Nothing, absolutely nothing. He is 20, has a job and DH and DD (especially) had kept reminding him. I could have cried but didn't as I didn't want to ruin the evening for everyone else.
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Teenagers
It was my Birthday yesterday and 'D'S gave me.......
34 replies
GerardWay · 29/12/2012 22:14
OP posts:
Zara1984 ·
01/01/2013 19:07
Hi OP I'm sorry 
Happy Birthday!
I agree with another poster - the underlying issue seems to be his general laziness. Sorry but I think you need to tell him to move out and start looking after himself. He is 20, he's an adult. As long as he remains under your roof he's always going to have the mindset of a child. IMO people need the character-building that comes with moving out of home to really be able to deal with their parents like adults.
As for the birthday and Mother's Day cards/gifts etc - who really cares if he's pulling his weight about the rest? I do think you have to try be a bit less sensitive about that - in the grand scheme of things it's not really relevant whether he gets you anything. It's the general respect/better attitude you're after, really.
GerardWay ·
01/01/2013 18:17
Hi wannabe, my DD is one of the reasons why I am taking a stand or being childish depending on your point of view. I do not want our DD to see 'D'S's behaviour about presents being acceptable when she is 5 years younger and spends ages thinking about other people.
I really feel for you and your parents are being so unfair.
OP posts:
gardeningmama ·
01/01/2013 13:38
Hi gerard, yes I am sorry I don't know the back story. It seems to me that you are a very deserving mum who has brought up (is bringing up) her dc well and balanced and that, of course, makes this issue with you ds all the more galling and upsetting. It is down to him isn't it? I guess the hard question is that if you don't want that kind of attitude in your home, then he needs to be given an ultimatum to get out. He is perhaps unlikely to understand what the hell you are on about but again, that is for him to come to in his own time. It really isn't a reflection on you. With all due respect to wannabe's mum (and wannabe), you surely don't want to end up supporting that kind of nonsense in the hope that that will earn you the recognition you want from him? I am sure there are others out there with better insight and advise than I can give but wish you well and I'll keep following your progress here!
Happy New Year to all 
.
wannabedomesticgoddess ·
31/12/2012 23:25
My brother is 23. He buys no one anything for birthdays or xmas. He owes my mum and dad over £2000 and they gave him their car this year 
. My mum does all his washing, buys his food, and if hes in when she is will cook it for him. He eats food they have kept specifically for something and chucks the wrappers under his bed. My mum then goes in to his room everyday and makes his bed and tidies up. He is supposed to pay £30 a week but doesnt. He works full time. Fuck knows where his money goes.
I left home at 17 because I couldnt live with my mum. She was forever on at me to help with housework. I got nothing done for me but I still wasnt good enough.
I used to encourage him to go halfs on a present and sign a card but I got sick of carrying him. Hes just a selfish arsehole.
Anyway, my point is that its nothing you have done. I couldnt be more different to my brother. And I really do sympathise. I know how much it hurts my mum when he fails to mark occassions.
GerardWay ·
31/12/2012 23:11
Hi gardening, he won't help. I have been through his attitude problems on here before (I know you wouldn't have read it). 
Myself and DH are self employed . My DH esp worked all the hours God sent and I helped when I could whilst being a SAHM. Obviously we still work hard now but not as much and he resented that he works more hours than DH.
DH & myself gave time to help at school during Primary School years when we could. We also help the local youth club with things.
He just expects to be given everything but he wasn't brought up that way.
OP posts:
gardeningmama ·
31/12/2012 19:14
Gerard, how much help around the house, both communal and specifically for himself, does your son do? If he is 20, has a job, the issue with your birthday present is perhaps not the real underlying issue. If you can, try and put your disappointment about your present behind you and maybe focus on laying down some general rules about what you expect him to do for himself and to pull his weight for the household he still hopes to be part of. Between you, you could agree how much you are still prepared to do for him, and which tasks you agree he can take on as part of his lodging.
I don't mean to be patronising, I am sure you will have gone through all this already. It just seems that if it is a general attitude thing, and he does seem to have taken you for granted, then perhaps he needs taking back to base!
Good luck
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