It was my Birthday yesterday and 'D'S gave me.......

[GerardWay]

Nothing, absolutely nothing. He is 20, has a job and DH and DD (especially) had kept reminding him. I could have cried but didn't as I didn't want to ruin the evening for everyone else.

[timidviper]

Much as I hate generalisations, I do think this is more a problem with boys. My DS has gone through phases of being a bit self-centred but now he is older he is fantastic and gets really thoughtful gifts for us. DD has never been like that.

I do think you are right to take a stand on it though. I have a brother in his 50s who is appalling ("forgot" to ring 80+ year old mother when ill in hospital and couldn't visit her as he was playing golf!) I maintain that, firstly our parents, then latterly his wife, have allowed him to get away with too much for too long. I'd just fucking kill him

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

I think gardening makes a good point. My mum probably does pander to my brother in the hope that he will suddenly appreciate her worth. But its never going to happen.

The only way my brother would ever learn is if my parents kicked him out and he had to learn. Maybe then he would figure out how good he has it.

IMHO I think your son is the same. Its easier said than done though. I cant imagine leaving my DDs to fend for themselves. But maybe at some point its necessary ro be cruel to be kind!

[Zara1984]

Hi OP I'm sorry Happy Birthday!

I agree with another poster - the underlying issue seems to be his general laziness. Sorry but I think you need to tell him to move out and start looking after himself. He is 20, he's an adult. As long as he remains under your roof he's always going to have the mindset of a child. IMO people need the character-building that comes with moving out of home to really be able to deal with their parents like adults.

As for the birthday and Mother's Day cards/gifts etc - who really cares if he's pulling his weight about the rest? I do think you have to try be a bit less sensitive about that - in the grand scheme of things it's not really relevant whether he gets you anything. It's the general respect/better attitude you're after, really.

[stuffthenonsense]

I share your birthday too. Happy birthday.
My take on your situation is that he clearly doesn't realise what a good deal he has with you. Stop doing anything for him. At all. If he can't treat you as his mother he should start treating you as his landlady. So make the rent truly reflect market rates.
I appreciate that he us your son, and you love him, but if you had come on here and posted the same thing about your husband you'd have received a multitude of LTBs. At 20 he could be someone's husband and father.

[gabyjane]

Know how you feel dd never bought me one. Still haven't said anything to this day.

[GerardWay]

Well ignoring him worked to a certain extent. I finally got a card and a crappy, covered in glitter bunch of flowers.

[specialsubject]

perhaps it is time to stop birthday presents all round - no-one really needs any of this clutter.

however a card, a good wish, a meal out etc would all have been good. Ignoring birthdays totally is generally not on. I've stopped being bothered about mine but I know other people find theirs important so off go the cards.

[ElectricSheep]

A less than generous/thoughtful token to shut you up then OP?

Well you know what to aim at for his 21st then?

[GerardWay]

Yes, he could have bought me a crappy bunch of flowers actually ON my birthday and didn't.

I love my son dearly but he doesn't appreciate us.