14 year old son refuses to brush teeth - why?

[bettycocker]

Sorry if this seems a little trivial, but I have just had yet another stressful morning as DS refuses to brush his teeth.

It's the same everyday. He'll say goodbye and his breath smells. I'll ask if he has brushed his teeth and he'll say yes, but he's lying!

I will even check his toothbrush and it's dry as a bone. I will literally have to give him a good old telling off in order to get him to do it. I've tried asking him why he does this, but he just grunts and slopes off.

Wtaf??! This happens every single day. I work from home and by the time he leaves, I'm thoroughly stressed out, and he probably is too.

Is it a rebellion thing? Laziness (he has a swanky electric toothbrush) or that he just doesn't like it?

It's bloody emabarrassing, as he had to have fillings because of this last time we saw the dentist. She gave him a right telling off and looked at me like .

Does anyone have this problem?

Sorry for being a bit ranty, but I seriously dread the mornings!

[likesnowflakesinanocean]

hope your doing a bit better , I don't have teenagers and I hate backchat already

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

DS is 17. Ive washed my hands of his teeth. I spent years encouraging him to brush them. Ive nagged him, I have yelled at him and I have sat on him and brushed them for him. The dentist told him that if he didn't brush them he would lose them. He still doesn't brush them. Apparently he doesn't like the taste of toothpaste!
Its just reached the point when he is bigger than me and old enough to look out for himself.

[bettycocker]

Sorry, typing is all over the place. I had to start on the wine.

[bettycocker]

Yes, definitely Worry. It's the lying that irks me most and he blantantly to shut me up and stop me nagging. He'll say he has, but his toothbrush will be bone dry.

I think things are slowly turning a corner. He is actually using it, but I haven't won the battle yet.

Before this it was wearing deodorant and showering. Now I can't get him out of the bloody shower. He spends up to 45 mins in there at a time. Teenagers. Do you ever feel as though aliens abducted your sweet little DC and swapped them for some sort of weird, funky upgrade?

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

Something which worked for DS was dealing with the lying not the brushing. Honesty is a big thing in this house.

If I think DS has not brushed his teeth then I will ask him. He used to lie resulting in me/DH getting angry with him when he was found out. We then made a deal with him and said that if he 'forgot' then that was not a problem and he could go off and brush. If he lied then we would come down on him like a ton of bricks not for 'forgetting' but for lying about it.

It doesnt seem to be a problem now. He does forget but wont lie about it so in the end teeth get brushed.

[bettycocker]

Sorry for being ranty there.

[bettycocker]

I just stood over DS whilst he brushed his teeth. He didn't do his lunch last night, so I ended up having to do it and clean out his lunchbox. Then he had a go at me because I gave him money for bus fare for today and tomorrow. Apparently I should only give him pound coins, not five pound notes.

I hate mornings. I am sorely tempted to run away and join the circus. Between DS and DP, they are managing to really piss me off. I have awful PMS and a stinking cold. I have loads of work on this week. I keep trying to get to bed early, as in going to sleep by 9:00 pm.

DP is sulking because he needs to replace the gearbox on his car, so he hasn't lifted a finger around the house. I'm ill and I could really do with an early night, but no. I'm bloody well having to do everything. I'm going to tell them to bugger off tonight. They can make their own dinner and bloody well do some housework.

[valiumredhead]

Withhold money, take his x box, stand over him while he does it, just make him do it!

[flow4]

"The worst brusher has the cleanest teeth"
Yes. There is no justice. DS1 (18) brushes once a day, maximum, smokes and eats junk. And the dentist pronounced his teeth 'perfect' the last time we went.

[LoveSewingBee]

If he needs any fillings as a result of not brushing then you will withhold his pocket money to cover this wholly unnecessary expenditure ..... If you use this threat you have to be willing to act upon it otherwise you would lose all credibility.

Alternatively, you could halve his pocket money now and put the other half in a dentistry account for use in the next few years.

I think that this may do the trick ...

[likesnowflakesinanocean]

have pm'ed you my story. if it helps one person then its worth it

[SuperiorCat]

I ended up using bribery.

Disclosing tablets issued at random, whoever had the cleanest teeth got £2. It wasn't so much about getting the money, it was about stopping the other one getting the money.

No sweets, biscuits, cake or chocolate bought as I did not want to add to the decay if the teeth weren't being brushed, purchasing would resume once toothbrushing resumed on a twice daily basis.

FWIW both dsis and I went through similar for no particular reason. It all stopped one day when the love of my life called me dog breath.

[bettycocker]

Thanks for the reassurance Turnip. I spoke to DM earlier and she said my BD was the same. He has had to have so much dental work done.

likesnowflakes, yes, please do by all means. If you don't mind him reading it.

Wuldric. I am basically doing the same at the moment, but I never banked on this becoming an issue. he had a clean and polish and got a lecture from the dentist. This didn't seem to be enough though, despite the fact that he needed fillings.

I have been pretty blunt and told him that his breath smells and that his teeth look yellow.

As for point 3, I have said things of a similar jist, pointing out that he won't get far in with people when he tries to chat them up. Manky teeth and bad breath is a deal breaker for many.

[Wuldric]

I've really worked at dental hygiene, and it is nonstop. Mine both oblige now (13 &15) but it was an ongoing battle.

Steps I took:

1. Had a session with them at the hygienist, to clean, polish and lecture - ie show them pictures of what would happen to their teeth if they didn't brush. Our dentist did this for free but believe me I would have paid.
   

1. Nagged them ceaselessly morning and evening and refused to let them out of the house until they had brushed. I used to say to DS 'Oh look at your yellow teeth, yuckity yuck, get em brushed'. Blunt, slightly horrible, but straight to the point and effective too.
   

1. Made a point of slightly going over the top and telling DD that she WOULD NOT HAVE HAD THAT FILLING IF SHE HAD ONLY BRUSHED. WHAT, DO YOU WANT TO END UP TOOTHLESS AT 30 AND GUMMING YOUR FOOD?

[likesnowflakesinanocean]

I have got a personal experience in this and would be happy to pm you my story if your son needs to realise the implications of what he is doing

[Turniptwirl]

I don't even know what I got stuck under there sometimes! I remember bagels in particular for some reason! I grew out of into a normal, tooth brushing adult and I'm sure your ds will too!

Maybe one of his mates will start hinting that he needs breath freshening mints or something ;)

[bettycocker]

MuchBrighter, I'm glad it's not just me then. Funny that the worst brusher would have the cleanest teeth. Maybe they are super efficient?

Turniptwirl, arrgh, did you have brace cheese? You could well be right about dropping it for a while. DS and I seem to be butting heads a lot right now. I know it's the way it goes sometimes with teenagers, but he's a good lad and it's nice to actually connect to each other as people. Everything is a blooming battle at the moment.

[Turniptwirl]

Ps. I do now brush my teeth properly! And neither me or my sister has any fillings

[Turniptwirl]

I was like this as a young teenager actually, even with braces (the removable retainer type) and I believe my sister had s similar phase. Under my brace was truest minging at times!

All I can say is he should grow out of it, hopefully before any long lasting damage is done.

Maybe drop it for a while, sometimes teenagers will resist more strongly just because its a none if contention with mum, when mum stops nagging they decide to do it all on their own.

As we get older we get used to the idea that we have to do more and more boring, seemingly pointless things just because we have to do them. Teeth cleaning is one of them!

[MuchBrighterNow]

My ds are just the same ... I keep little inter dental brushes in the car and when my Ds' are captive being driven somewhere, I hand them out and they sit their cleaning their teeth.

I tried the plaque capsules but annoyingly the worst brusher had the best results

[bettycocker]

Thanks for your input everyone.

I've just had a word with DS. He wasn't impressed when I showed him Google Images results for tooth decay.

I shall persevere though.

differentname, I told him what you said!

[differentnameforthis]

The dentist explained that he will have real problems once the brace is fitted, if he doesn't start brushing his teeth properly

No self respecting orthodontist will fit a brace if he isn't cleaning his teeth. If he starts to clean his teeth just to get the brace fitted, but then tails off, I have known orthodontists to remove braces due to teeth not being clean!

What is the point in having nice straight teeth, when they all have holes in them?

Tell him that bacteria around his mouth is likely to eat into his gums & cause recession, therefore he will lose his teeth prematurely. Therefore needing dentures. No self respecting dentist would fit him with implants & he won't have any bone to hold any in, in any case.

Girls/boys (whatever he is in to) won't kiss someone/be interested in someone with bad breath.

High levels of plaque in the mouth can cause other medical conditions.

Plaque eventually hardens into calculus & can only be removed by a dentist/hygienist.

decay, once under the enamel spreads very quickly, therefore he could be in bad pain before he even notices that he has holes in his teeth!

Does he go out without showering/using deodorant? Because it is pretty much the same thing. Except eventually he WILL lose his teeth.

Google dental decay

(Qualified dental nurse, worked in orthodontics - just so you know I come at this from experience)

[FernieB]

You can get disclosing tablets from Boots which will stain the plaque on his teeth blue. You could try getting him to chew one and then he can see how much gunk is on there. He'll have to brush them really well to get rid of the blue as well.

Alternatively, remove all electronic devices until teeth are clean and keep removing them when he fails to clean them. This is my standby for my kids and even the threat of it works wonders now (after one of my DD's was without anything electronic for 2 days, they know I mean it).

Don't get cross, they do seem to enjoy winding up their parents, so I try never to get cross (at least in front of them), although I do fail miserably at times. My DH has installed a punchbag in the garage for him to use for exercise - I think I use it more now my DD's are older!

[WhyMeWhyNot]

One of mine was like this for about 3 years. They looked awful. It all changed one day and personal care took over. Couldn't get him out the bathroom. It'll pass when someone catches his eye in the love dept I'm sure !

[gamerchick]

It's just pure laziness I think and not really that high up on their list of priorities. I have to stand over my 13 yr old while he does them so not sure of an answer to that particular dilemma.