Son had unprotected sex, what to do?

[Joan733]

Hi all,

My 14 year old son has been seeing his girlfriend (15) for 4 months now. He has been spending an increasing amount of time at her house both during the day and in the evenings. He doesn't tell me much about what they get up to, but I figured that they may have had sex at some point.

Anyway, he hadn't told me anything, but the other night he was texting his girlfriend frantically while we were sat next to each other watching TV (I couldn't quite make out what he was saying from where I was sat). I figured that something might be going on and when he went to the toilet I checked his messages and they had been basically talking about the possibility of her being pregnant.

I was totally shocked by this, since I didn't even realise that they had had sex let alone unprotected. I haven't mentioned a word of this to my son or anyone else because I was so surprised and needed some time to figure out what to do. My son lives the majority of the time at my ex's place and we only see each other occasionally.

What can I do? I want to approach the subject with my son to tell him about the risks of doing what he is doing but I also don't want to break the trust that I have with him. How involved should I get with these matters to do with his relationship with his girlfriend, or should I just keep out of it? Should I stop them seeing each other? I am so worried as I don't want him to become another statistic in the list of new teenage dad's.

Thanks,

J

[NippyDrips]

My brother lived with me during his teen years. He and his girlfriend had been together awhile so I just started buying condoms an putting them under his pillow. I never asked if they were running out, I just periodically put some there.

However I think you need to speak to him about the possible pregnancy. They will be terrified.

[AllyEttie]

Absolutely stuff this nonsense of 'I knew a girl at school...' and 'when I was your age...'

Your child is going around another child's house to have sex, and could have quite possibly knocked her up.

I'd face this problem head on and state that you've seen his texts, and ask him what's going on.

I have to say though, most girls I know who definitely didn't want to get pregnant did not have unprotected sex

[AllyEttie]

Slyvia - are you feeling alright? You seem to be painting teenage parenthood as a JojoMamanBebe catalogue. I've seen it amongst my friends, many of them who wanted to be teenage parents- and it bloody isn't. Your childhood is completely and utterly ripped away from you, and you should be at university, travelling the world, making friends and falling in love- not enjoying your miracle bubba down the park.

This is why you need to speak to him now OP, the fictionalised ice breakers may have worked if you thought they were shagging- but if the girlfriend is pregnant, too late. And it'll be completely out of yours, and your son's hands on what she chooses to do.

[lmgeorge92]

Hi
First of all, I'd say checking his texts was not the best way to go about it. It might have been better in the first instance to say "is everything ok? you're texting rather franticly" I don't know your relationship with your son, and whether this would have achieve something but it just might have been a better way.
Water under the bridge now though: 14 is realllyyyy young to be sexually active. I was fooling around with guys at that age (though i didn't DTD until just before 16) and I realise now I was soo young. Especially, as this is a circumstance. You said your son acts like a 10 YO sometimes, that worries me more and suggests he's not ready for a child! I'm not old fashioned enough to say that if he's not prepared to take responsibility he shouldn't be having sex- but certainly, I think it's a danger allowing him to spend a lot of time,alone at here house.. the inevitable has happened.
Again, water under the bridge?
Now, talk to him up front. Ask him how stuff is going with X, if everything's ok? and actually ask him if he's having sex and if so, are they being safe you don't need to tell him you already know the answers but it's an opener for him.
When i had a pregnancy scare at 16 it was an excruciating conversation with my mum, but it meant I had someone to support me, she didn't get angry or upset she just said "ok, what ever happens we'll deal with this" try and be like that, if he's being brave enough to speak up.
I really hope, this is just a scare, all babies are gifts but it sounds like your son and his girlfriend are not at all ready- I know people have mentioned STIs on here as well, so it might be an idea to suggest a check?

[Jenny70]

I would talk to him, say that you've suspected he is sexually active and is he protecting himself.... say that condoms are the best to protect not only against pregnancy, but STD's.

If he admits to unprotected sex, I would make him a family planning appointment to get checked out, even if they have been exclusive, having a STD test might scare him enough to think more closely about protection.

You are his mother, not some random, so you need to speak to him as soon as possible.