Shall I cut my 15 year old (fag ash lil) daughter some slack as she has had a glowing report

[GetOrf]

Found out this week that my daughter has been smoking. I have been furious, taken away her allowance and dinner money. Stupid child didn't even try to hide the fact she had had a cigarette like NORMAL teenagers and eat a packet of mints, she just gave me a kiss and she stank of smoke.

Anyway, have been pissed off with her all week.

Last night was parents' evening at her school. She is year 10, badly dyslexic and has really struggled at school and has been terrified of the exams. All her teachers really sang her praises - it was the best parents' evening she has ever had, and the teachers said she was a lovely girl, a credit to me, really contributes well in lessons, and is on course to get all A* to B in all her exams.

We then were invited to a ceremony in the cathedral (is award ceremony for students from all 15 senior schools in Gloucester) where she won an award for community and citizenship, and also an award for sport.

She is a good kid. She never misbehaves and the only thing I have ever caught her doing wrong is smking (and the spending of her allowance/dinner/bus money on fags). I give her her allowance and bus/dinner money in a lump sum in the back every month, perhaps it was my fault for being stupid and giving her so much money to manage. However I have always though she has budgeted very well, has never run out of money and come cap in hand asking for more, has always managed to save etc.

Should I cut her some slack re the smoking because she is so good in every other respect?

[LtEveDallas]

GetOrf - I may be a smoker but have never touched drugs - because I knew the Forces wouldn't have me if I did. As long as she knows that, you should be OK...

[GetOrf]

at your being told that by a dance teacher. Blimey!

LtEve do you think smoking is a macho thing from cadets as well? It is rather blokey. DD came back from Keble air show (camped there last weekend with cadets) and every other word that came out of her mouth when I picked her up was 'bloody' - I said 'OI' rather firmly and told her she wasn't in teh army yet

[LadyBeagleEyes]

Well, if anyone has the magic solution to stop your teen smoking let me know.
I discovered my ds (nearly 16) over a year ago.
I admit I'm a smoker and up till then he hated it with a vengence, now he must be getting his mates to buy them and I catch him out regularly.
But he's nearly an adult and there's not much I can do about it.
I don't think he would ever try drugs, he's doing very well at school and is very ambitious.
But then I thought that about smoking.

[TrilllianAstra]

Remind her that she stinks.

Stinky hair, stinky breath, stinky clothes.

Stinky stinky stinky not clean smelly disgusting.

Form other posts it looks like you have a good relationship with your DD, I'm sure you'll work it out :)

[LtEveDallas]

Actually, I think since I joined up (all those moon ago) that the attitude to smoking has shifted considerably. These days most of the smokers huddled up outside the buildings tend to be my age. The youngsters turn their noses up!

There is a chance that she will be tempted if she is sitting in a mud filled hole, feeling the rain drip down her back and the water slowly seep through her gaiters......but I know A LOT of soldiers/airmen that ONLY smoke on Exercise or Ops - I think its a camaraderie thing.

Swearing is another matter - I've got a mouth like a sewer (although I've learnt a better class of swearword on MN)

[CalamityKate]

I'd give her some sort of treat/reward for a brilliant report, but still carry on with the punishment for smoking.

[RavenVonChaos]

Your daughters peer group will have a massive effect on her choices. It is possible that she will experiment with smoking, drinking and drugs - given the statistics. The best thing you can do is share your upset and disappointment with her and try to educate her to make an informed choice. Unfortunately fags are highly addictive, so the more she smokes the more likely she is to develop a habit......thats the difficult part - its very hard to quit.

Its fab that she is doing so well at school - not to be underestimated - so you dont want over the top punishments to backfire.

good luck x

[Amaretti]

I wouldn't stop the punishment altogether. But I'd talk to her about how well she has done and make some allowances (probably for the cadets events).

[GnomeDePlume]

My DCs are 11-15 so similar ages. They are under no illusion that if they smoke they will be grounded until the end of time and all allowances will be removed. They know the reason why.

IMO unground your DD for cadets events but completely cut the allowance. Any small things you can buy but smoking is addictive. At her age I guess that her friends wont sub her for long. If she has started smoking she needs to stop now. Cutting funding will help this.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

get her an engraved Zippo buy her something nice for doing so well.
It is great that she is acheiving at school. Don't keep harping on about the smoking though. My parents did when they found out I was chuffing away at 12. 35 years later, I still smoke.
I think if they had ignored it rather than nag I probably wouldn't be.