She told me to butt out of her life this afternoon. I had collected her from a friends house and told her I saw her boy/friend this afternoon and said hello to him (she was at a friends). That was clearly the wrong thing for me to have done. I said that as he had been in our house and had his tongue down her throat I was quite within my rights as a human being and her mother to say hello to him. She responded by telling me I have no right to say hello and shouting that I should butt out of her life. I was shocked, angry, hurt. I can barely speak to her. I hate this teen stuff. She is fucking horrible sometimes. Also she has started speaking badly and it really really grates on me. She doesn't realise she is doing it - she says. I could quite happily tell her to fuck off. I didn;t think she would be like this. She's selfish, rude and talks to me like I am a useless, stupid lump of shit.
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Teenagers
My teenage daughter is turning into a bitch. Help me survive
LovelyMuffins · 01/08/2012 17:05
I thought he'd have gone already tbh awbless, but it's been 4mths.
I probably won't need to speak to him tbh, just a look will be enough lol.
I told her she looked like a cheap slapper 
too harsh ??
What about 'you've had your life. Now it's my turn.' Said, not by my dd to me, but by me to my own dm 
when she wouldn't let me go out one evening.
lovelymuffins, you're not shit. Being the parent of teenagers can be very hard, and it's not you (I'm about 90% sure of this because you're on here looking for advice) it's them! 
My friend K, who is a children's social worker with almost 30 years' experience (and she's married to another children's SW too, so between them they know a LOT about problems with kids!) talks about children and young people who are 'complex characters'... Some kids are just more difficult challenging fkng impossible complex than others... Just like some adults, if you think about it.
Parents tend to think that their children's good behaviour is to their credit, and their bad behaviour is their fault. IMO, this is about 2% true. The other 98% of children's behaviour is down to the children themselves. (So I don't think awbless is smug, but I do think she's a bit deluded 
Sorry awbless!) There are thousands of parents out here who can prove it, because they have two or more children with entirely different habits and behaviours (Personally, I have one son who is more-or-less delinquent and another who is not far off being an angel in human form ) Parents can claim credit, but they're fooling themselves imo... Also, of course, behaviour changes over time - and 14 seems a low-point for many.
That book wellwisher recommends (I'd recommend it too) says the most useful thing I have ever heard about parenting 'difficult' teens: it says you get to a point where you can't stop them - they have to stop themselves - but you can continue to influence them by giving consistent 'moral messages'. So for instance I find myself saying things like "It is not acceptable for you to talk to me like that" and "I can't stop you doing X, but it is still wrong, so you need to stop yourself"...
You are right about needing to find ways to survive. None of the 'parenting strategies' in the known universe will stop a 14 yo swearing at you if s/he is that way inclined (or lying, breaking promises, taking drugs, stealing, etc.)... But a coffee with friends or an hour in the sauna or some other treat will help you deal with it all more calmly and constructively.
Oh, and another useful thought, from another friend of mine, who said... Stropping teenagers are like hurricanes. When a hurricane starts, you don't think "oh, I must stop this hurricane" or "I'm such a failure cos I can't"... You batten down the hatches or take shelter under the table, make sure you and small children and animals are safe, and wait for it to pass! AND IT DOES PASS!
Next time your daughter wants
A lift to a mates house
pocket money
etc etc
reminder her you have butted out of her life
Don't sweat the small stuff only think about the bigger stuff and don't take it to heart
I was an awful awful teen. I spoke to my mum like she was worthless, my poor mum. 
My mum didn't want to be too strict because she thought that I would rebel. The truth was I was crying out for boundaries. It would appear that I was allowed to get away with anything and I found it a very difficult confusing time.
I think if someone had told me that I was a selfish bitch and and asked me how I was feeling I might have been better. But who knows I'm no longer 15 and it is difficult to look back at the situation with the benefit of experience.
All the teenage girls in my family have been pretty vile, whereas the boys seemed to go through the teenage bit relatively unscathed (hoping it will be the same with my two). I look at my teenage nieces and I am amazed that their behaviour seems to be tolerated. We were at a family meal recently and my niece had a huge strop because she had forgotten her mobile phone, refused to order any food, her mother then drove 15 miles to retrieve the mobile so her daughter could text throughout the meal and put photos of crispy fried duck pancakes on Facebook.
I am not looking forward to the teenage years.
It's the hormones.
We have fun in our house as I am menopausal
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