From the Mother of a teenage daughter

[Rose111]

What do i do when I ground her and she walks out anyway?
What can i do when I ask her to tidy up and she bites me.
What can i do when I say she has to ask before she goes out, not tell me, and she calls me a f-- t---?
What can i do when she talks to me like i am dog dirt under her shoe?
What do i do while she is hitting me over and over? Do I take it? Do I fight back? Do I walk away?
What do i do when she is my only reason for living and she says she hates me and wants to go to Social Services?

My heart is breaking. I feel like I am falling apart.
She is 14. How much longer does this go on for?

[stitch]

when i was teaching, i had a 14 year old girl who was not getting on with her mom. i remember she stayed at her neighbours house for a couple of nights.
have you any close friends like that?

[Tortington]

What do i do when I ground her and she walks out anyway?
lock the door

What can i do when I ask her to tidy up and she bites me.
ground her

What can i do when I say she has to ask before she goes out, not tell me, and she calls me a f-- t---?
ground her

What can i do when she talks to me like i am dog dirt under her shoe?

in your mother voice - whisper " i am a human being and as such i will be treated with respect" repeat

What do i do while she is hitting me over and over? Do I take it? Do I fight back? Do I walk away?
call the police

What do i do when she is my only reason for living and she says she hates me and wants to go to Social Services?
tell her to fuck off to social services - hand her the phone - give her the number

My heart is breaking. I feel like I am falling apart.
She is 14. How much longer does this go on for?

til she gets a boyfriend or goes to college


remember when she was a toddler.... pushing her boundries " don't touch - it burns, dont touch it burns"?

this is the same. its alpha female agains wannabe alpha female.

call her bluff

it does break your heart i know exactly what your going through - except my son didn't attack me or my husband would have knocked him out.

however if my daughter should attack me - i will knock her out - but i was restrained enough to advise calling the police.

despite the calls am bound to get off mumsnet of childbatterer - i will have no hesitation in fighting back.

as a mother it doesntn't give me the right to demand things off my children becuase of my title. as a human being i should be afforded a certain amount of respect and dignity. if someone were to attack me on the street i would fight back. as a daughter she holds no special disposition by virtue of her title.


my son has walked out on his grounding - i locked the door. he slept in the shed. he asked for a coat - " the one i bought?" asks i
"yeah" says he
"your having a fucking giraffe" says i as i closed the door.

i work, i pay the bills its my house and if they dont like it they can fuck off to social services becuase despite getting a roof and food and warmth - they will get no love, no laughs, no good memories. and i have told them so.


i phoned social services they told me he was my responsability til he is 18 - that was that - no help, no follow through, no phone back. so i tells son " it goes both ways kid" every time you run away i phone the police they will bring you back, you run - i phone - you run - i phone. social services don't want you - so its my rules or get your own place"
" i cant get my own place"
"my rules it is then - your grounded for another month"





make her get a job
dont give her any money
dont speak to her unless she apologises

[jayzmummy]

custy...wanna be my Mum???...your post is so spot on...wished I had a mum who had been like you

[Xannie]

Spot on Custardo.

[munz]

anarok/custy - u both brought a tear to my eye. (((hugs)))) hope both of ur children realise how lucky they are.

[softmusk]

my mum says having a teenager is like being at sea in a storm you have to just ride the waves and u will come out ok at the other end.

[jules27]

Rose111 , big hug for you . Being a teenager is a nightmare for all around them and especial the teenager themselves . My dd is nearly 16 and i have to agree with most posters that you must respect your self first and give your daughter boundries. I felt sorry for my DD for the things that i put her through as as child(seperated from her dad and now living with a new partner) and put up with her dreadful behaviour always making excuses for her , until one day when i sat her down and said enough is enough . I told her that i was sorry that her life wasnt how i wished it had been, sorry that i wasnt perfect (neither was she ) sorry that as an adult i had to make rules. I told her that i realised that it was a difficult time for her and that I ALWAYS (EVEN WHEN SHE WAS YELLING I HATE YOU AT ME )LOVED HER.I always now give firm boundries and never back down on them, i have removed her phone for a week (said i would followed it through)It all seem to be working , i think i wasnt giving her enough attention and like a small child was seeking it through bad behaviour. I/we still have bad moments ,but there are loads of better moments. Keep strong , she needs your strenth now , dont give up on her , yes call her bluff, but dont push her too far away , would you really want her not to be safe at home with you. Hope this all make sense.

[jules27]

P.S CUSDARDO loved your message.I got tough and said these things to my dd and it worked. I though i would do more harm than good if i got tough , but i then thought back to my teenage years and remembered that i wanted to feel safe and loved . My mum never gave me any bounderies and just left me to my own devices, i left home at 16 and i still yearn for my lost teenage years . I had to become grown up over night.Tough love ,it works.