be something she'd have come out of on her own, or it might be something a bit more than that. But the same way that if one of your kids developed a weird nagging cough or a strange lump or something, it's always better to check so I think you've definitely done the right thing.

Unfortunately I have no advice - not really sure how I came out of the bad part of mine, I just sort of...did. But I do really really wish I hadn't stayed in it for so long.