Cannabis use anyone? - question, not offer!

[motheroftwoboys]

I have suspected for a few months that my DS - 15 has been dabbling with cannabis. I have asked him about it and, naturally, he has lied and made up all manner of excuses for whatever it was that I asked him about. My DH has been talking to him today and he has now admitted it. We (DH and me) are going to talk more tonight. Any advice anyone. Don't want to come down to heavy on this but don't want him to think we think it is ok. Can't be too hypocritical as so many people people did this when I was a teenager. I have never used drugs or smoked so haven't got much experience. I know at last year's parents night at his very good independent boys school, the head told us that it would be unusual if a Year 10 boy nowadays had not experimented. what is your experience of this if any?

[Rhubarb]

Did someone mention private schools?

[Nightynight]

diezeitsma, I hope you dont think that I was saying that private schools protect your child from drugs! certainly not - just that they are not all awash with drugs.

[piffle]

Right what my mother did with me was
She told me she knew I was using it, and I was, if only once a week with mates before a party (age 15-16)
She said I know you're using it, let me source it for you and you cna smoke it in our house. She said if she ever found out who had been selling it to me (and she had contacts as she smoked herself occasionally) she would report them to the cops.
This freaked me out so much that it actually put me off smoking it....
I have said to my yr 7 ds that if he ever feels tempted to try then I will sort if for him, as it can have side effects and I want him to be safe.
Most mothers I know think my mum and I are barmy though....
But no one in our immediate family has used any drugs since experimenting...

[Tortington]

i told my ds that his use could have us evicted. which is true. it didn't work.
i told him i would shop all his druggie mates.
he didn't care.

[tigermoth]

I don'tthink you're barmy piffle. FAst forward a few years,I have strong evidence that school dealers are a threat to my son, and there is a bullying/drug link, I would consider sourcing dope too. I'd rather he experimented a bit with dope I had given him than got sucked into a debt/bullying/dope cycle.

[UCM]

My mother talked me into it. Parents were very victorian and a bit ignorant. I started going out with a 'black man' at 15 and that was it. My mum insisted on our local bobby finding me (she knew him). When he 'found' me at a local party, he humiliatingly bought me home and anounced to my mother 'her red eyes say it all, yes she has been smoking drugs'. Suffice to say, I hadn't. But I bloody well tried it after I was grounded for a month.

My father worked in Saudi for a while and when I was 22 admitted that he had smoked a 'hubba bubba' with dope in at 48 years of age. But, as he put it, was legal. Drinking wasn't!

I am terrified of the moment my son asks me about drugs as I have pretty much tried everything. Tried it - not made it a hobby.

Alcohol is my drug of choice......slurping a liddle glass of wine now

[nooka]

I think that it is easier to have those conversations if you know that your parents have had, let's say "a wide life experience". Also it's probably less cool to experiment, if your parents have done it all before. Of course with cigarettes, if your parent's smoke you are more likely to, so that's probably true if you are actively using drugs (availability etc). I don't think that coming down heavy is ever an effective way of handling teenagers (but enjoyed all those Brat camps all the same). It's useful to have an idea of what contemporaries are up to, so you know if you can be firm (it's not going to work if everyone else's parent are just not bothered). I quite enjoy a bit of puff every now and then, as do many adults. I would be more worried about the supplier aspect, expecially if you think there might be some predatory behaviour going on. However with the mental health issues, I think you have to be very careful. A neighbour of ours had a severe manic depressive episode, triggered by very heavy use of cannabis, and there is quite good evidence of a link, especially in young men. However I do belive that a weekend joint is probably not going to trigger it (in your position, I might research that). I would (personally) worry more about the smoking aspect, as he could easily end up a smoker - but then I am a rabid anti-smoker who is soft on dope (not sure of the logic, but there you go). Could you talk to him about watching out for signs of depression, addication etc? So not a don't do it or I will throw you out (I think you have to be prepared to follow through on threats), but a if you do it, watch out for this approach ? Maybe you could couch it in a look after your friends type of way? I'm not sure as a parent you can ever make anything uncool - except maybe by getting very stoned yourself, and seriously embarrasing him?

[Tortington]

in my experience kids smoke pot becuase its available and their mates do. not because of underlying problems

[nooka]

I think there is a difference between the occasional spliff (even every weekend) and an addiction which affects your life. In the same way as there is a difference between having a bottle of wine (beer or whatever you fancy) every now and then, and regularly getting completely slaughtered, or not being able to get through a day without drinking. The one is about enjoying yourself, and the other is a big problem. Many teenagers have serious problems with alcohol, and I would be worried about that too - the issue is whether it is likely to screw up your life.

[dizietsma]

"in my experience kids smoke pot becuase its available and their mates do. not because of underlying problems"

That sounds pretty judgemental in the circumstance I'm describing- habitual pot smoking. After all, would you say the same thing about alcoholic kids? As I said, I don't consider occasional pot smoking a serious problem, in much the same way I don't consider occasional alcohol drinking a serious problem.

[Tortington]

that would rather depend on what habitual pot smoking - or drinking for that matter means.

are we talking daily. weekly monthy use?

obviously one would have to be a moronic crap for brains suggesting that smoking pot on a daily basis or drinking alchohol on a daily basis doesn't constitute a problem.

even if it does i dont think there has to be some major trauma or underlying angst to trigger it. addictive personalities have been mentioned - on this thread - or another. no doubt in some cases there are major trauma but not all i dont think.

weekly "contolled" use has been mentioned as a solution. as this is sanctioned by the parents - does this mean its ok - with or without underlying problems. or does this mean there are no underlying problems to be sought as its "controlled"

i think its naive to think that peer pressure and indeed availablity and where you live do not play a maojr factor.

[gazebo]

I have a similar problem with my 16 year old.
My main concern is the effect on a brain that isn't yet fully mature. I worry that even occasional use could interfere with brain development and lead to permanent changes. The adult brain may be more resistant. I don't know if there are any scientific evidence for this but I have heard it suggested on a radio or tv program about dope.

With hindsight, I would guess he probably tried cannabis for the first time at 12. He is the type to try everything but I had no idea it was so readily available in our rural district. Call me naive if you like. So I guess if he was one of the population who is particularly sensitive to cannabis he would he been affected by now. But I still can't wait for him to grow out of it.

[motheroftwoboys]

Agree with you Custardo. As far as I know, DS1 has no problems. Up until this he has always discussed with me. I think it is purely because he is mixing with a different group of friends for which this is the "norm" and he doesn't want to be different. Although a sociable and popular child he has got himself in trouble on more than one occasion because he has been a sheep and followed the crowd without really thinking about what he as doing. I think this is another example.

[laligo]

i tried cannabis at 16 and probably smoked it for 10 years on and off - never habitually. i totally agree it was because it was there, the done thing, a bit if fun and a bit rebellious (though pretty well accepted - i've played gigs where the rider included joints and i've smoked dope with teachers from my old school when i was in a band with them)

a gree with nooka - there's a big diff between experimenting/occasional social use, and dependency. i think the main route to kids understanding that difference is thorough and honest education - about what all drugs are, how they work, how addiction works, risks (but in a factual not scaremongering way) and also economics - how drugs trade works and who it explouts. kids like to feel their intelligence is respected and that they can make decisions on the basis of knowledge.

in the light of what i learned at that age, i thought cannabis was ok sometimes, i tried coke and lsd once each out of interest, and never touched heroin. now, i never take any drugs, drink lightly and don't smoke. you can't prevent this phase but i think good drugs education is the best approach.