Teenager Stealing From Parents

[wasnormalmumof3]

Help, we are pretty/100% our 2nd Son is stealing from us, £10,£20 from our wallets or hidden places within our house. Can't 100% prove and have asked but has denied. Over the last 3 months we are pretty sure that he is smoking and is hanging at times with the wrong crowd. He has a part time paper round and has no money to show has spent it all with nothing to show. He says on cheesey chips and pizza. We have 2 other children and am sure it is not them.

How do we proceed? Any advice greatfully received. Thanks

[BerniW]

Had this too with 16 yr old ds2 just recently. Money going missing from my purse for months, but couldn't prove it. On one occasion I sat and told him I was calling the police because we "must" have been burgled because I couldn't account for where the money had gone. He denied in tears. I didn't believe him, but couldn't prove it. Finally caught him taking £5 out of my purse a few weeks back. He said he was just "borrowing it". Got grounded for that. He also went into his savings account which is out of bounds and spent £340 (yes you read it right, £340) on clothes and lied about it. Grounded for a month, confiscated the clothes and he's having to buy them back. He has real problems with money. Spent all his allowance in one week - so making it weekly now not monthly. He knows how we feel but when we chat "calmly" he just gets very defensive and grumpy. More worried about what he's spending it on. Cigs, booze, drugs? Don't like some of his mates either. Denies the cigs and drugs but he stinks of cigs. Trying to stay positive with him and not stress out but it's hard. It's difficult to do much about the problem unless you catch them red-handed unfortunately.

[seasidesister]

Tell him he can deny it all he wants but you know.

Ask him why he needs the money. Really. See what he says. (You already have a fairly good idea of why its happening dont you.)

What has happened to his old friends? Can you talk to them? They might be able to tell you more about what is going on with these new friends.

It sounds like its about more than money.

[wasnormalmumof3]

ds2 is just 15, other 2 are 16 & 11.

We have gathered them all together on last definate occasion so as not to single out him, though we are 99.99999999999999% sure it is him. I think this time as 2 amounts have gone missing in 2 days we will have to speak to him directly.

He knows we aren't keen on his new friends. We think they are involved in using him as, without being rude, they are not from best of backgrounds, and he tends to meet them in parks, not at our house, though I have invited him to bring them round.

[seasidesister]

How old is ds2? You have asked him already and he has denied it. Has money gone missing again since you accused him? You also say you are not happy about his choice of friends, are they involved?

I think your 2 other children will know what is happening have they said anything?

Think I would gather everyone together. Make it really serious. Announce that money is going missing from the house. That this is theft, and, in fact, criminal behaviour.

Tell them as you are now out of pocket you will no longer have money in the house and will only be buying basics until culprit owns up and makes amends. Really cheap stuff, no crisps chocolate etc etc.

Then wait and see...

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

We had this too, I put a note in my wallet saying "Please don't take any of this money, I know how much is here."
It worked.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

We had this with DS1. To be honest, a short, sharp conversation with him was all that it took.

Made it clear that we knew, that we were ashamed of him, etc.

Then I told his closest friends' parents what had happened. I think this shook him up more than anything - he definitely felt ashamed of that.

And stop leaving money in places where he can steal it - at least for the next few weeks.